Should I be concerned that my partner hides porn?

I have been dating (and living) with a guy for over 2 years and am concerned about his hiding porn and what this means to our relationship. I had first discovered that he has been hiding porn on our computer when I had be searching for one of my own personal files and found a variety of pictures. After this, I found more and what I have noticed is he is hiding it in such a way that everything is tucked away in inconspicuous places and even password protected so it can not be accessed by anyone but himself. I have not yet addressed any of my findings with him.

We don't have what I'd call an extremely active or exciting sex life. We have active periods and not-so-active periods but I believe if he was open with the pornography, that it would actually be positive for our sexual relationship and really spice things up.

I'm confused if his need to hide this is because he is afraid that I will be upset or if he prefers to get off on his own time in privacy. At the same time, I also wonder if its because our sexual relationship has been slow (due to health issues) or if he is just altogether uninterested in having sex with me.

I'm not sure how do address this issue as he might feel that his privacy has been invaded. I do want to resolve this though so we can start having a healthy sexual relationship together.

Like you, my husband was looking at porn, the only difference is, he was sharing it with me. We have been married for over 12 years and we don't look often but whenever we do, it is a turn on for both of us. Recently, we have discussed other fantazies.

Depending on how you feel about the relationship you are in and if you want to stay with this fellow, then make every effort to approach him. Try telling him that you have often wondered about porn and would he be interested in watching it with you. This could be the start of a great sex life and explore each other. You said that your sex life was not all that exciting - I don't know who had the health issues but if everything is o.k. now, try talking about it. That is a total turn on too, if you are completely comfortable with him, you may go from non-exciting to non-stop! Total emotional contact with another person is so great and that just makes your sex life even better. If things go good with the porn, if you have a special date coming up, do what I did and go buy some special sex toys - my husband was thrilled.

I wish you luck and will be looking for your response.

Him being more open about looking at porn will not change your sex life because he obviously prefers porn to you. Take a look at the women he's looking at and then take a look at yourself. Have you let yourself go? Are you fat? Why wouldn't he prefer to look at the good looking babes in porn?

We all love our partners and we all have hang ups concerning sex...There is a show on Oxygen called "The Sunday Night Sex Show." 11 - 12 am everynight. It is an older Canadian woman who talks to callers about sexual problems. I really like listening to her alternative viewpoint. Men have these urges that are difficult to control. They were taught by society to be selfish and keep quiet about their sexual energy. That is why they hide it. Why don't you delete the pictures from the computer, throw out the magazines and only keep the pornography that you can tolerate. When he comes looking for them tell him there is a new sheriff in town and he will have to live up to a new code of honor. Tell him sincerely how you feel about what he is doing and tell him you want more and better sex from now on or he cannot watch any pornography at all. Tell him that he needs to see you as the object of his affection, not the women in the magazines. Tell him you know when he has been masturbating because he looks or acts diiferently, and that makes you uncomfortable. Good luck, stick with it -- it will come easier over time. Joanie email removed