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Thread: Is there any point doing online dating?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ManyDates
    eHarmony is the worst dating site out there. Its filled with dead profiles they present to you as active and so does match. Back in 2013-2014 Match use to be good but eHarmony has always been a scam. Best "sites" (around here anyway) are bumble and hinge.
    This is actually a good point. I wouldn't say any site is dead as such. More that certain sites are more popular in a given location than others. So it's important to find the site that is active in your particular area. I actually noticed that when I had to move around for work. There will only be 1-2 sites that are very popular and active and the rest not so much and not worth bothering with.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Dalesboy
    Hi Tiny

    I've been thinking exactly the same thing. I too am 35, and I just find the whole thing exhausting. I've sent out many messages to women, always trying to personalise it after reading their profile....and 99% of the time the messages have been ignored. I get it....it's easier to just ignore when you aren't interested. I read somewhere that to do OLD you have to have good self esteem, (which I haven't) so I figure its not the best place for me, although to be fair my self confidence is getting better.

    I find OLD just incredibly shallow....we all tend to judge on a photo.

    2021 I'm determined to get out there and meet people, through socialising with friends etc and see if it leads somewhere.
    Don't use sites that require you to send a message, especially if its free. Last girl I dated said she signed up to POF and would wake up to 100 messages every day, she just went into the settings and deleted it. I met her on Bumble.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ManyDates
    eHarmony is the worst dating site out there. Its filled with dead profiles they present to you as active and so does match. Back in 2013-2014 Match use to be good but eHarmony has always been a scam. Best "sites" (around here anyway) are bumble and hinge.
    That was my gut feeling. Actually more than a gut feeling, but as certain as I could be.
    The most expensive one out there. You jump through hoops, answer the endless list of questions and they send you matches that aren't really matches.
    I did get the sense after I went through the first round they were sending me inactive ones. How come the second and third round never, ever responded? I went back years later and the exact same thing happened.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    That was my gut feeling. The most expensive one out there. You jump t through hoops, answer the endless list of questions and send you matches that aren't really matches. I did get the sense after I went through the first round they were sending me inactive ones. How come the second and third round never ever responded? I went back years later and the exact same thing happened.
    Yes you jump through hoops and all they end up sending you is whoever is closest, which makes the whole thing pointless. You only need to do a quick search to read some reviews on that site to see what its all about, its a scam. I was on it back in the day when the profiles would say "not active for 30+ days" meaning the person was long gone (and it was 90% of the matches they'd send you). Then they removed that - tells you all you need to know.

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  6. #25
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ManyDates
    Don't use sites that require you to send a message, especially if its free. Last girl I dated said she signed up to POF and would wake up to 100 messages every day, she just went into the settings and deleted it. I met her on Bumble.
    Never have. I use two dating sites (and both paid), one based for those in the UK who live rurally. I've had better success there, but its a small site. The other is match, where my messages have been ignored. I wont be renewing match when the sub runs out.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Tiny. For me at any rate the answer to your lead question would be "no". Besides, it sounds totally exhausting!

    However there are many who extol the wonders of OLD, and as always there will be exceptions that confirm the rule.

    As you remark:

    "I've had a few long term relationships but they were all with people I met in real life."
    Collectively I actually have met a huge amount of people on online dating sites but I just find that if I talk to a few people at the same time online and go on 1-2 dates a week, I get really exhausted. I don't have very high expectations (in fact super low due to my low success rate lol). During 8 month COVID quarantine I was just talking to people online and I video chatted with a few people. The video chatting wasn't really going well because some people were awkward and very nervous (including me lol) and seemed more so because of the video format. And some people were ending the conversation after only about 20-40 minutes I guess coz they weren't interested. One guy ended the video call after 20 minutes because he said he had to take a shower. He also held his phone in his hand on the video call and kept waving it around and I pretty much could hardly see his face. Weirdly he was still contacting me afterwards but I got a bad impression of him, so I didn't pursue it.

  8. #27
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    One guy ended the video call after 20 minutes because he said he had to take a shower.
    Seriously, how incredibly rude!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm coming up on two years with my girlfriend, who I met through a mutual rightward swipeóa connection more real than I've known possible. My last long relationship owes its inception to a dating app as well, though I kind of see that one as a cautionary tale of the apps as much as a success story. But it was certainly real, and I'm grateful for the shared space, the growth, all that.

    This is a hard, hard time, Tiny. Dating, at the best times, can be a bit hard, draining, emotionally exhausting, which is to say I can't help but think you might just need a moment to press pause. Personally, I had the best times with dating when I genuinely didn't care what came of it. I very much wanted partnership when I met my now-girlfriend for a glass of wineóthink I wanted family too, like you, but wasn't quite ready to admit that to myselfóbut had it been a meh hour or two? That would have been just fine, as I'd done that plenty. When it felt less than fine, I pressed pause.

    Just my few cents. Hang in there.
    Congratulations on finding your girlfriend blue! I think the thing with me personally is because I've never found anything real or serious on OLD, I just feel discouraged I guess. I've also done speed dating and singles events throughout my life and never met anyone through that either. I'm just finding these days that so many people are doing OLD that it does seem to be a popular avenue to meet people and becoming very common. COVID restrictions have eased in my city, so I'll start attending some Meetups. We are still required to wear masks though and only ten people allowed to attend a meeting. So I can't really tell if I find someone attractive and there are also not many people at these events, but it's better than nothing.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Itís all about perception.
    The above poster perceived that you had a few long term relationships from people you met in real life.
    And thereby insinuating that , real life is the way to go.

    However , define a successful relationship?
    Your end goal currently is to have a relationship that leads to marriage and kids.
    Because your real life relationships didnít result in that , does that mean they were unsuccessful relationships or that your goal back then wasnít what it is now?

    You have been online dating for 17 years. Why?
    What were you looking for as an 18 year old in 2003? Marriage and kids?
    I somehow doubt that? Maybe Iím wrong?
    But really were you looking for a serious relationship at 18? And at a time when online dating wasnít that popular?
    Most people didnít have easy access to Internet in 2003?
    No smart phones back then?
    So what was the reason as an 18 yr old with limited access to Internet drew you to online dating??

    I have had a few long term relationships from online meets.
    And a few from real life meets.
    Were any of them successful?
    Well again thatís all about perception.
    And end goals?

    Online dating should only be supplementary.
    If you are spending a lot of time on these sites over real life interaction , meaning meeting with friends, enjoying hobbies etc then itís dooned to fail.
    Because basically you become someone thatís not interesting to others.
    You mentioned you are putting in more effort into online dating , which suggests less effort into life in general.

    It should be something to do when you have nothing else to do!?!

    Also , meeting someone online is not really that much different to meeting someone offline.
    The first meet is simply that whether offline or online.
    The second meet is a first date.
    After that , itís irrelevant how you met.

    But people dwell too much about what others put on their OLD profile. And assume it to be true.

    Do you believe your profile is accurate? Did you actually put on there that your ultimate goal is marriage and kids ?
    That wonít scare a guy whose bed goal is the same? It will deter the guys not wanting the same.

    And thereby reducing the amount of contact you get but in a good and productive way.

    What you need to realise is that OLD allows you to talk to numerous people in a short amount of time.
    If there was no OLD , how long would it take you to actually bump into that amount of people to have a chit chat with in real life?
    The rejection rate is super high. But thatís just a reflection on the amount of people you chat to.

    How many dates (encounters) have you been on over 17 years via OLD versus real life?

    Basically what Iím trying to say is be present online but only supplementary.
    You really shouldnít spend more than 30 mins per day online.

    Be more interesting than that and donít have the free time to put in more effort into it.

    Good luck!!!
    Thanks Billie! Actually weirdly I seem to be the kind of person that sometimes just knows deep down/has a gut feeling what I want in life. This did actually happen at a young age. For example, when I was 13 years old, I liked my school counsellor and I decided I want to help people like her. I then went on to study psychology, disability and mental health courses at college and have been working in welfare for nearly eight years now. I think I always knew I wanted marriage and kids and as a teenager used to look at pregnant women and think: "That's so sweet they're going to be a Mum, lucky them. I want that one day."

    Certainly as a teenager and in my early 20's, I wasn't actually looking for kids and marriage, but I did want a serious relationship. Like, I wanted to be in a monogamous committed relationship which I hoped would last long. There weren't any dating apps and the swiping and matching thing wasn't there. But there were dating websites where you just saw people's profiles and messaged them. And yes I was using them since I was 18 years old.

    Over the last nearly 18 years I'd say collectively I have met hundreds of people from online dating. I did try to meet up with people whose profiles I liked and had things in common and things like that. I really don't know why it never worked out in the sense that no actual relationship ever came of any of it. The most I had was maybe a couple of hookup type things and a couple of FWB.

    So it's difficult just for me personally to feel like OLD is successful but obviously it has been successful for some people.

    Yes my profile is very accurate. I fill in everything that needs to be filled in very honestly and my photos are not professional photography, no filters, very recent. In fact just recently I got told by my date that I look exactly like my pictures in real life.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Dalesboy
    Seriously, how incredibly rude!
    Yeah this one was bizarre! The guy was video calling from his phone but he didn't put it down or just hold his hand out. He just held the phone randomly and I didn't see his face, only his forehead, his ear, side of the face lol Which I thought was really weird because we were calling on whatsapp and we were both on the phone app where you can see yourself on the bottom of the screen. But it was like he didn't care. After 20 minutes he said he'd go to take a shower. It was only like 6 p.m. in the evening so not bedtime. I didn't hear from him for a few days so figured he wasn't interested. But then he contacted me again and I was thinking, what the actual? If you're at least semi interested then why did you behave like this? So I just ignored lol

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