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Thread: How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮

  1. #1
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    How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮

    Met this guy through OLD.
    Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he prefers me to call. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum.
    Last time we spoke six months ago now. He told me he feels like he's only an option to me. Im guessing its because of the on and off contact. He tried to cut if off a while back as he said he doesnt want to be a pen pal. I think he assumed things were never going to get off the ground as according to him im not doing enough to move things along. Then we started speaking again.

    What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that 🤔. In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes 😶.

    Any way neither of us contacted the other after that and six months went by. I would have met him then but it was difficult due to being in and out of lockdown. And i know i really should have mentioned that.

    And again we are in lockdown for another few weeks minimum. So i probably wont be able to meet him now.
    I had genuine interest in this guy..even though he assumed i saw him as an "option".

    I just wondered how i could reach out to him now and what to say. As he maybe extra skeptical. ( if he wants to even talk to me again).

    My guy " friend"who is extra negative. Keeps saying he doesnt care about you..hes probably forgotten you. Which i find odd in itself. As its not like he knows the guy. But yeah we had a huge argument over him making silly comments and now we've both blocked one another. I just said to him out of anger i hope me and that guy do end up speaking again so your plan wouldn't have worked to separate us. ( hes made negative comments for a year since i met the guy which only made the situation worse).

    Going back to the topic..how do i convince him im serious and am genuinely wanting to start again?
    In terrible at expressing myself..just need some tips. 😭😢

    P.s I've fd it up every time we spoke. He gave me chances...and even tried to get me to open up and express myself but i end up self sabotaging and then he gives up i guess. Its like a pattern. 🤔 for example he straight up asked me if i like him...if i want him..and i still couldnt give a straight answer. I think i said either maybe or sometimes. Not even a yes or no.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    You lost a friend over this?

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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    You lost a friend over this?
    I wouldnt even call him a friend.
    But yeah he blocked me first and i just followed suit.

    Ever since me.and the OLD guy started speaking..the "friend" has constantly criticised the guy..and said he's not all that..then when that doesnt work he will try to say he isnt into me he probably prefers other girls over me. I could go on but it just seemed like he was always extra rude about both of us

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A year ago, didn't he ask you out after a few weeks of chatting? If so, why didn't it happen?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nicole92
    I wouldnt even call him a friend.
    But yeah he blocked me first and i just followed suit.

    Ever since me.and the OLD guy started speaking..the "friend" has constantly criticised the guy..and said he's not all that..then when that doesnt work he will try to say he isnt into me he probably prefers other girls over me. I could go on but it just seemed like he was always extra rude about both of us
    Maybe this friend liked you?

    As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...

    What would I do? If a person, I met on line, but never met in person, faded away and then came back, out of the blue?

    I would blow that person off. I would think they are just desperate, having not met anyone. They weren't interested when they had the chance for some reason and they're just wasting my time and theirs.

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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    A year ago, didn't he ask you out after a few weeks of chatting? If so, why didn't it happen?
    We spoke and were getting on but i ended up blocking him for a few weeks 🙉🙈. Came back and he was very frosty. He mentioned meeting up a couple of times..he just kept assuming things and saying you're too scared to meet me etc etc. Like he was feeling me out i think to see how i respond to the idea of a meet up.
    He would call quite often but i hardly picked up..so i think he started assuming from then i wasnt that serious.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Maybe this friend liked you?

    As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...

    What would I do? If a person, I met on line, but never met in person, faded away and then came back, out of the blue?

    I would blow that person off. I would think they are just desperate, having not met anyone. They weren't interested when they had the chance for some reason and they're just wasting my time and theirs.
    I did think that about the friend
    .but he always kept saying he doesn't see me in that way ( even though i never asked) ... i was like ok then 🤔. He was just always contradicting himself.

    I can see why you would think that and i think I've thought the same of people who came back... but none of the assumptions about me ( if this guy thinks like that are true). Im someone whos readily matched on the app im on..i get on average 10 matches per day..everyday. so im definitely not short on people to get to know.

    Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him. But now i just think well he did ask to meet..and it didnt happen due to the pandemic situation..so its like unfinished business almost.

    This is why assumptions are dangerous. So if i were to reach out and he thought that of me. Then so be it i guess.

    Actually the last time we had a gap of no talking and i reached out he did ask did i meet someone else and then come back to him. .which is where the option thing came from. Where he said im behaving like hes an option. But again that assumption was far from reality

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him

    Feelings to develop on the phone or by texting? That's not going to happen.

    You like a guy's picture. Over a period of a few weeks through a few texts and a phone call or two, and you establish if a guy seems decent, if there are no red flags, and his personality seems pleasant. Then you go on a brief, lost cost/no cost meet up at that point and see if the chemistry is there on both sides, and if you're enjoying your time together.

    I did OLD for several years, and I remember some guy who never asked me out after chatting a bit which was fine. But then he called me about 8 months later like we'd talked yesterday. I was livid and never spoke to him again.

    Leave this poor guy alone. He's suffered enough of your wishy washy ways. You've already caused too much bitterness, I'm sure, for this to ever go anywhere.

    Read some articles on how to date wisely. Reality is when you meet and beyond. You can rule people out in cyberspace, but if you think you're developing feelings for someone you've never met, that's delusional.

    Learn your lesson from this fiasco and hopefully things will work out better with the next guy you hope to meet up with in the future.

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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him

    Feelings to develop on the phone or by texting? That's not going to happen.

    You like a guy's picture. Over a period of a few weeks through a few texts and a phone call or two, and you establish if a guy seems decent, if there are no red flags, and his personality seems pleasant. Then you go on a brief, lost cost/no cost meet up at that point and see if the chemistry is there on both sides, and if you're enjoying your time together.

    I did OLD for several years, and I remember some guy who never asked me out after chatting a bit which was fine. But then he called me about 8 months later like we'd talked yesterday. I was livid and never spoke to him again.

    Leave this poor guy alone. He's suffered enough of your wishy washy ways. You've already caused too much bitterness, I'm sure, for this to ever go anywhere.

    Read some articles on how to date wisely. Reality is when you meet and beyond. You can rule people out in cyberspace, but if you think you're developing feelings for someone you've never met, that's delusional.

    Learn your lesson from this fiasco and hopefully things will work out better with the next guy you hope to meet up with in the future.
    Ok you took the word feelings too literally 🤨. I meant it takes me time to like someone in the sense of seeing them as a potential. I reject people pretty quickly before talking to them..from simply reading their profiles.

    Yes i understand how to do it. Obviously this has been drawn out over a long period of time.

    Why be livid over your situation? You didnt reach out either right? 😂. Ive had plenty of people come back to me..and have not been mad about it. Mostly because i didnt invest much either so why be mad.

    Maybe he will be bitter deep down. But i want to explain myself at least or try to. I dont see the problem with that to be honest. And excuse me but did you miss that there has been a pandemic? That has been one of the reasons why i didnt meet him earlier. The only thing is i should have clarified that.. knowing him he assumed the worst as he had previously as in i see him as an option and drop and pick him up as i feel.

    Again you misunderstood what i meant by feelings. Nowhere did i say I'd developed feelings. Even if i had it wouldn't be normal for you to invalidate them.. plenty of people have had feelings for people who theyve not met before as strange as it may be..
    But as for me all i said was it takes time for me to like anyone so i don't know where you derived that from.

  11. #10
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    Eh, donít bother.

    Too much time has passed and the likelihood that heís still interested is basically nil. Reaching out now will make you look a little desperate.

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