Green Flags

We are always mentioning red flags and what to look out for when it comes to recognizing toxic behaviors or sketchy behaviors that might spell trouble down the road.

But we rarely mention green flags. Behaviors that are positive, and what we should try to look for in a potential partner.

Here are a few:

 

1.) Freely showing affection

 

2.) Taking a genuine interest in your interests.

 

3.) Offering and wanting sincere friendship along with romance.

 

4.) Positive support in all areas of your life.

 

5.) Willingness to share equally in the finances and is not stingy or greedy, nor expects you to endure all the bills/costs, but is fair.

 

6.) Shares on all levels and is open with you.

 

7.) Shows you their vulnerable side and opens up to you, can also admit when they are wrong.

 

8.) Is a good listener, pays attention and tries their best to understand your situation and feelings.

 

9.) Has a fun side and shows you that side often.

 

10.) You two relate and are compatible on many things.

 

11.) Genuinely enjoy one another's company.

 

12.) Having individual interests and supporting having your own interests.

 

13.) Supports personal growth and is not threatened by it.

 

14.) Accepts past without judgement.

 

15.) Not comparing you to others, ever.

 

16.) Respects privacy.

 

17.) Respects job or career.

 

18.) Respects children, elderly, animals, waiter/waitresses, people in less favorable situations than they are in. Is fair and kind.

 

19.) Knows that they are not the center of the universe.

 

20.) Maturity.

 

21.) Is completely honest at all times. Doesn't hide truths to save face or get out of being accountable. Tells it like it is.

 

22.) Reliable.

 

23.) Confidence in self

 

24.) Has control over anger. Fights fair, doesn't name call or threaten.

 

25.) Makes an effort to get to know your family and friends.

 

26.) Introduces you to their family and friends. Is proud to show you off.

 

27.) Respects individuality.

 

28.) Admits mistakes, tries to work towards fixing those mistakes and does actually make changes.

 

29.) Takes responsibility for their own needs.

 

30.) Is responsible in general.

 

31.) Has decent friends. Who they hang out with, reflects who they relate to.

 

32.) Shares household chores, helps out and offers help when they can.

 

33.) Enjoys time on their own.

 

34.) Willing to cope with ups and downs in a healthy manner.

 

Do you have any to add?

I would add

 

similar goals and shared goals for the relationship.

 

Equal effort over time.

 

Shared values.

Great list, thanks for posting this My husband has pretty much all of the qualities on the list.

Thanks for posting that wonderful list. I'd add: Taking care of you well when you're sick and coming to your aid without complaints such as when your car breaks down. Makes your life easier, which could be part of number 32.

Lovely list, Sherry.

 

I think I'd add "forgiving." Not in the sense that dealbreaker behavior is tolerated, of course, but in a more general way. Think it's between the lines in many of your points, but it's a concept I like a lot. Shows a certain bravery and humility.

Great list! I always liked when the person didn't categorize friendship and romance -meaning as if romance was negative or meant sex or "friendship first" as a way to avoid having sex too early- I preferred a more balanced attitude where friendship and romance were intertwined goals of dating. Not necessarily sex. For me personally green flags was a person who spoke positively about his friends and family - avoided stereotyping, showed in actions that he was a person of character and integrity and small kindesses.

Another green flag...not mentioning any exes, or if they were brought up, they didn't go on and on about them or bad mouthing them.

 

It should be more to the point, such as.."Stacey and I dated, but it didn't work out"..end of. If the person is waffling on and on about it, or goes into a long hate speech or speech about how upsetting it was,.... not a good sign at all.

 

We all have exes, but past is the past and should be left there.

Green or red flags, to me, are something that present earlier on. Many of what's listed, while important, are relationship-level qualities that may develop from initial green or red flags.

 

It's hard to see any real "green flags" early on because people are often on their best behavior so things like respect and politeness (which are things that are important to me) can be faked. This is why red flags are probably more important initially. Because nobody fakes those.

@ waffle, yes, unfortunately there are many who pretend to be someone they're not early on in relationships. It's always good for people to take their time, don't jump head first, be cautious and spend a lot of time with this person before you decide that you know them.

 

I personally feel that it would take at least 6 months of serious dating (in person) before you can decide for sure if this is someone who is compatible with you, or not.

 

Though, (imho) this list is a good guide on what works the best in relationships and hopefully it will help.

This list is spot on!

 

Another Green flag is that they accept you completely for who you are

Empathy. Also, for my husband, I observe how he treats others. He treats others with respect, common courtesy, common decency, integrity, morals, always been a classy gentleman and he also possesses an intelligent sense of humor which is a huge plus. I like people who make me chuckle and laugh. People never forget how you made them feel and if they can be witty, they're a winner in my book! However, he's not goofy. I don't like goofy people.

 

Being a great listener and shared values tops my list as well.

 

A huge green flag is humility. My husband is very humble and I admire humble people.

 

I prefer simple people. I don't like complicated, tricky, sneaky, manipulative, slick people. I like people who are the opposite of that which are green flags.

 

I'm very picky and being picky and choosy has always paid off in the long run.

These would be part of my list. Meaning low on neuroticism and high on conscientiousness and agreeableness.

 

Agree red flags are easier to rule out than composing a list of must-haves.

 

 

The big five personality traits

The theory identifies five factors:

 

openness to experience (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious)

conscientiousness (efficient/organized vs. extravagant/careless)

extraversion (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved)

agreeableness (friendly/compassionate vs. challenging/callous)

neuroticism (sensitive/nervous vs. resilient/confident)

Another HUGE green flag is "emotional intelligence." All relationships and friendships are doomed for failure without it.

1.) Freely showing affection

 

A big asterisk. It depends on what stage of the relationship this is and "the situation"

A guy who freely shows affection...at very inappropriate times (tongue kissing in front of Grandma), or is freely physically affectionate too soon - like on the first date -- those are red flags.

 

So yes, otherwise a green flag