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Thread: Is there any point doing online dating?

  1. #1
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    Is there any point doing online dating?

    Has anyone here got any real relationships from online dating or knows people that have? I've been giving online dating more of a chance and putting more effort in this year because I'm 35 years old and want kids and marriage. I'm using a few dating sites and even a couple of paid ones. I do get quite a few messages and get dates but I'm just feeling like online dating isn't the best to actually find a serious relationship.

    I guess I don't actually have good experience of online dating myself. I've been using OLD for about 17 years (since I was 18) on and off and I've never actually had a relationship from it. I've only had a little bit of casual stuff and even then, not much. I'm a fairly attractive woman and I have a very bubbly and friendly personality, a welfare job and have my own place and a car. It's not so much that I have zero interest on online dating but it's just I keep/kept going on all these dates from online and because the connection didn't happen naturally, there's just nothing there. I've had a few long term relationships but they were all with people I met in real life.

    I'm just starting to feel a bit tired because I go on dates which end up being anywhere from two to a few hours long. I'm actually not frustrated that nothing comes of it, but more so feeling emotionally drained. I'm not sure if it may be better to just delete all the dating sites and try to put more effort into meeting people through real life groups and events. Though one of my best friends found her husband on online dating and they've been together for twelve years and have two kids. My other best friend has also been dating someone she's really into for five months that she met online. But before that she did go on dates with about fifty guys. In general I don't know that many people who found something serious on online dating.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I have two friends who found the loves of their lives on eharmony. I think the more you pay for a site, the more likely to get quality dates.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I have two friends who found the loves of their lives on eharmony. I think the more you pay for a site, the more likely to get quality dates.
    Well you're not wrong in that eharmony is pretty expensive lol I do have a paid account there which I paid for two years upfront. So I guess I may as well use it lol

  4. #4
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Tiny. For me at any rate the answer to your lead question would be "no". Besides, it sounds totally exhausting!

    However there are many who extol the wonders of OLD, and as always there will be exceptions that confirm the rule.

    As you remark:

    "I've had a few long term relationships but they were all with people I met in real life."

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Has anyone here got any real relationships from online dating or knows people that have?
    I'm coming up on two years with my girlfriend, who I met through a mutual rightward swipeóa connection more real than I've known possible. My last long relationship owes its inception to a dating app as well, though I kind of see that one as a cautionary tale of the apps as much as a success story. But it was certainly real, and I'm grateful for the shared space, the growth, all that.

    This is a hard, hard time, Tiny. Dating, at the best times, can be a bit hard, draining, emotionally exhausting, which is to say I can't help but think you might just need a moment to press pause. Personally, I had the best times with dating when I genuinely didn't care what came of it. I very much wanted partnership when I met my now-girlfriend for a glass of wineóthink I wanted family too, like you, but wasn't quite ready to admit that to myselfóbut had it been a meh hour or two? That would have been just fine, as I'd done that plenty. When it felt less than fine, I pressed pause.

    Just my few cents. Hang in there.

  7. #6
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    Itís all about perception.
    The above poster perceived that you had a few long term relationships from people you met in real life.
    And thereby insinuating that , real life is the way to go.

    However , define a successful relationship?
    Your end goal currently is to have a relationship that leads to marriage and kids.
    Because your real life relationships didnít result in that , does that mean they were unsuccessful relationships or that your goal back then wasnít what it is now?

    You have been online dating for 17 years. Why?
    What were you looking for as an 18 year old in 2003? Marriage and kids?
    I somehow doubt that? Maybe Iím wrong?
    But really were you looking for a serious relationship at 18? And at a time when online dating wasnít that popular?
    Most people didnít have easy access to Internet in 2003?
    No smart phones back then?
    So what was the reason as an 18 yr old with limited access to Internet drew you to online dating??

    I have had a few long term relationships from online meets.
    And a few from real life meets.
    Were any of them successful?
    Well again thatís all about perception.
    And end goals?

    Online dating should only be supplementary.
    If you are spending a lot of time on these sites over real life interaction , meaning meeting with friends, enjoying hobbies etc then itís dooned to fail.
    Because basically you become someone thatís not interesting to others.
    You mentioned you are putting in more effort into online dating , which suggests less effort into life in general.

    It should be something to do when you have nothing else to do!?!

    Also , meeting someone online is not really that much different to meeting someone offline.
    The first meet is simply that whether offline or online.
    The second meet is a first date.
    After that , itís irrelevant how you met.

    But people dwell too much about what others put on their OLD profile. And assume it to be true.

    Do you believe your profile is accurate? Did you actually put on there that your ultimate goal is marriage and kids ?
    That wonít scare a guy whose bed goal is the same? It will deter the guys not wanting the same.

    And thereby reducing the amount of contact you get but in a good and productive way.

    What you need to realise is that OLD allows you to talk to numerous people in a short amount of time.
    If there was no OLD , how long would it take you to actually bump into that amount of people to have a chit chat with in real life?
    The rejection rate is super high. But thatís just a reflection on the amount of people you chat to.

    How many dates (encounters) have you been on over 17 years via OLD versus real life?

    Basically what Iím trying to say is be present online but only supplementary.
    You really shouldnít spend more than 30 mins per day online.

    Be more interesting than that and donít have the free time to put in more effort into it.

    Good luck!!!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I have. I treat it like any other venue, really. As I'm aging though I'm finding my interests fairly specific and most of them are not found on online dating. As many will attest, it's a lot of screening and rifling through plenty of profiles. At this moment I'd really prefer more to make a B line for my interests in general and happen to meet people who are also doing the same thing.

    There is more than one way to get to the destination. If this isn't working for you, give it a rest. It doesn't mean it's all you or you're the problem. Now might not be the right time. Try something else.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    There is no such thing as online dating - it's nothing more than just another avenue for getting introduced to people you might want to date.

    No different really than meeting a guy at an event and deciding to meet up for a coffee or happy hour another day. Only difference is that online, you see the person's interests, hobbies, etc but you have no idea if you'll have any real life chemistry in person, so it can be a slog. You get excited about meeting a person you have a lot in common with, but then, no chemistry and it's disappointing.

    That said, if you have realistic expectations, don't waste a lot of time chatting online and developing fantasies about that person and instead quickly meet them for a coffee and a chat to see IF there is that real life click, it can be a good way to meet the right person. Certainly has worked for me. Only thing I'd say is that I stuck with more reputable paid sites.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Tiny,

    I hear you completely. I am fairly successful doing OLD but I felt like I was getting nowhere. I took a break for 2 years and tried to meet women in real life.

    Guess what? Times have changed in real life. So many people are not looking up from their phones and they miss what is going on around them. I felt like the single women (my assumption) that I did try and chat up were so used to OLD they had lost some of the ability to meet in real life without some sort of premise or earlier introduction. I am friendly, okay looking and have no problem talking to anyone but it was a lot harder than it used to be. Maybe it was me...

    Before the pandemic hit I was thinking I would unhide my profiles but instead of just concentrating on OLD I would do both IRL and OLD. I was thinking it would be a lot healthier and increase my chances. Of course my plan has been put on hold until life gets back to some sense of normalcy. What do you think of trying that idea or have you already tried it?

    When we are young everything is wide open in front of us but as life goes along the path narrows, not sure why but I know it does.

    I do know several people that met online and even more that met because their buddy or gf met someone online and then all the combined friends would hang out and then new relationships would form from there. Usually younger people though.

    There is someone out there for for you and I think once the pandemic has subsided there will be a wave of people that will be more serious about finding and being in a real relationship.

    Lost

  11. #10
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Hi Tiny

    I've been thinking exactly the same thing. I too am 35, and I just find the whole thing exhausting. I've sent out many messages to women, always trying to personalise it after reading their profile....and 99% of the time the messages have been ignored. I get it....it's easier to just ignore when you aren't interested. I read somewhere that to do OLD you have to have good self esteem, (which I haven't) so I figure its not the best place for me, although to be fair my self confidence is getting better.

    I find OLD just incredibly shallow....we all tend to judge on a photo.

    2021 I'm determined to get out there and meet people, through socialising with friends etc and see if it leads somewhere.

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