WhatToDo2020 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 I am very conflicted. My bestfriend’s boyfriend, who happens to be my very close friend, has been doing sketchy things behind her back. He doesn’t know I know. But he’s been asking many people of our friend group to have sex with him. He even asked some people if he could have treesomes with them (him, and two other friends of his gf)! He even has resorted to caress their legs and such in public while he’s with my bestfriend(his girlfriend). What do i dooooooo? Fyi, everyone he’s approached with this is close friends with his girlfriend, wayy before they knew him. Idk what to do. Because i feel like it’s cheating but its not technically cheating. Me telling would cause me to lose everyone in my life right now. Should I continue to not say anything about what he’s been doing or whaat? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 This may not be the most popular reply, but I'd stay out of it. It sounds as if he's pulling these shenanigans right under her nose, where she's chosen to look the other way, or on the other hand, you could be taking on the role of shoot the messenger. In any event I'd give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 This may not be the most popular reply, but I'd stay out of it. It sounds as if he's pulling these shenanigans right under her nose, where she's choose to look the other way, or on the other hand, you could be taking on the role of shoot the messenger. In any event I'd give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. Thx for saying this. I've lived this. Watched others in the same predicament and all I can say is, have you ever heard the term ' shoot the messenger'? People don't like bad news. Romantic relationships are often complex. People stay with someone for reasons other than being in a relationship. You catch someone off guard with bad news, don't be surprised if your friendship gets sacrificed for the sake of staying. After all someone needs to take the blame. Blame isn't necessarily assigned to where it ought to be placed either. If he's that sketchy. . And yes he's reaaally sketchy. Trust that it will catch up him without your help. Personally, I'd avoid them both for the time being. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 If he's as bad as you say, he will get found out by all before too long. You tell your friend what he's doing, she may not believe you and it could ruin your friendship with her. Link to comment
WhatToDo2020 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 I guess you guys are right. Ultimately the blame will be put on me. I’m better off minding my business. I’ve thought that was the best way, and I feel like a bad friend, but in this particular situation I think being selfish and watching out for myself is better for everyone. She’ll notice, and if she doesn’t then she’s just plain out ignoring the situation. Thanks for the advice. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 I hope she uses condoms. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 How do you know all this? Have you witnessed these encounters? Did he come on to you? Do you know if she's aware of it or if she's happy with him? Is your BF also in this friend group? How close are you to her BF? Link to comment
WhatToDo2020 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 All of us are in the same friend group. We are all really close, but when I started noticing the sketchy behavior, I drifted away. I know because I’ve witnessed some of it, I’ve been shown messages. He once told me he would never come on to me because if I did he knows I would tell her. I honestly don’t know if she’s happy, she’s told me he get disrespectful when he drinks and doesn’t really go out of her way for her, but other than that I guess everything’s ok. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know because every time she brings up having issues with him she goes “at least he doesn’t cheat on me”, lol. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Are you hoping they breakup? Will your screen shots convince her? Why are you so involved in this? Why would her BF even get on the subject of "coming on to you"? Do you think showing her your "evidence" will help her or your friendship? Why aren't the women he allegedly came on to and whose screenshots you've been gatherings told her about it? Link to comment
smackie9 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 You can step up if he approaches YOU and tell her of YOUR experience, but it's up to the others to say something about theirs. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Record it on camera. Then send her videos anonymously with a fake account with details about her guy. She does not need to be catchy life-long STDs. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 If that sort of behaviour turns you off I'm not sure why you'd want to be around any of these people anyway so losing these so-called friends wouldn't be much of a loss. I'd mention the truth and be over with it. There are bigger and brighter things for you than worrying over this. Hope this is resolved soon. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Captain Awkward has a great post on this https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/captainawkward.com/2011/01/17/reader-question-4-my-friend-is-dating-someone-terrible-or-secrets-of-the-darth-vader-boyfriend/amp/ Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 If you see him touching someone inapropriately in front of you, loudly say "what are you doing??" Call it out when you see it. If you KNOW and pretend you don't, you are hurting your friend. I would not report hearsay - things you THINK. But anything right in your face, I think you should. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 I am very conflicted. My bestfriend’s boyfriend, who happens to be my very close friend, has been doing sketchy things behind her back. He doesn’t know I know. But he’s been asking many people of our friend group to have sex with him. He even asked some people if he could have treesomes with them (him, and two other friends of his gf)! He even has resorted to caress their legs and such in public while he’s with my bestfriend(his girlfriend). What do i dooooooo? Fyi, everyone he’s approached with this is close friends with his girlfriend, wayy before they knew him. Idk what to do. Because i feel like it’s cheating but its not technically cheating. Me telling would cause me to lose everyone in my life right now. Should I continue to not say anything about what he’s been doing or whaat? How do you know about these things? I'd just say to whoever tells me, "Why are you telling me, when you can tell HerName?" Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 Focus on your own life. Stay out of other people's relationships and business. If someone tells you about him or if he is saying things to you, address it then and there. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.