Needed Help

Hi. I am in need of help. It has been 1 month now since I found out about the other woman in my husband's life. We dated for 4 years and have been married for just over 3 years. We now live under separate roofs and I have turned into something I never thought I could have. I call him constantly, I have not been able to help myself. I'm trying to use my family and friends' offered support to no avail. I am just devistated.

He had only known her for 1 month, now 2 months and professes a love for her he had never known with me. I plunge through all of the old cards and letters he had given me only to find nothing to support this claim of his. She is not attractive, all bias aside, she is not successful, she is not educated she is just everything opposite of me. He says he doesn't know why other than that he feels we never should have married and that he's always felt this way.

I've never been so humiliated in my life. I can't stop calling him, I've been drinking excessively, doing stupid things... none of which come close to what I know myself to be. I don't know where or how to begin healing or how to give him up. I am so in love with him, angry for what he's done but can't see beyond the love I have for him.

Please help me so I can stop going down this destructive road I seem to have put myself on.

Thank you!

All right...

I can say that this is a terrible place to be...

I can say that.

But honestly, you don't need this. You don't need any of this.

First of all, he's done. You have to face it. I have fallen into similar holes and I know that you don't want to leave...

You think, if only I had said this...

or if only I had done this for him.

But it's all talk in the end.

Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them either? I mean, your relationship could never be the same again. Not after he left you for her. Even if he professed his love for you again, there is no trust.

That is why you are golden. You are free... for the first time in seven years. You don't realize how lucky you are. (take a breath)

There are over a billion men on the planet. You probably don't know a hundred.

There is a large list of don't when you're suffering a loss...

One is DON'T drink.

I believe there is a quote about using depressives to feel better... it's ironic.

One is DON'T call him.

I have been through this...

Every time I went to call her, instead I wrote an email that I never sent. It became self therapy. I told her all of the things that I was too afraid to say.

And in reality, she never knew.

My advice...

I think my advice is to take a vacation.

Take a week off from work, get your life together. Go dancing. Go to a party. Try to meet some nice guys.

Remember, you cannot run away from your feelings or what he did to you. But you can step back, look at where you are, and take advantage of your new freedom.

Remember, if nothing else works, smile. That's all... just smile.

because there are nice guys out there... I'm one of them, I know. I also know that a cheater is worth nothing as far as I'm concerned. Honesty IS the best policy...

I wouldn't be with a liar if she was the last one on earth.

:smile:

I can totally relate to your situation. My ex husband and I split up

April 29, 1999, after being married a little over 2 years (3 years together total). We have one child together (she will be 5 in August). I am still not over him. I have went on with my life, gotten remarried, divorced again, and in a new relationship. I also have my third child on the way. I think I have been trying to compare everyone I get into a relationship with to him...and maybe that is my problem. If you don't get over it, you will end up like me, an endless sea of crappy relationships. If you can't get it over it, believe me I understand! There is no point in bugging him, if he doesn't want you back, as I have learned, there is nothing you can do. He is going to do what he wants to do reguardless of how you feel. I know it's hard facing the fact that he is not coming back, but it is something you have to do to preserve your sanity. I was in denial for

a long time, lost 35lbs in no time flat, rarely ate, smoked cigarettes like a frieght train, rarely slept or slept too much. I was severly depressed for the first few months after our split. I can't really give you much else advice, cause like I said I am still not over my ex. It took a while, but I have lost hope for us. He went on with his life before I did, and that feeling of being replaced sent me into a tailspin. I hope your situation turns out better than mine. *Good luck and best wishes*

Hello there. I have been dating my bf for 2years already. he went cold with me and he has broken up with me before. i went crazy and did cracy things for him. i told him i love him but he pushed me away more and more. after all we were talking about getting married to the point that now he wants to date for 2 more years to get married cuz now he says it is not enough. He broke up with me again for jealousy and controlling cuz i cant have friends while he has million. now he says we r together but we need time apart. before i used to cry so much he hurt me alot, i used to drink a lot, do stupid stuff , call him like cracy to tell him i love him and even though he told me in my face he did n ot want to talk to me or see i was still calling. even though he said he loved me he did hurt me alot and this time he broke up with me i finally opened my eyes and realize i should not call him anymore that if he wanted me i was woman enough if it is meant to be he will and now i havent called him and now he calls me and even he told me we were not broken up that he needed time apart. im hurt inside and i want to be with him all the time but when he calls me i pretend i dont need him. I UNDERSTAND YOU because sometime i see myself down the same road ur cuz he avoid marriage now and he wants to wait 2 more years and later i dont know. now im trying to be strong andi gave him his time. GIRL believe me now it is hard for me but u need to get over with, it is not easy cuz even myself people tell me i should let him go but im still here waiting for him. but in ur case if i findout he has other girl when is married to u damn. let him go and dont call him probably then he will leave that girl and realized he lost u. girl if it is meant to be it will be. me in ur case i wont go back to him cuz he cheated on u girl, ur are married. Like people tell me now i should have pride and feel enough woman to let this man go cuz he does not appreciate me. im leaving my bf alone and if he comes back oh well.

but u girl try to spend time with friends go out, family, do things in order not to think of him. i know it is hard cuz even though now im bf/gf with him it hurts. but now im leaving with friends and my heart is healing. dont suffer for him cuz he is not suffering for u. he must be having so much fun while ur getting drunk etc. believe me i passed through that. i have cried to him on the phone while he was on the other side of the phone making fun of me cuz i cried alot, even told my friend to take me to his house to see if his car was there etc. but i understood if this guy loves me he will come back. but if not he will not. there are alot of guys out there and im kind of understanding im wrong to stick with this guy and wait for him so now im having fun with friends and if i meet someone better oh well. girl get over him he was married to u and did this to u so it means he does not love u. dont cry for him nomore. i was where ur crying everyday while he had fun. now im chilling and going with the flow. girl go out and first love urself. try to do things and be ocupied cuz someday you will find someone who loves u for real. im telling you im stubborn now like u but i think this advices are finally getting through my thick head and now im starting to understand he was not the only guy on earth. if u want to talk on msn or so. drop me a line. im 24 and probably we could chat online or so.

He clearly doesn't love you. He left you for no reason! Why stand by while he cheats? Don't argue with him, ignore him. Get on with your own life and learn from your mistakes. By the time you have cleared your head and moved forward, he will be back.