Online Infidelity

I know I am not the only person in the world to have this happen. I met my fiancee little almost two years ago on line. We just chatted for a long time and nothing came of it. A year ago we finally met and fell in love all over again with each other. He spent four months living with me in California and wanted me to move back to Texas with him. We had a long distance relationship while I was getting things together to transfer my job, lease my house, etc. When I came to Texas in August, for my job interviews, he came back to California with me and the move was on. When we arrived in September, everything was wonderful. Or so I thought. It appears that he started another on line relationship from my home in California. In October he went to meet her. He also was making plans to date another girl here in Texas. When I found out, I tried to end the relationship. He told me that he had made a big mistake and would do anything to make it up to me. The computer stuff happened again and he swore up and down that it wasn't him. He has now started in yet again with a gal who is young enough to be his daughter. He says only on the computer. He has now decided that our problems and my lack of trust in him are because of my jealousy and insecurity. I wasn't insecure until he gave me a reason to be. He has now turned his venom on me again and told me that I am choking him with the leash I have around his neck. He told me he didn't tell me he was chatting with her because he knew I would overreact. He was going to leave me because I sent her an e-mail informing her that he was living with me, we have a business together and are buying a home. He exploded and said he couldn't deal with me anymore. I can't blame her, she had no idea. I think I acted like any person who is supposed to be in an exclusive, committed relationship would react. He tells me he is still committed to me and wants us to get through this together and is getting some help for it. How do you rebuild the trust? I absolutely adore this man and I have never been unfaithful to him or the relationship. I have tried to discuss this with him like adults, but he says he doesn't want to say anything that he will regret. Is there any hope for us, or shall I cut my losses and move on?

I am sorry to hear your story. I too have recently been in something similiar. All I can keep telling myself - Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Do what you can to re-gain your power and separate yourself from this man who obviously has very little respect for you and your feelings.

I have struggled with whether or not contacting someone on-line is really cheating. I mean, they are not having sex... But, I have decided it is almost worse. It is one thing to meet someone and there be this instant attractions and you fall into the moment (which is very very wrong) but to actually take the consciouse effort to look, pursue and contact someone takes alot of gall and disassociation. I have very little faith that he will ever change. He is addicted to the pursuit and conquer of women. Do not let him make this your problem - you have every right to be distrustful. People are treated they way they deserve to be treated. He is acting like a selfish child and deserves to be treated as such. He is lying to you, cheating on you, hurting you and you have every right to confront him and take care of yourself.

I encourage you to separate yourself from him and this situation for a while. Maybe he will learn but the odds are against you. Men like that, that are so disassociated from the truth and from what is right and wrong, are an uphill battle. Stay strong and in no way let him make his wrongs your problem. Good luck!