Female 45 / Male 23

I am a 45 year old woman professional and in great shape. I recently met a 23 year old male at a restaurant that I frequent (he works there) and he has been pursuing me. At first I was bit freaked about the age difference, but now find him quite attractive.

Im really out of the dating game, but want to check this guy out. My last relationship was with a man, similar to my age who is gay and has never come out.

Im looking to have some fun and enjoy life while you can in these crazy Covid times. I find engaging with this man a little odd. Is this what 23 year old do? FaceTime for sex and play peek a boo show me what’s under your skirt? He’s a nice enough guy has manners ie hold door open, gives tons of compliments. But is the FaceTime foreplay normal? the guy works very hard, at one restaurant in the day and another one at night, 7 day a week, so most of our communications are on FaceTime.

He also gets very flirty on the calls. Could someone please tell me if this is normal behavior for a 23 year old. Seems he want suggestive photos as well. Is this normal for Gen Z??? They also can’t really commit to plans or are shy about making them.

Someone please educated me in the new normal.

I'm just asking and not trying to be offensive, but we are close in age and I have a son close to this guys age....wouldn't you feel like a mother figure to him? I mean, he could literally be your kid.

Speaking for myself only, it would feel like I'm dating someone who just left high school, lol. Like SherrySher says above - it would feel like I'm his mother. I couldn't do it even if you paid me. As for sending him suggestive photos ..... hell NO! I would imagine the first thing he would do is share them with all of his friends.

OP, you're a mature adult woman. No-one can tell you what's right or wrong. Go by your own morals and values etc etc.

hell NO! I would imagine the first thing he would do is share them with all of his friends.

Yes, for sure.

And the facetime warm up for sex? No only does that scream immature but if he was a grown man, there's no way he would be engaging in this type of thing. He'd be too busy doing something like making you dinner and inviting you over to his home for a cozy night in.

The fact that you're asking if this is normal for Gen Z, should tip you off on how disconnected you and he really are.

Sexting and trying to engage you in some naughty FaceTime sessions is not unusual for young, horny guys, no. (Though to be fair, I know men plenty older than him who do it, too)

Him not wanting to commit to plans isn't because he's 23. It's because he doesn't want to actually date you, he just wants to have some fun. Young folks have no problem making plans and sticking to them when they really want to see someone.

If you're looking for a more mature, serious dating experience - this isn't your guy.

FaceTime and photos can be recorded and shown around. Some people do it but it's asking for trouble. Imo, it's never worth the risk. Don't do it. As for "having fun" with someone half your age, again you need to be careful as there are plenty of ways it could backfire e.g. catching feelings and then getting hurt when it ends, being taken advantage financially etc. Based on his behaviour (asking for suggestive photos, not being able to make or commit to plans), he sounds immature and disrespectful i.e. not worth the risk.

This doesn't seem like an age thing. It seems he doesn't want to date but just wants sexting perhaps to masturbate to.

Decide for yourself if you want your images posted on the internet or passed around his friends.

Thanks for the responses. The last time I dated, either the pool of men were not doing this sort of thing (FaceTime) or technology wasn’t quite there. I can’t say I'm really looking to date him like I would someone my own age - I would not expect a 23 year old to cook dinner, be a shoulder to cry on after a hard day’s work and/or partake in more mature activities. But what should I do? Be a nun for another 5 years until someone saintly with a universal approval rate comes along? Not going to happen and very hard to do with COVID.

My last LT relationship was with someone who was not sexual, who was closeted but needed a straight partner for his image. This was unbeknownst to me and a waste of 7 years. That ended a few years ago with no one since then. I don’t think it is normal to not have sex, so when this relationship presented itself, I initially thought no way, but am warming-up to the idea. Also, I should mention he initiates calls/hits on me, not the other way around. I am simply on the receiving end. This should reduce the creepiness factor somewhat as he is an adult and can make his own choices and pursue what he wants.

I agree with the risk of posting things online. He is risking himself much more than I am as far as revealing activities.

While I totally agree with what has been posted, I have been out of the loop so long that I am totally unversed when it comes to using one’s phone for nefarious activities. Is this foreplay? Is this how people start-off now?

Anyway, I can shut the whole thing down immediately if I feel its getting creepy/risky, but that will be my call. I was more interested to know if this is is the norm for younger people, especially during the lock-down.....Thanks for your responses in advance.

SherrySher, thanks for your response. I don’t have children, so no I do not feel like anyones mother.

I was more interested to know if this is is the norm for younger people, especially during the lock-down.....Thanks for your responses in advance.

Just from reading the posts on this forum, it does seem to have become somewhat normal. Which is so funny to me.... I mean, I laugh about it with my boyfriend. When the internet really started become what it is today, in the late 90s, we were in our early 20s and this is what we didn't want to happen. It just seemed like the worst thing in the world would be for someone to plaster naked pictures (or compromising video!) of you across the internet.

I assumed that the next generation--technology "natives"--would be much more savvy about letting this sort of thing get out there, but the opposite seems to be true. They're like lemmings running off of a cliff. It happens so much that it's now become normal to hear about nudes and sexting and whatever else you can do with a 'device.' Pretty soon, nobody will bat an eye at this stuff, at least not in their generation. But our generation will probably continue feel a lot less comfortable about it.

I really don't think that you, as a 45 year old woman, are going to find this relationship truly satisfying in any way, except for this very weak form of attention that he pays you--which he can then turn around and upload to pornhub if he wants. Is it worth the cost?

It's not an age thing. It's a horndog thing. Some 60 y/o man could be doing the same thing if he wanted something to masturbate to, but didn't want any in person dating.

I have been out of the loop so long that I am totally unversed when it comes to using one’s phone for nefarious activities. Is this foreplay? Is this how people start-off now? I was more interested to know if this is is the norm for younger people, especially during the lock-down.....Thanks for your responses in advance.

HI sadchick , my first thought ..honestly ...what the heck are you doing in restaurants during a lockdown lol .... ( I am uk ) I didn't realise a pandemic would ever be the first thought on my mind !!!

Look if you want a bit of fun , sex , a laugh then hell girl go for it ... he is your man ...and there is no harm in wanting to break out after the year we are all having . But long term hmmmm I was early30's when I had my daughter with a man early 20's and by God could I tell the difference . Now he is in his 40's and me 50's we are more equal in thought and behaviour but early 20's ...

I find engaging with this man a little odd. Is this what 23 year old do? FaceTime for sex and play peek a boo show me what’s under your skirt?

You find that odd and describe it as peek a boo ....so that alone ^^^ should tell you how different your thoughts are and how differently you view things .

I think you can do what you want because this guy is not under age or anything. But I don't think this guy wants to date you and his interest in you is only sexual. If he immediately began to send sexual messages and wants nude photos straight away, it's pretty clear what he's looking for. I don't think the age alone indicates that this guy is a horn dog, but his behaviour certainly does. If you're just looking for sex then go for it! But he's not into you for dating. I think maybe he sees you as an experienced older woman or has a fetish for older women.

I would agree Tiny.

"I think maybe he sees you as an experienced older woman or has a fetish for older women."

HI sadchick , my first thought ..honestly ...what the heck are you doing in restaurants during a lockdown lol .... ( I am uk ) I didn't realise a pandemic would ever be the first thought on my mind !!!

 

Look if you want a bit of fun , sex , a laugh then hell girl go for it ... he is your man ...and there is no harm in wanting to break out after the year we are all having . But long term hmmmm I was early30's when I had my daughter with a man early 20's and by God could I tell the difference . Now he is on his 40's and me 50's we are more equal in thought and behaviour but early 20's ...

 

 

 

You find that odd and describe it as peek a boo ....so that alone ^^^ should tell you how different your thoughts are and how differently you view things .

Pippi, I am in an area that allows outdoor restaurants, so not an issue. LOL, you are right. I am dating myself by using the term peek a boo.

Jibralta: I am not planning on doing anything that can be recorded at this point. We had like one FaceTime that did something that was a bit smutty, but nothing crazy. And no, it is not worth the cost.

You’ve gotten plenty of advice but I thought I’d give some gen Z wisdom! My generation seem to be extremely sex positive as it is, and the advancement of tech means sex is accessible whether through porn or sexting (more so than it may of been for previous generations)

It’s important to be safe regardless of age, if you’re going to share nudes through Snapchat or be intimate over FaceTime, you have the insurance of knowing both apps will alert you if any thing is screenshotted, screen recorded, or saved, so if you feel comfortable and confident, there is no shame in sharing a nude. As for his intentions, I think dating within my generation can be odd compared to previous generations, best thing to do is open up a discussion in person about where the relationship is going, especially with an age gap, for your safety literally and emotionally (gen z can be a bit evasive, if you open a discussion and feel like his answers are confusing, or give you absolutely no information, that may not be a good thing)

There is no shame in an age gap! But every age gap has the potential to have started because of sexuality and fetishisation

But what should I do? Be a nun for another 5 years until someone saintly with a universal approval rate comes along? Not going to happen and very hard to do with COVID.

No, but just know what you're signing up for.

If you want some no-strings fun, proceed. If you want actual dates, abort.

You’ve gotten plenty of advice but I thought I’d give some gen Z wisdom! My generation seem to be extremely sex positive as it is, and the advancement of tech means sex is accessible whether through porn or sexting (more so than it may of been for previous generations)

 

It’s important to be safe regardless of age, if you’re going to share nudes through Snapchat or be intimate over FaceTime, you have the insurance of knowing both apps will alert you if any thing is screenshotted, screen recorded, or saved, so if you feel comfortable and confident, there is no shame in sharing a nude. As for his intentions, I think dating within my generation can be odd compared to previous generations, best thing to do is open up a discussion in person about where the relationship is going, especially with an age gap, for your safety literally and emotionally (gen z can be a bit evasive, if you open a discussion and feel like his answers are confusing, or give you absolutely no information, that may not be a good thing)

 

There is no shame in an age gap! But every age gap has the potential to have started because of sexuality and fetishisation

Oh very nice answer , welcome to the forum MC

I think you can do what you want because this guy is not under age or anything. But I don't think this guy wants to date you and his interest in you is only sexual. If he immediately began to send sexual messages and wants nude photos straight away, it's pretty clear what he's looking for. I don't think the age alone indicates that this guy is a horn dog, but his behaviour certainly does. If you're just looking for sex then go for it! But he's not into you for dating. I think maybe he sees you as an experienced older woman or has a fetish for older women.

Yea Tinydance, I agree, it is basically sexual. Not sure if you have ever got out of a long term relationship, but sometimes you just want to cleanse yourself of your last guy. Have you ever felt like this?? My last put on a charade of being straight, but actually was a closeted gay. This hurt me for quite a while, but I’m over it now and want to move on. I don’t mind being the object of someones fetish, what’s wrong with that? However, I don’t want to be on some porn site or be disrespected.

Covid times are tough times. I also, for a reason I cannot mention here, have been unable to leave my apartment for 2 years after 7pm (due to a noisy pet), so I have little social life. This sort of arrangement was actually in someways is ideal.

"Be a nun for another 5 years until someone saintly with a universal approval rate comes along? "

Oh, please, no, SC!! Don't do that. Never be a "nun", and keep well away from the "saintly". They are never quite what they seem, lol.

It's not an age thing. It's a horndog thing. Some 60 y/o man could be doing the same thing if he wanted something to masturbate to, but didn't want any in person dating.

Yes, not an age thing at all -when I was using dating sites and dating up a storm in my 30s one way I screened people out was if they mentioned something sexual early on or made sexual comments - technology is irrelevant -men of all ages who are looking for a sexual arrangement will tell you/show you/whisper it to you often very early on as they do not want to waste their time. It's fine that he wants a sexual arrangement and to interact mostly in a sexual way but no it has nothing to do with his age -it has to do with what he is interested in with you.

My niece's husband is 26 - been married to my niece for about 7 years - 2 kids. No he never did this . My friend has a son, same age, serious girlfriend for the last 3 years or so - they dated properly and now live together and likely will marry. Same with another friend's son -same age range. I know of many more examples. I also know of men who are in our age range (you are 45, I am 54) who woud choose to behave this way if they wanted a sexual arrangement.

If you want to have fun sexting with him and having a sexual arrangement go for it -he's of legal age. But please don't assume men his age all behave this way or that he is interested in a potential relationship with you. If he were he would never risk acting this way unless he knew you didn't want a relationship with him and he was in the mood for a sex partner.

Pippi, I am in an area that allows outdoor restaurants, so not an issue. LOL, you are right. I am dating myself by using the term peek a boo.

Oh thank goodness lol .... hopefully we will all look back at this and laugh .....

Yea Tinydance, I agree, it is basically sexual. Not sure if you have ever got out of a long term relationship, but sometimes you just want to cleanse yourself of your last guy. Have you ever felt like this?? My last put on a charade of being straight, but actually was a closeted gay. This hurt me for quite a while, but I’m over it now and want to move on. I don’t mind being the object of someones fetish, what’s wrong with that? However, I don’t want to be on some porn site or be disrespected.

 

Covid times are tough times. I also, for a reason I cannot mention here, have been unable to leave my apartment for 2 years after 7pm (due to a noisy pet), so I have little social life. This sort of arrangement was actually in someways is ideal.

My suggestion is not to cleanse yourself by having this sort of arrangement -and if you feel like you need a fresh start/to cleanse there are so many ways to do that that can include dating and don't need to. I get stressed and anxious over this pandemic and overwhelmed and feel those needs too -yes I know not the same exact thing - but I know about pent up frustration/you've had it -being fried. I have go to ways to alleviate that which I figured out pre-covid when there were other stresses.

I don't think he respects you as a person unless you have told him you're just looking for the same thing -then you both can respect each other's stated boundaries. If you're questioning whether it's ok for him to treat you in the way he is that tells me that it's crossing your boundaries. That's ok, just be honest with yourself.

Yea Tinydance, I agree, it is basically sexual. Not sure if you have ever got out of a long term relationship, but sometimes you just want to cleanse yourself of your last guy. Have you ever felt like this?? My last put on a charade of being straight, but actually was a closeted gay. This hurt me for quite a while, but I’m over it now and want to move on. I don’t mind being the object of someones fetish, what’s wrong with that? However, I don’t want to be on some porn site or be disrespected.

 

Covid times are tough times. I also, for a reason I cannot mention here, have been unable to leave my apartment for 2 years after 7pm (due to a noisy pet), so I have little social life. This sort of arrangement was actually in someways is ideal.

I totally get all this ...sometimes you just want to have fun ... be someone's older woman fetish ( been there and yes it was fun and fun again and again )

Just enjoy , don't invest , don't write/post/ anything that you wouldn't want your mam to see and enjoy life . Don't over think it sad chick , I always went for younger in my life but some ages cannot gel .... for me it was early20's and me early 30's as I said .

My suggestion is not to cleanse yourself by having this sort of arrangement -and if you feel like you need a fresh start/to cleanse there are so many ways to do that that can include dating and don't need to. I get stressed and anxious over this pandemic and overwhelmed and feel those needs too -yes I know not the same exact thing - but I know about pent up frustration/you've had it -being fried. I have go to ways to alleviate that which I figured out pre-covid when there were other stresses.

Batya, I have tried to date, as old as 61 in my area. The issue is I live in a retirement-age area. Not abnormal to see folks with walkers and other devices. Not being critical, its just how it is here. There is simply no one my age here. The average age at my apartment complex is 80.