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Thread: How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown.
    You chose not to meet him.
    Thatís fine. That was your choice.

    You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet?

    And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person?

    My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but thatís where your confidence ends.
    You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse.

    Perhaps itís time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite.
    Itís a false ego boost for the insecure. (You)
    And really itís not helping your self esteem at all.

    That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most.

    I suggest you leave him alone.
    I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

    IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

    Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

    Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown.
    You chose not to meet him.
    Thatís fine. That was your choice.

    You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet?

    And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person?

    My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but thatís where your confidence ends.
    You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse.

    Perhaps itís time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite.
    Itís a false ego boost for the insecure. (You)
    And really itís not helping your self esteem at all.

    That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most.

    I suggest you leave him alone.
    As explained in another post. You are right in what you said. Well partly.
    I get matches a lot of them waste time and talk rubbish or end up making sexual advances from the get go or are totally crazy and seem to have psychological issues. In addition to this out of hundreds of profiles i see and who like me.. i may end up matching and liking about maybe 6 out of the 100. Which greatly reduces chances of finding anyone. But this guy seemed to be somewhat normal..i say somewhat as hes also said some questionable things..and he was a serious person looking for a serious relationship.
    And that is why i am interested more than i normally would be.

    The supposed guy who is real in fact..we became friends. We did meet from the app ..initially he was a bit of a creep and threw himself at me. so i friendzoned him...and god knows why but we ended up talking as "friends". But yes MOST IMPORTANTLY I DID MEET HIM IN PERSON. And HAVE MET OTHERS IN PERSON.

    I didnt end up meeting this guy as he kept being overly suspicious of my motives and our interaction ended up being on and off. Also he would talk about meeting but he wanted me to prove i was real.

    The last time we spoke he actually asked me properly about meeting...but at the same time asking for a photo to prove again that i am the person in the first picture i sent.
    But me being me didnt send him a picture..and neither of us spoke of the meeting again..amd that was the end of it.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

    IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

    Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

    Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.
    Ohhhh..yeah that makes more sense as to why you were livid. Because he kept you hanging and didnt tell you he was dating someone else. Its funny you say that because this particular guy after some time apart the last time when i did contact him ..he again ASSUMED i had been seeing someone else and even asked if i had been and if thats the case to tell him. But actually i hadnt met anyone else. So he assumed i met someone else..when it didnt work out came back to him. But im not someone who is chasing anyone or relationships at the time i was busy going out with friends and doing my own thing. I know a lot of people all they seem to do is focus their whole life on meeting someone. Whereas I've been pretty comfortable being on my own a lot of the time..my friends on the other hand are constantly chasing men but for me its a pain in the a**.

    I didnt say i took meeting up that seriously though. I dunno maybe its coming across like that. He made it into such a big deal..being suspicious of me all the time and wanting proof i was who i said i was and whos pic he initally saw..and was always distrustful of me. This is what made it more difficult too.
    Ive met other people off apps before..and it wasnt this hard.. i just met them. 😂 and either we hit it off or we didnt.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

    IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

    Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

    Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.
    Yes i bailed after a couple/few weeks of talking right at the start. Because he was being overly cautious and suspicious even then 😐. I innocently said... call me _____ ( my nickname which i wont say here) my friends call me it. And he was rude in my opinion and said "i dont know you like that to call you this".. at the time i took offence and blocked him. And he proceeded to call me everyday after that for a whole week and messaged me on the app asking where id gone and why i blocked him.
    And when i thought ill unblock him a few weeks later. He was like you did whatever you wanted to do..when we discussed the disappearance.
    And asked me what i want from him. I think he was definitely a little frosty at that time.

    But then we got to talking again.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Nicole

    It seems like Regardless of our advice, you want to reach out. So with that in mind, if you are truly interested in this guy and trying to fix the past, I would go the honest route.

    Forget the "I get 10 matches a day" attitude and big explanations. Rather, keep it simple. explain that you regret not meeting and if he would like to, to pick a time and a place and you will be there. Or better yet offer two times and places you are available. And see what he says.

    I think like others have said, you're putting too much stock in people you have not met in person. Stop blocking and unblocking. If someone offends you so much that you block, stick to it. If you aren't willing to block permanently or you do it out of knee jerk reactions, then don't block, just pull back and let things ride...

    Being single means dating and talking to a lot of people and keeping your options open until you actually go on many dates with one person and then decide together to be exclusive.

    The way you're going about it is like spinning wheels in the mud. Lots of effort, no movement.

    Good luck! Wear a mask, be outside, keep social distance.... Its not impossible to meet during the pandemic. You just gotta be smart and safe.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Nicole

    It seems like Regardless of our advice, you want to reach out. So with that in mind, if you are truly interested in this guy and trying to fix the past, I would go the honest route.

    Forget the "I get 10 matches a day" attitude and big explanations. Rather, keep it simple. explain that you regret not meeting and if he would like to, to pick a time and a place and you will be there. Or better yet offer two times and places you are available. And see what he says.

    I think like others have said, you're putting too much stock in people you have not met in person. Stop blocking and unblocking. If someone offends you so much that you block, stick to it. If you aren't willing to block permanently or you do it out of knee jerk reactions, then don't block, just pull back and let things ride...

    Being single means dating and talking to a lot of people and keeping your options open until you actually go on many dates with one person and then decide together to be exclusive.

    The way you're going about it is like spinning wheels in the mud. Lots of effort, no movement.

    Good luck! Wear a mask, be outside, keep social distance.... Its not impossible to meet during the pandemic. You just gotta be smart and safe.
    Thanks thats all i wanted any way a bit of positivity. And a way to approach a very delicate situtation.
    But instead i got people insulting me and all other number of things. 😂😂
    Also the opinion he won't be very happy to hear from me and will see me in a negative light.
    I mean its not the most encouraging

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nicole92
    Thanks thats all i wanted any way a bit of positivity. And a way to approach a very delicate situtation.
    But instead i got people insulting me and all other number of things. 😂😂
    Also the opinion he won't be very happy to hear from me and will see me in a negative light.
    I mean its not the most encouraging
    Well... I think people mean well. Pointing out pitfalls, something many people need but maybe don't get from friends. You always gotta take anonymous forums with a grain of salt. I have been here looking for advice, too. And its hard to not keep defending yourself. But really, you can't really truly explain your situation. These people don't know you or the situation. Take what works and leave the rest. I really like the variety of perspectives. It can be a real eye opener to things I never even thought of.

    But back to your problem... If he is negative towards you, then you can let this scenario go for good. And be glad you didn't waste more time.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by nicole92
    Its all about taking a chance.
    So go ahead and contact him.

  10. #29
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    You say itís all about taking the chance .
    Ok go ahead and take it.
    But donít contact him unless you are actually going to MEET him within a week of contacting him IF he responds positively.

    You said that 6 months ago he kept wanting more and more from you as if that was a bad thing?
    The ďmoreĒ he wanted was a meet !?! Thatís the purpose of OLD not endless chit chat.

    So when you contact him, donít just initiate idle chat. Ask him if he is feee on x day to grab a coffee or whatever.

    And in future donít remain in contact with random guys you met online. You are there to find someone compatible to date. Not make fake friends.

    Be smart about dating.
    Good luck

  11. #30
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    All of this sounds so complicated. If youíre this hung up on him just contact him and ask if heís available for lunch on such and such day and follow through. If heís not, well so be it. How old are you?

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