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Thread: Worried about how my family will treat my girlfriend.

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Yea, A LOT of people think this way unfortunately. I used to work with drug addicts. A lot of habitual meth users are missing teeth. And meth is a huge problem in my area right now. So sadly, missing or broken teeth are stereotyped that way. When my Om and my sister saw one of my employees was missing a tooth there was a whole conversation about how sorry I would be when the methhead I hired steals all my money, etc. My employee is not a methhead or any kind of drug user. She just has a deficiency that caused her to lose a tooth. And it was just as upsetting that they think I would hire a methehead to work for me.

    My gf tried online dating before her and I got together. We met organically, not on a dating site. She is absolutely stunning. She is 5'9'' and has a body like a runway model, long legs, etc. She has dark wavy hair to the middle of her back and really pretty blue eyes. So she attracted attention online, being so good looking. but there were people who just straight up stopped being interested at all when they found out about her teeth. That's pretty sad.
    I really did not know about this stigma, this assumption. I mean I thank you for educating me and I'm sorry to know that this goes on.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think there will always be people who make snarky comments and judgey comments. If they treat her politely that's all they are obligated to do. I would say nothing in advance or make a deal out of it. Show up. If any disrespect or rudeness is targeted to her - and I'd try to be sure not to be looking for it lest you misinterpret something harmless - then you cut the visit short with no drama. If you feel like it later on when you're calm explain calmly that you couldn't allow your SO to be subjected to rude comments.

    Also I'd avoid initiating any sensitive topics - religion, politics, sexual orientation, etc -you can only control you but if you do that you lessen the risk of things going awry. It's nice that she wants to attend.
    Thank you.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Leave any pre-event discussions about her teeth out. It's too anticipatory and anxious for people you don't appear to think highly of in the first place (I'm speaking about your family members). Telling them ahead of time as a warning isn't going to stop them from yapping behind your girlfriend's back.

    If you have a higher degree of respect for your family members and anticipate something like mild shock or sincere concern, I'd say it's a different matter and would approach those family members in a different way.

    From your account of things you barely see eye to eye with them.

    I can tell you're deeply anxious and that is fine. We are all more or less a little nervous sometimes bringing an S.O. to family gatherings, especially important ones so keep this in perspective if possible. Let your love and care for each other shine through in your interactions.
    Thank you.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    So, just an update for everyone... this get together will likely still happen, but my girlfriend and I won't be going. I am on quarantine for ten days because there's a chance I could have covid. There have been several confirmed cases where I work, most of which are people who work in or go in and out of the quality lab, and I go in the lab regularly. I got really sick out of the blue yesterday and had to go get tested. The doctor wants me home at least until the results come back. And my girlfriend works for a company that has a lot of immune-compromised clients. Her boss already told her if she starts showing any symptoms she will be off for two weeks and if she gets sick she could lose her job. So we are staying 6 feet away from each other even at home right now.

    All these replies were helpful though, so thanks to everyone. My family will meet her eventually even if not this weekend.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    So, just an update for everyone... this get together will likely still happen, but my girlfriend and I won't be going. I am on quarantine for ten days because there's a chance I could have covid. There have been several confirmed cases where I work, most of which are people who work in or go in and out of the quality lab, and I go in the lab regularly. I got really sick out of the blue yesterday and had to go get tested. The doctor wants me home at least until the results come back. And my girlfriend works for a company that has a lot of immune-compromised clients. Her boss already told her if she starts showing any symptoms she will be off for two weeks and if she gets sics she could lose her job. So we are staying 6 feet away from each other even at home right now.

    All these replies were helpful though, so thanks to everyone. My family will meet her eventually even if not this weekend.
    OK so, one I hope neither of you has covid. And two maybe sorta a blessing in disguise -at least putting off the meeting??
    Please do feel better.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    So, just an update for everyone... this get together will likely still happen, but my girlfriend and I won't be going. I am on quarantine for ten days because there's a chance I could have covid. There have been several confirmed cases where I work, most of which are people who work in or go in and out of the quality lab, and I go in the lab regularly. I got really sick out of the blue yesterday and had to go get tested. The doctor wants me home at least until the results come back. And my girlfriend works for a company that has a lot of immune-compromised clients. Her boss already told her if she starts showing any symptoms she will be off for two weeks and if she gets sick she could lose her job. So we are staying 6 feet away from each other even at home right now.

    All these replies were helpful though, so thanks to everyone. My family will meet her eventually even if not this weekend.
    My heart goes out to you and GF. Holding you both in my thoughts and hoping for a safe and healthy outcome.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by browneyedgirl36
    I see your point, but...there are a lot of people who DO associate missing/broken/otherwise "bad" teeth with drug use, being "low class," etc. I have heard/seen a lot of "hillbilly" and "meth head" jokes about people with less-than-perfect teeth, and I remember when my mom had lost a couple of teeth (and put off getting them fixed because of severe anxiety about having a major procedure), she NEVER smiled because she knew people would ask "What happened to your teeth?" and people actually did. I 've had students who dealt with this as well. I'm not generalizing that all Americans think this about teeth -- of course they don't -- but it's prevalent enough that a lot of people are very self-conscious about it.

    That said, I agree with you about the sister. Yikes. Reading stuff like this makes me very grateful for my sister!
    It is sad to think that people do make these types of judgements. No one knows what is happening in that individuals life. It must be very embarrassing and hurtful for anyone to be on the receiving end of this type of ignorance.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    It is sad to think that people do make these types of judgements. No one knows what is happening in that individuals life. It must be very embarrassing and hurtful for anyone to be on the receiving end of this type of ignorance.
    Yea... idk it might be a small town thing. We live in a city with a population of about 30k. And this town is about an hour away from a Major US city, but the small town mentality is strong here.

    I get a lot of judgments like this too and I have perfect teeth. But I have visible tattoos and my hair is usually a combo of un-natural colors (currently blue and green.) A lot of people assume I have a criminal record, that I'm uneducated, and that I do a lot of drugs. I worked for a non profit a while back. Occasionally we would have people there volunteering as part of their community service. A lot of people just assumed that about me. I also used to volunteer at an animal shelter and people assumed I was there as part of some court order, etc. I've had people come up to me on the street out of nowhere and just asked me to sell them drugs. I just have to laugh to myself. I worked with drug addicts for years. Most of them look like everyone else. I have a Fine Art degree. I own a business. I have no criminal record. And I could pass a piss test any day of the week. These kinds of assumptions used to really bother me. But not so much anymore. It's more about them than it is about me.

  10. #29
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    I hope it is negative and you feel better soon!

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Cynder
    Yea... idk it might be a small town thing. We live in a city with a population of about 30k. And this town is about an hour away from a Major US city, but the small town mentality is strong here.

    I get a lot of judgments like this too and I have perfect teeth. But I have visible tattoos and my hair is usually a combo of un-natural colors (currently blue and green.) A lot of people assume I have a criminal record, that I'm uneducated, and that I do a lot of drugs. I worked for a non profit a while back. Occasionally we would have people there volunteering as part of their community service. A lot of people just assumed that about me. I also used to volunteer at an animal shelter and people assumed I was there as part of some court order, etc. I've had people come up to me on the street out of nowhere and just asked me to sell them drugs. I just have to laugh to myself. I worked with drug addicts for years. Most of them look like everyone else. I have a Fine Art degree. I own a business. I have no criminal record. And I could pass a piss test any day of the week. These kinds of assumptions used to really bother me. But not so much anymore. It's more about them than it is about me.
    You are right. It is them. In my city, you would not get a second look. I love the diversity and the freedom for people to express themselves. One of the many reasons I moved here.

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