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Thread: I [26f] am unhappy in my relationship [28m] and don't know what to do

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If he knew what was on your mind right now, that the only thing preventing you from breaking up is because you'll break his heart, would you think he'd want to stay a couple? I know I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me out of pity.

    And you can't sacrifice your happiness because you'll hurt someone's feelings. People get broken up with all the time. Haven't you survived breakups?

    You're crushing on someone because you lack an emotional connection with your bf. Really common for that to happen in these circumstances. When you break up, don't date right away. You've been with him a long time, and you need time to mourn and heal. On again, off again relationships mean the relationship has never been the right one. Keep if off this time, forever.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You wrote that everyday you feel that you "don't really want to try". That's your answer and evidence that your relationship is dead. The break up is inevitable so he is going to be hurt no matter what. However, you do have control over how much. If you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to monkey branch to the other guy. That's going to hurt him 10 times worse and this IS going to be your fault because you see it coming and are CHOOSING to keep him in the dark. You have every right to break up with him. A man who resorts to drinking and gambling as a coping mechanism when the going gets tough is a glaring red flag. Breaking up with him is the correct choice and, imo, you should go ahead and never look back. However, using him as a stepping stone to the next guy because you are afraid to be alone/ take responsibility for your (lack of) feelings is a really selfish and shi+ty way to go about it. Breaking up right now is the honourable choice. Monkey-branching later to that new dude is an assclown's way out.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Crushes are fine. Whether you act on them or not is the where the rubber meets the road. I second Andrina's comment about not starting a new relationship so soon. You'll feel a little better later on and may see things clearer if you give yourself more time.

    If your parents are able to take you back, take the offer and move on from the relationship.

    Drinking and gambling can develop into addictions. You know your partner best and whether he has any history of addictions. I could not help my ex with his towards the end of our relationship.

    Weigh whether your health, happiness and safety is worth staying in this relationship in the long run.

    It may seem minor at this point and a matter of "feelings" or how unhappy or confused you are. Your feelings are always a first response to problems. Look at the situation as it is with all the pieces at play. I think if you decide whether to stay or go based on feelings, you'll regularly go back and forth and run the risk of perpetually being confused. Feelings fluctuate and it's especially a rollercoaster during a break up. Stick to your convictions, thoughts, ideas and what you want out of life.

    There may be some things you can't change about him and they were there long before you both met or they developed over time without you paying too much attention. Learn from the experience.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    So if you hadn't mentioned your crush my advice would be simple.

    If your feelings for him are such that you love him but are not In Love with him any longer then for both of your sake you should end the relationship in a loving and least hurtful way possible.

    BUT since you said you are thinking about someone else you need to think long and hard about your motives for finding things wrong in the relationship to give you an excuse to end it so you can test drive this new guy.

    I am not saying this crush is the reason you are reconsidering the relationship, I am just saying be brutally honest with yourself so you take a path paved with honesty because in the long run it is the healthy thing to do.

    There are thousands of posts that start off like yours and then part way through the OP mentions someone at work or the person at the coffee shop...

    If you decide to end it spend months figuring out what you want in and for your life before you start dating again.

    Lost

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I moved back in with my parents
    I would do this ^^^^. We never get any wasted time back to live over again. You're pretty clear that this isn't the guy you'll want to spend the rest of your life with, so what would be a good reason for staying with someone who doesn't even inspire you to want to try?

    Head high. We all learn by living. You've learned what it feels like when a relationship has run its course.

  7. 11-20-2020, 09:20 AM

  8. #16
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Sounds like your relationship has run it's course. Perhaps you need to move on.
    This post is on point.

    At 26 years of age, you are quite young. When you are 50, looking back you will consider your 20s/30s/40s your best years. There is no way a relationships should have you not able to get out of bed at age 26. When parents get ill, die, will this man be by your side supporting you through the rough times? Likely not. Get out and enjoy life, explore your new attraction and hopefully the feeling is mutual. And if he is not what appeals to you, look for someone new.

    Your 20s are a time to spread your wings and date to your heartís content.

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