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Thread: Is there any point doing online dating?

  1. #11
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    Several - actually, many. A number who have kids now. But I know it sounds like semantics but one of the keys is not to date online. Only to use the dating sites as a way to meet someone in person ASAP. I had no LTR through dating sites but met some really good people and had a few short term relationships. I used dating sites for about 5 years or so until I was in my late 30s (before that, written personal ads). My husband was on dating sites in between the two times we dated and he's an awesome person, marriage-minded, etc. It's like a part time job but for me it was worth it since my goals were marriage and family. Wouldn't have been worth it just to find people to date.

    Sorry you're struggling with it!

  2. #12
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    It definitely didn't work for me, mostly because of this reason:

    Originally Posted by Dalesboy
    I find OLD just incredibly shallow....we all tend to judge on a photo.
    but many other reasons as well . . . and anyone I know who found someone online hasn't been recently, it's all been 4 or 5 years ago or longer. My conclusion is OLD has "Jumped the Shark" as they say.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    networking with friends family and coworkers, attending social distancing events to meet and greet new people is your best bet. These days it's even worse to navigate the dating scene...may have to wait til there a vaccine.....January maybe?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    My personal observation isn't that it's all shallow and whatever, but rather that people who tend to be more pragmatic have better success than those who tend to be more romantic.

    My friends and I had a blast dating and found it quite easy to meet guys from OLD. We are a pragmatic bunch though and would totally talk to the guys with the fuzzy selfie and some pics grinning with a fresh caught fish. If he then says, "Hey I'm terrible at this e-mailing stuff, can we just meet in person and talk over dinner or drinks or coffee, pick a place you are comfortable with and I'll be there." Bonus! The guys were real and the dates were actually fun even if the chemistry wasn't always there.

    However, if you are looking for model pics, romantic walks on the beach or fall for drivel like "he is looking for his queen"....yeah....you are going to run into scammers and losers. Consider that a normal guy simply won't go to those lengths for a profile and won't talk like that. These are red flags.

    A lot of OLD is learning to read between the lines and just like any dating, noticing red flags. For example, "I'm not looking for drama" = I will be providing ALL the drama and don't want competition.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Everyone's experience is different, of course. I've been married for 9 years, together 11, with a man I met on OLD. The neighbors across the street met on OLD and have been married 12.

    A friend married the guy she met at a car dealership when she bought her car.

    When I did OLD for over 2 years, I went on dates with about 30 men, and yeah, there were a lot of crazy, frustrating and upsetting times during all that. I had only found out about Meetup.com right before I met my husband, and enjoyed that as a less stressful experience. Didn't meet anybody I clicked with at the activities, but different people show up to them all the time, so I don't doubt I would've eventually met someone to date. Don't know if they have Meetup.com activities where you live, but you should check it out if they do.

    I also took East Coast Swing group dance lessons which were followed by a dance, and did meet someone I dated for a few months. But I soon found out that he was addicted to the new crop of females at these events and was used to dating someone new every few months.

    I actually didn't have any luck on E-Harmony. Didn't seem to be too many candidates in my area. Only briefly talked to one guy whose photo was so far away I could barely see what he looked like, and his whole profile was about his deceased wife, and I could tell nobody would live up to his angel.

    I'd say once it's safe to do so, just get out into the world with volunteering, hobbies, clubs, Meetup.com, and dates with OLD. You never know where you'll meet a potential partner. Good luck.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I started online dating several years ago. It was new, fresh and so were the people. Over the years and the sharp uphill trend to all things cyber related the numbers quadrupled.

    With that comes higher numbers in scammers, undesirables and somewhere in between are the smaller percentage of those of who intentions are in the right place. Weeding through that can be treacherous. lol

    I met my current bf on line over 3 years ago. At that time I was pretty much done due to seeing the same faces still there from 10 years ago. My experience was 90% of them just wanted an electronic friend, the other 9% were scammers. The odds of meeting that 1% that I might even be attracted to wasn't odds I was willing to do any longer. That and the often creepy people who you expose yourself to will leave you with a bad taste. I know it did me.

    I had been single for about 6 months and on a slow night I put up my profile, skimmed around my area and thought to myself that there was only one person I might consider meeting. But with that I shut it down and didn't return for a couple weeks. On a long road trip and a lot of time on my hands I checked my email (created for OLD only) and the one guy I thought was a possibility could see I had viewed his profile and said "so, you aren't even going to say hello?" The rest is history. Even with that I was reluctant and cancelled our first meet. (as I am every so often reminded)

    Having said that, I can't imagine what it's like now, 3 1/2 years later. But it works. Its up to you how much patience and fortitude you have. I noticed the less I cared about the outcome the more I could stay in the game. The moment I get frustrated or burned out, I'd take a break.

    I also didn't want to view meeting someone who wasn't a match a loss either. I met some really nice men and remained friends with them for some time.

    Also, I always seemed to have better luck with men who were new to OLD. Catch them while they are fresh. . lol! That would be one of the first questions I'd ask. What their experiences were like and how long they've been at it. It's pretty telling.

    There are some men (and i imagine women) that i referred to as "squatters. For whatever reason they had no intention on getting off the sites. That and sussing out whether they were willing to meet you for a cup of coffee sooner than later. If they pushed back, I'd move on.

    If I was single today, I doubt I would do it again, to be honest. But I'm just at a place in my life that single is an option. If someone throws themself on my windshield, I might consider it. But I shouldn't have to work so hard at it.

    I got lucky with my guy. Besides he sets the bar pretty high. He's be impossible to replace :)

  8. #17
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Only briefly talked to one guy whose photo was so far away I could barely see what he looked like, and his whole profile was about his deceased wife, and I could tell nobody would live up to his angel.
    Wow, like something out of a bad movie!! lol

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maritalbliss86
    Wow, like something out of a bad movie!! lol
    Oh, I have far worse stories. A co-worker says that now I'm happily married, she misses all the hilariously horrible tales I'd tell of my OLD encounters.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Oh, I have far worse stories. A co-worker says that now I'm happily married, she misses all the hilariously horrible tales I'd tell of my OLD encounters.
    I have a long list of cray-cray experiences too. lol

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well you're not wrong in that eharmony is pretty expensive lol I do have a paid account there which I paid for two years upfront. So I guess I may as well use it lol
    eHarmony is the worst dating site out there. Its filled with dead profiles they present to you as active and so does match. Back in 2013-2014 Match use to be good but eHarmony has always been a scam. Best "sites" (around here anyway) are bumble and hinge.

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