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Thread: Me 21 and my GF 20 rough start in relationship

  1. #1

    Me 21 and my GF 20 rough start in relationship

    Background story:

    Me and my girlfriend met september 2019 at a party. We talked and so on. The next weeks we talked more and more on snapchat and hit it off. I said i liked her and she really liked me back, but everytime we were suppose to meet i didnt answer the phone and sometimes i didnt show up. I know it was really awful and mean and i regret it so much. She still liked me and i also liked her but she ended up blocking me a couple of times because of what i was doing. I totally understand that. I still wrote to her that i liked her and she really liked me to she said. Now its oktober and im out drinking and ends up sleeping with her coworker. 2 days later i asks if my now girlfriend wants to come over and sleep here. She says yes and she comes. We talk some more on snapchat the later days flirting etc. She wants to hang out some more but i really didnt want a relationship at this point because me and my ex broke up for some months ago and i just didnt want a new relationship at this point in life.

    Some more weeks go and i ask my now gf to meet me when we are out drinking and she asks if she can sleep over, i say no because i feel like its starting to become a relatinship than, and i say the reason is im not over my ex, but i just didnt want a new gf now. She becomes very very sad and blocks me etc, i understand that ofc. After some days she unblocks me and we start chatting again, i tell her i still like her ofc and she deeply likes me back. We talk back and forth, didnt meet in real life. Some weeks go by and im out drinking and I make out with a girl she knows, at this point me and my now gf were not talking for some days. Still no excuse but was not meant in any mean way, but i do regret it very much. This friend of her tells her and my now gf send me a massage the next morning; so this is what you are doing when your out drinking". I respond mean and says; i guess it is. move I know .

    a month go by without talking except when i said happy hollidays to her on xmas because i wanted to be nice. Its januar and i decicde that im ready for a relationship and i truly like this girl, she is perfect and i was stupid to not just grab her while i could at the start. I ask her out and she says yes. Im very happy. We start going out, meeting chatting and falling in love for the next week or 2, at this point i still got a pic of my ex girlfriend and me kissing on my IG, she comments it and makes singals for me to delete it, i dont pick them up becaue im stupid. But i end up deleting it after maybe 1 or 2 weeks , which ineeed is really bad. Some time go by and she starts brining up everything i did last year to her, every mean thing i did and eveyrtime i said i liked her but still treated her bad and never met her. She says this is bothering her very very much and she feels disgusted and sad. We both hope life will run its cours and time will heal it. Some more month go and its still a problem, we talk about it and try to figure ot what to do. We deeply love eachother and spend every day togheter, talking about the future and how perfect we are togheter. But the past is still bothering her and she says she cant live like this, and I understand her POV and i want to fix it, but i dont know what. Im treating her in the best way now and do verything for her, but she still feels like she wasnt picked by me and dont really feel comfortable that i treated her so bad in the begining, the pic about my ex, the coworker and so on. I totally understand, but we are truly in love and enjoy and we both think we are perfect togheter.

    She says she love me but cant live like this with this things bothering her. It comes up maybe 1 or 2 times a week and lately even more. We both know if we fix this we can live so good togehter and ahve such a nice life. But we need to fix this, she is sad and at the edge of leaving, but she cant because we are so in love and the best possible match ever. If it wasnt for the past.

    So im here begging for your help and advice on how to fix it, it would mean the world for both of us if someone could help us out in some way. Every tip and adcvice is deelpy appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out and thank you if you take your time to answer and help.

    We have been togheter for 10 montsh and the last thing we want is to break up, noone of us want that. We want a longterm solution.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    May 2016
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    Apologize, apologize, apologize. Then remind her over and over what she means to you and that you were a fool to behave the way you did, but that you love her very much and want to move forward from the past, with her.

    Ask her as well what you can do to make it right, ask her if it's possible to let the past go and admit to her that you made a huge mistake but will do whatever it takes to make it for it and for as long as it takes.

    But truth be told, it's her that now has to let the past go. I understand her feelings were hurt and to be fair, you were going back and forth and potentially hurting people in the process.

    You've been together for a while now, it's not fair for your girlfriend to keep bringing up the past either. At some point she's going to have to let it go if she wants a future with you.

    For now though, I would still advise that you apologize if she still needs to hear that, keep reminding her how much she means to you and keep moving forward together.
    On her end, I hope she will start to let things go from the past.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Mar 2019
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    4,552
    Relax. There is nothing more that you can do. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells and she shouldn't be depressed in the relationship. Time will tell whether you're both able to make new memories. Don't force anything and don't beg for someone to stay.

    I don't agree with the way she's reflecting and ruminating on the past. If she wants to be with you, she has to be with you for what the relationship is now. It's not very kind or mature of her to carry on a relationship with a man she neither likes or respects overall.

    And you need to stand up straighter and while it's fine to apologize for your mistakes, the apologies need to stop. Learn your mistakes but don't wallow in misery.

    Hope you both are able to work it out.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sep 2013
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    Long term solution is to ask her to communicate anything that bothers her...if she has a problem, come forward and you will discuss it with her and you will do the same. Explain to her that you are not a mind reader, and don't pick up on "hints". That's a poor way to get a point across. Tell her to be more open and direct.

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