her kid

my girlfriend has a daughter and we bump heads continually about her child going into my things without asking. i try to talk with her aboutit and she gets very defensive which make me defensive and it ends up being an argument. her child is 10 and i feel she is old enough to understand that you have to respect other people and their things. my girlfriend says that she is a kid and kids get into stuff that they are not supposed to and she cant punish her every time it happens. im not suggesting that she punish her for everything but i dont think she will ever learn to respect others belongings if she is not consisitent. she also says that never in their lives has her daughter had to ask before she goes into something and that it is a hard adjustment--i try to explain to her that it is equally hard for me to adjust to finding my things out of order, broken, or lost as well. she also says that because i dont have kids i wouldnt undderstand--and she may be right. but i dont feel like my feelings have to be ignored because she has a kid. i always end up being the bad guy and i dont know if we will ever be able to talk about her kid without it being an argument. what should i do? stick to women without kids? or just move out so she wont have to teach her kid not bother certain things? i feel really bad about it --her having to "change" the way she lives, but i have had to make alot of changes as well. also, i have only asked that if her kid wants something that belongs to me all she has to do is ask--everytime that she asks i give it to her--i think that that proves that you can get what you want without being disrespectfull and taking it. please help--i dont know what else to do!!

in response to "her kid":

she needs to set limits for her daughter--you shouldn't be the bad guy all the time. she probably isn't doing it because she feels subconsciously guilty about having you move in with her in the first place (because she won't be giving her daughter her undivided attention any more). ten years old is old enough to know better, but if she doesn't know better the fault lies with her mom.

You need to have your space that is off limits to other people. We choose our bedroom. No one but us is allowed into our room. In addition, we lock out door when not home to prevent our children from going through our stuff. There is also things that are off limits to our children. We both have made this very clear and support each other with this issue. With all this, it is still very difficult to have step-children. It is no different in lesbian relationships than it is in "straight" couples relationship. These little ones will break up a couple. It needs to be addressed and worked on ALL the time. Even then, be prepared for a long road ahead of you. You will need to assess if you want a relationship with someone with children. There is nothing wrong with making that choice. If you are in love with this woman, then you will need to address this together, or with help before you loose your relationship.

Linda

OMG, well Im glad I am not the only one that had this problem with their partner. I just left my partner of three years becuase of her children. She was never consistant, never disciplined or ever had any expectations of them. We never had anytime becuse the children ran the house, bedtimes were non-exisistant, and my stuff was always gotten into or destroyed. I spent the last year of our relationship hiding in our bedroom, until one day I had enough and left. My advice is your G/f will not change and ANYONE who dates a woman with children better go over those issues before you get involved. Or it is a receipe for disaster.

I am involved with someone with 2 children. 10 and 12(girl and boy). my lover would have a problem when it came to me discipling them. but now she realize, because i stood my ground, that if she don't do anything about it i have to go. i be damn if i help raise some hell raisers when i could be single and with a woman with no kids and we just be to ourselves. without food disappearing before your eyes or running for the last drop of juice when you become thirsty. i love my girl. and you have to decide how much you love her. but before you love her you have to love yourself. you can't be happy pleasing someone else and your not getting pleased. its just impossible. if your not happy while your loving her. you can love her and be happy by yourself. because it wouldn't mean you love her any less when saying goodbye. it just mean the situation is not for you. good luck.