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Thread: Is my situation hopeless?

  1. #1

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    Is my situation hopeless?

    Me and my ex broke up first in June and then got back together for a month and broke up again in July. I chased in the first breakup and we didn't really discuss the issues as to why she felt she needed to breakup so no suprise we broke up again. The reason we broke up turned out to be a misunderstanding but my post breakup behaviour the second time around has become the main focal point.

    I was very hurt the second time around as it came so soon after the first breakup. I was upset and insecure and went out and dated immediately and in a fit of anger told her about it. She was completely suprised by it and said she was sick to her stomach loving me and she hadn't even planned to date yet. That hurt her a lot and she quickly confirmed that she was happy with her decision and there was nothing more we had to discuss. From then on, things got really bad and she basically ignored me.

    I apologised for a good two months and sent her a nice card for her birthday with some flowers which she appreciated. She asked me to stop the contact for a while, infact she'd asked me a few times by then. In my desperation, I couldn't really listen and kept trying and sent her stuff back in October 10th (10 weeks post breakup) followed by some contact. She reached out to me then and told me to never contact her again and that I was harassing her. I backed off immediately after that and told her I was sorry and wasn't really thinking clearly and I'd never have in my right mind wanted to make anyone feel that way. She said I was a good boyfriend but the contact, begging, pleading had done irreversible damage and asked me not to wait for her. She was extremely angry!

    I didn't contact her since except for 2 weeks ago where I sent her a letter acknowledging I'd gone crazy for sure and that I took full responsibility for my actions and that I had no hard feelings against her and if she ever wanted to talk, I'd be happy to.

    TLDR First breakup, didn't react very well, is there a chance with my ex? It's been 4 since BU and 1 month 1 week of NC. I think she may have started dating. Thanks :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's about perception....put yourself in her shoes and see what she sees. There is way too much hurt there, the breakups, the poor communication, the not listening, the assertive behavior. This whole entire time you have only been thinking about yourself..that's why she is done. Learn to accept, respect her wishes and move on.

  3. #3

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    I agree to an extent. I think we both haven't been thinking about eachother, her breaking up twice caused a lot of hurt to me and poor communication made things worse. I wish she'd have communicated to me first before breaking up as the issue was a misunderstanding which we both acknowledge. I recognize I haven't thought about her during the breakup and I don't condone my behaviour either. I completely respect her decision and I am trying to move on but I'm wondering if there is a chance or it's hopeless.

  4. #4

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    To add I lost my dad a little over 1.5 years ago and the breakup was over his anniversary so it made everything a bit more worse. I think since he passed my reaction to loss has become more intense. I'm starting therapy next week to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss...I hope therapy helps you through your grief process. When you get through the grief, you will have a clearer picture and find some peace on your situation. As for her, no one can say, only time will tell. Sometimes it's better to accept and move forward which is what you struggle with with both her and your dad.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why did you both break up the first time? When someone is callous or lacks enough understanding and doesn't treat you with respect in working out issues first (and breaks up with you instead), this is your cue to walk right through the door and don't look back.

    One day you will find someone who is better able to work through misunderstandings or issues without these major ups and downs like breaking up and getting back together. Breaking up with someone is not a solution. The only thing it should solve is confirming with you that the relationship is over.

  8. #7

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    we went through covid quarantine together for 6 weeks, didn't really have sex over that time. I was ill for part of it, and other part I was just complacent, didn't really realise it was affecting her. She cried one day and packed up her things and left and two weeks later broke up with me the first time saying she wasn't happy.

  9. #8

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    The misunderstanding was that she thought it was because I was no longer attracted to her when infact it was a lull, I was ill and I was distracted/complacent. Covid didn't really provide the right mood either.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you mind me asking how old are both of you?

    She should have communicated better about how the relationship was affecting her. I'm surprised that she reacted this way over a matter of weeks in a 'lull'. Were there any other issues? I'm sorry for the loss of your dad also.

  11. #10

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    we are in our mid to late 20s. ye I wish she had. Well right before lockdown last year in september, I broke up with her as I was moving to Spain. I needed some time away to think through things as I hadn't had anytime to myself after dad passed. It was very mature breakup, we communicated it and we both agreed it was for the best. We kept in touch throughout and got back together when I returned from Spain 3 months later. But I think it broke her trust a bit and soon after we went straight into lockdown and living together when we were probably not yet ready to. That may have had a part to play in all of it.

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