Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Worried about how my family will treat my girlfriend.

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,524

    Worried about how my family will treat my girlfriend.

    Disclaimer... my spell check add-on doesn't work on this forum and I'm about to leave for work so I don't have time to re-read everything. If there are mistakes, sorry.

    My birthday, my Mom's birthday, and my brother's birthday all fall within a week of each other. So my family usually gets together for dinner sometime that week to celebrate. Well, that get together is happening this weekend. My brother and my Mom have both met my girlfriend in passing. They haven't really hung out with her though, it was just a quick Hi nice to meet you kind of thing when they were at my house.

    Ok so last year my girlfriend had to have some teeth pulled. I don't have time to go into the exact reasons, but it wasn't because of drug use or bad hygiene. It's something she is really self-conscious about and she doesn't smile big because of it. She is saving up to have it corrected but that is really expensive. Sadly people in the US aren't very forgiving of any issue with someone's teeth. If someone doesn't have perfect teeth they are considered trashy, etc. Insurance rules everything when it comes to health care in this country and most insurance doesn't cover dentures, implants, etc because that's considered cosmetic. My Mom and my sister won't make any nasty comments to her face, but I'm sure they will make comments behind her back. I'm a business owner and I have an employee who is missing a tooth because of a calcium deficiency, and they have made nasty comments about my employee, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if they say something about my girlfriend.

    Part of me thinks as long as they don't say it to her face there's really nothing I can do, so why even worry about it? I just wish they weren't so judgmental about that kind of thing. No one is perfect. I also wonder if I should say something about it to them beforehand. Like, "Hey, I don't want to hear comments about her teeth. SHe's not a drug user and she takes care of herself. Lay off."

    And the other issue... my lesbian sister absolutely hates Bisexuals. This is something she's been really vocal about even directly to me. When I first came out she told me she hates people like me because we make "real gay people" look bad. She has also made comments about how people like me are disgusting because we are only gay when it's convenient to be gay. She doesn't seem to understand that it doesn't work that way. She hates that I'm with a woman. So I wonder how that's going to go, also.

    I'm not worried about my brother at all. He's the most chill person on the planet and he judges no one. My Mom and my sister can be pretty two-faced though. I know they won't say anything to her face. But I don't want to deal with the snarky comments later on to me about her either.

    Anyone have any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,606
    Gender
    Male
    Do you think they will be rude to her? How does she feel about going to this get together?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,524
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do you think they will be rude to her? How does she feel about going to this get together?
    I seriously doubt they will be rude to her. They will.most likely be rude to me later on about the two things I mentioned in my post.

    She is fine with it. She actually wants to get to know them better.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    54
    Posts
    38,219
    Gender
    Female
    I think the only thing you can do if they are rude to her is leave. Unfortunately ; we canít control the way people think.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,362
    I think there will always be people who make snarky comments and judgey comments. If they treat her politely that's all they are obligated to do. I would say nothing in advance or make a deal out of it. Show up. If any disrespect or rudeness is targeted to her - and I'd try to be sure not to be looking for it lest you misinterpret something harmless - then you cut the visit short with no drama. If you feel like it later on when you're calm explain calmly that you couldn't allow your SO to be subjected to rude comments.

    Also I'd avoid initiating any sensitive topics - religion, politics, sexual orientation, etc -you can only control you but if you do that you lessen the risk of things going awry. It's nice that she wants to attend.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cynder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    The Rocinante'
    Posts
    2,524
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I think the only thing you can do if they are rude to her is leave. Unfortunately ; we canít control the way people think.
    They won't be rude to her. I know how they operate. It will be me who has to deal with the negative comments and stuff later on in text messages and possibly on the phone. That's what I'm not looking forward to.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,606
    Gender
    Male
    Don't reward/respond to negativity.
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    It will be me who has to deal with the negative comments and stuff later on in text messages and possibly on the phone. That's what I'm not looking forward to.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,445
    Gender
    Female
    I'd explain to them why she won't be smiling big and that you appreciate, in advance, their acceptance of her predicament. Tell them you expect them to be pleasant and respectful to your gf, just as your gf will do the same with them.

    It will be me who has to deal with the negative comments and stuff later on in text messages and possibly on the phone. You teach people how to treat you. If you're on a call and someone is toxic, you tell them you're not having that discussion. Goodbye. If you get a toxic text, you can say something like: That hurts. I'm choosing to block you for the day since your behavior is mean and disrespectful.

    You take away your company temporarily, and call them out on their behavior. If they don't like those consequences, maybe they will change. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    US
    Age
    34
    Posts
    103
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cynder
    They won't be rude to her. I know how they operate. It will be me who has to deal with the negative comments and stuff later on in text messages and possibly on the phone. That's what I'm not looking forward to.
    Wow, it's unfortunate they don't support you. Why not tell them if they continue that behavior, you will block them and see if that helps?

    You shouldn't have to, "put up," with that... it's borderline harassment in a way, and you can shut it down by having a firm boundary that if they act like that afterwards, you will not put up with it anymore.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,552
    Leave any pre-event discussions about her teeth out. It's too anticipatory and anxious for people you don't appear to think highly of in the first place (I'm speaking about your family members). Telling them ahead of time as a warning isn't going to stop them from yapping behind your girlfriend's back.

    If you have a higher degree of respect for your family members and anticipate something like mild shock or sincere concern, I'd say it's a different matter and would approach those family members in a different way.

    From your account of things you barely see eye to eye with them.

    I can tell you're deeply anxious and that is fine. We are all more or less a little nervous sometimes bringing an S.O. to family gatherings, especially important ones so keep this in perspective if possible. Let your love and care for each other shine through in your interactions.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •