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Thread: After 3 years of no contact... *HAPPY ENDING*

  1. #1
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    After 3 years of no contact... *HAPPY ENDING*

    She reached out, she didn't want to get back together, she married the other guy pretty soon after.

    So how the heck is this a happy ending???

    Just thought you guys want to know what's it like on the other end of the tunnel, since not many who have moved on really come back to tell their stories. Now this is my experience, mind you, take what is useful, discard what's not.

    Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal." It sucked, It sucked hard, (and not in a good way.)

    I think I spent the next couple months just bawling to be honest. Just self-indulging myself. I ate, slept, worked. I hung out with friends, tried to spruce up the style. Tried to date, but it's sort of hard when you're an empty shell.

    So what happened?

    One day working my job that I hated (albeit it was well paying) I was like it, I'm joining the Army. Now mind you I was over 30 at this point so this has gotta be the world's worse mid-life crisis 10 years too early. I went to my recruiter's office and tried to enlist.

    NOW, before you think I'm going to tell you to join the military (albeit, we need people right now) that is NOT what I'm suggesting. Especially if you think being in uniform will get your mate back. It won't. Furthermore if you go to basic training with that type of baggage, there's a good chance you'll probably wash out (We had one wash out because of her ex as well). For me, the military was always something I thought about and admired throughout my 20s, So I already had an interest, I just never acted on it.

    Buuuuuuut... My recruiter said I was too fat to join, especially if I was trying to be an officer.

    So after 4 cheeseburgers and a milk shake I hobbled down to a crossfit gym and started working out. Let's just say, it's not pretty going from a couch potato to a gym nut overnight. And the result were slow (I love food too much). Then my recruiter said I was too slow, so I ran 2 miles every day too to get my time down. For about one year I would hit the gym right after work, followed by a 2 mile run every night. I was motivated, I had a goal. For once, I was thinking about something else other than women, and my general loneliness.

    I still socialized on the weekend, partied, but not as hard, since alcohol and gains don't mix, not just in calories but also just how ty I'd feel on mondays. I also noted the ladies were getting friendlier, but at this point, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was enlist, and all my time was either spent working, or working out.

    Finally about a year of hard work, and about 20 pounds lost. My recruiter finally gave me a go to go to Fort Benning. He proudly shook my hand and said, "I honestly didn't think you'd do it, but if there's anyone I'd want as an officer, I'm glad you're going."

    I had a going away party before I left, and it was bittersweet.

    Then, about 10 weeks of Basic Training followed by 12 weeks of OCS. It sucked, I started realizing how good on the civilian side. Suddenly all that ing about being single and alone, and missing my ex felt stupid. You have a lot of come to Jesus moments when people are yelling at you and you're sleeping in dirt

    Fortunately I enlisted as a reservist so after 5 long months, I got to return home as a brand spanking new 2nd Lieutenant. My friends couldn't be happier. We had a celebration for my return. Now I didn't feel any different mind you, despite what everyone said, I will say I was more indifferent to a lot of BS.

    About two weeks from my return home, I made out with one of crushes. She was hesitant, for anything afterwards considering our age difference (I was in my 30s, she had just turned 21.) And just like in all those no-contact courses, I was like, "look, it's cool if you don't want to, just lemme know if you change your mind." Now at this point I meant it. The way I looked at it, I knew I was an amazing catch being financially well off, with a little warrior streak (hooah!) And gosh darn it people like me!

    Fast-forward, we've currently been dating for over a year at this point. I've never seen a girl so madly in love before. Sometimes I think I need to teach her about Craig Kenneth's attachment theory, cause she definitely is an anxious type.

    So in Summary what is this story trying to convey?

    Do the work, learn about relationships, your insecurities, and your triggers, learn how to cope, and self-soothe, it comes in handy. Seeing a counselor helps tremendously. But please oh please don't throw out too much cash for those breakup coaches.

    Find your purpose in your life, what gets you excited to get out of bed. If it's a career change do that. If it's a new hobby or traveling do that. Find something that defines your life that isn't romance. Romance comes as a reward to character, but like a bonus check it comes when you least expect it.

    Socialize. One of the biggest advantages I had, was I already had a decent community around me being a dancer for over 10 years. If you don't have something like that, now's the time to find something like that. Hobbies, do something new to fill in the space you feel like you're missing.

    Be the best version you can be, because ultimately that's the only way to really win in "no-contact."

    No I didn't get back together with my ex. She seems happily married from when I checked her Facebook a year ago. I'm honestly happy she's found what she wanted, just like I'm very happy with my current sweetie. And isn't that what it's all about? If you truly love someone, shouldn't they just be happy, regardless of whether they're with you or not?

    I hope this helps, feel free to PM if you have any questions. I don't spend too much time here nowadays, but I do visit time to time.

  2. #2
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    I really needed to hear this today "If you truly love someone, shouldn't they just be happy, regardless of whether they're with you or not?".

    Thank you

  3. #3
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    I think you missed the point of no contact as many people do.
    They seem to think itís a tool to get an ex back.
    Itís absolutely not. Itís about self healing.
    So because you utilised it improperly while in the background remaining hopeful for contact , 3 years later it sucked only because you hadnít used the no contact for itís intebded purpose.
    After 3 years you should have long got past being indifferent.

    ďSoon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal."

    I hope people reading this will realise no contact is for self healing and moving on. Only.

  4. #4
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    Um, did you read the post? We're both happily with different people right now. The entire post was about letting go and moving on. Granted mine was rather extreme, I think they're some lessons here for people to learn
    Last edited by drpenguin; 11-22-2020 at 03:24 AM.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by drpenguin
    Um, did you read the post? We're both happily with different people right now. The entire post was about letting go and moving on. Granted mine was rather extreme, I think they're some lessons here for people to learn
    Of course I read it.
    It was a case of someone going through no contact for the wrong purpose.
    Unless your timelines are not clear , it seems like you only moved on after your ex contacted you?

    If I misinterpreted it then please provide dates of these timelines?

    Otherwise itís a simple story of a breakup and subsequently another relationship.
    Thatís most peoples story so why post it?

    your response has only served to confuse the issue further?

  7. #6
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    Well I don't have too much to say other than well done and good luck! Losing weight and getting fit is definitely really hard. I know as a chubby woman lol So you did really well to put all the hard work in! I wish you happiness in your relationship too and hope it goes the distance!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Everyone has different paths to realization. I'm glad you found your way.

    I've never taken back an ex, since I figured if he broke up with me, he didn't care enough to stick around to fix perceived issues, or had just lost that lovin' feeling, so oh well. If I'd done the breaking up, I'd thought long and hard about that decision, knowing it would spell forever. Have you changed your perspective about getting back together with an ex after this experience?

    Fast-forward, we've currently been dating for over a year at this point. I've never seen a girl so madly in love before. Sometimes I think I need to teach her about Craig Kenneth's attachment theory, cause she definitely is an anxious type.

    What's this about? Anxious type? You never once say anything about how you feel about your gf other than you're happy. You still seem to be speaking more about the ex. Your gf's brain still won't be fully formed in the decision-making area of the brain until she's 25. Just be cognizant that what she wants in her early twenties could do a 360 by the time she reaches her late twenties. The age gap relationship has a higher risk of failure because you're in different stages of life. That said, I hope it works out for you, and even if it doesn't, keep working on yourself so you can handle that better than you did with the last relationship if it happens.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I want to say - well done! This is the most positive post I've read on here in years!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Please don't assign yourself the role of "teaching" your girlfriend anything except maybe how to make an excellent hollandaise or how to shoot a pool combo. Do you think of yourself as a mentor or teacher to her?

    Do you find her "anxious attachment" attractive? Do you believe it proves how much she loves you?

  11. #10
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by drpenguin
    She reached out, she didn't want to get back together, she married the other guy pretty soon after.

    So how the heck is this a happy ending???

    Just thought you guys want to know what's it like on the other end of the tunnel, since not many who have moved on really come back to tell their stories. Now this is my experience, mind you, take what is useful, discard what's not.

    Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal." It sucked, It sucked hard, (and not in a good way.)

    I think I spent the next couple months just bawling to be honest. Just self-indulging myself. I ate, slept, worked. I hung out with friends, tried to spruce up the style. Tried to date, but it's sort of hard when you're an empty shell.

    So what happened?

    One day working my job that I hated (albeit it was well paying) I was like it, I'm joining the Army. Now mind you I was over 30 at this point so this has gotta be the world's worse mid-life crisis 10 years too early. I went to my recruiter's office and tried to enlist.

    NOW, before you think I'm going to tell you to join the military (albeit, we need people right now) that is NOT what I'm suggesting. Especially if you think being in uniform will get your mate back. It won't. Furthermore if you go to basic training with that type of baggage, there's a good chance you'll probably wash out (We had one wash out because of her ex as well). For me, the military was always something I thought about and admired throughout my 20s, So I already had an interest, I just never acted on it.

    Buuuuuuut... My recruiter said I was too fat to join, especially if I was trying to be an officer.

    So after 4 cheeseburgers and a milk shake I hobbled down to a crossfit gym and started working out. Let's just say, it's not pretty going from a couch potato to a gym nut overnight. And the result were slow (I love food too much). Then my recruiter said I was too slow, so I ran 2 miles every day too to get my time down. For about one year I would hit the gym right after work, followed by a 2 mile run every night. I was motivated, I had a goal. For once, I was thinking about something else other than women, and my general loneliness.

    I still socialized on the weekend, partied, but not as hard, since alcohol and gains don't mix, not just in calories but also just how ty I'd feel on mondays. I also noted the ladies were getting friendlier, but at this point, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was enlist, and all my time was either spent working, or working out.

    Finally about a year of hard work, and about 20 pounds lost. My recruiter finally gave me a go to go to Fort Benning. He proudly shook my hand and said, "I honestly didn't think you'd do it, but if there's anyone I'd want as an officer, I'm glad you're going."

    I had a going away party before I left, and it was bittersweet.

    Then, about 10 weeks of Basic Training followed by 12 weeks of OCS. It sucked, I started realizing how good on the civilian side. Suddenly all that ing about being single and alone, and missing my ex felt stupid. You have a lot of come to Jesus moments when people are yelling at you and you're sleeping in dirt

    Fortunately I enlisted as a reservist so after 5 long months, I got to return home as a brand spanking new 2nd Lieutenant. My friends couldn't be happier. We had a celebration for my return. Now I didn't feel any different mind you, despite what everyone said, I will say I was more indifferent to a lot of BS.

    About two weeks from my return home, I made out with one of crushes. She was hesitant, for anything afterwards considering our age difference (I was in my 30s, she had just turned 21.) And just like in all those no-contact courses, I was like, "look, it's cool if you don't want to, just lemme know if you change your mind." Now at this point I meant it. The way I looked at it, I knew I was an amazing catch being financially well off, with a little warrior streak (hooah!) And gosh darn it people like me!

    Fast-forward, we've currently been dating for over a year at this point. I've never seen a girl so madly in love before. Sometimes I think I need to teach her about Craig Kenneth's attachment theory, cause she definitely is an anxious type.

    So in Summary what is this story trying to convey?

    Do the work, learn about relationships, your insecurities, and your triggers, learn how to cope, and self-soothe, it comes in handy. Seeing a counselor helps tremendously. But please oh please don't throw out too much cash for those breakup coaches.

    Find your purpose in your life, what gets you excited to get out of bed. If it's a career change do that. If it's a new hobby or traveling do that. Find something that defines your life that isn't romance. Romance comes as a reward to character, but like a bonus check it comes when you least expect it.

    Socialize. One of the biggest advantages I had, was I already had a decent community around me being a dancer for over 10 years. If you don't have something like that, now's the time to find something like that. Hobbies, do something new to fill in the space you feel like you're missing.

    Be the best version you can be, because ultimately that's the only way to really win in "no-contact."

    No I didn't get back together with my ex. She seems happily married from when I checked her Facebook a year ago. I'm honestly happy she's found what she wanted, just like I'm very happy with my current sweetie. And isn't that what it's all about? If you truly love someone, shouldn't they just be happy, regardless of whether they're with you or not?

    I hope this helps, feel free to PM if you have any questions. I don't spend too much time here nowadays, but I do visit time to time.
    This is a great testimony! I'll definitely use it for my boys (3 boys!) if and when they ever need a good tale of reversing their romantic life.

    Thank you for sharing!

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