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Thread: Pregnant GF broke up and wants space

  1. #1

    Pregnant GF broke up and wants space

    My GF told me she thought she was pregnant and was very excited. We talked about baby names and were happy. Next day breaks up with me. A week later the test came back positive and was taken back then broke up with again, this time asking for space.

    My problem is this, this could be hormones I donít know and thatís not what is important. Whatís important to me is how do I give the space (texting annoys the hell out her now), when I want to know if she needs anything or how sheís feeling or talk about this life changing event.

    We did not even fight. I just donít get this. I sent her flowers but cancelled them after someone advised me thatís not respecting space. I ordered prenatal subscription vitamins to her and cancelled that too after someone else told me again thatís not respecting her space.

    How do I reassure her Iím here and not pulling a Ross ďwe were on a breakĒ and wonít til the baby is born and I know for sure she wants nothing to do with me.

    She is giving me doctor dates even though she doesnít want me at the first visit. However if they show her the heartbeat I am going to ask that she FaceTime me so I can be part of that.

    Iím totally ok with coparenting, itís just not what I want or expected. We were not trying but we were not NOT trying not to get pregnant either. Had I expected this I would not have not even entertained the thought. We are both a bit older and this could be a last chance for both of us for a child.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How long have your been dating? How old is she? Who is she living with? Has she been to a doctor regarding prenatal care? You're Not her doctor, Do Not send her vitamins.

    You need to figure out the real reason this is on/off and she wants "space". Are either of you in other relationships/living with others?
    Originally Posted by HelpinTexas
    A week later the test came back positive and was taken back then broke up with again, this time asking for space.

    She is giving me doctor dates even though she doesnít want me at the first visit. We are both a bit older and this could be a last chance for both of us for a child.

  3. #3
    We only dated about 5 months. It was fast. Everything was. Sheís 39 and neither of us have been in another relationship in years. She has not been to her prenatal visit yet. Thatís in 2 weeks. There was no fight. I just want it to be where I can talk to her about the pregnancy and be to help emotionally, physically and financially. She has a girlfriend living with her now so Iím not needed for around the house help. The space happened just days after our excitement of the positive test.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Maybe she is ambivalent about being pregnant? For now it may be best to leave her alone to sort out how she feels. At 39 she's at a risky age to be pregnant, perhaps that is concerning her. She knows how to contact you so maybe give her space.

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  6. #5
    She was afraid after reading the risks of being her age. Iím giving the space. Thatís why my anxiety is through the roof. So many have told me this sounds like hormones mixed with alcohol and nicotine withdrawal. They say just donít relax and wait. Itís easier said than done. I truly believe she loves me she just canít stand me right now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Another idea to consider is that she's not really pregnant and mentally unbalanced. Just something to consider since you barely know her. It's a possibility. Alcohol withdrawal? So you thought it was a good idea to have unprotected sex with a woman who's an alcoholic? And she's afraid of being pregnant at her age, yet didn't use birth control? To be frank, you both sound emotionally immature, not considering the major results of your actions.

    Perhaps some lessons to use for future relationships of what not to do.

    In this case, I'd let her take the lead in contacting you and give equal effort but no more. If she actually is pregnant, let her know that you two will eventually have to communicate to organize custody arrangements. If you happen to find out she is drinking alcohol while pregnant, there are certain states that mandate rehab in these instances. I'd pursue that for the good of your child. If she's not pregnant, you've dodged a bullet and need to block and delete this unstable woman.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Tough situation.

    In your shoes, right now, what I'd do is try to find comfort in what you know is true for you: you want to be here for her. So the Zen approach is to do just that, even now. Doesn't mean sending flowers and so on, but just being you, open to her while she is closed to you. Not a sustainable state, but likely one you can sustain for a bit. (Parents have to do this a lot, so think of it as practice.) One key to sustaining it? Do everything you can, for yourself, to keep that anxiety in check without expecting her to be the salve. Great that your posting here and talking to friends. Stay healthy too: eat, exercise, read, whatever keeps you steady.

    Hormones, nicotine withdrawal, and so on: sure, all that might be at play. But I wouldn't try to diagnose it. Pregnant at 39, 5 months into a relationshipóthat's stuff that would throw most people for a serious loop, and everyone handles loops differently. Give her grace to be overwhelmed and try not to take all this too personally. This present state is not permanent. It's so hard not knowing what the next phase is, but trust that time has the answer to that, not you, not her.

  9. #8
    I joined an expectant fathers group on Facebook that Iím getting a tremendous amount of support from. Many are telling me their girlfriends or wives hated them for the first trimester at least too. But most are just preparing me for the the worst, which isnít even the worst. Itís not so much her I want back. It I get the child I never thought Iíd have out of this even just on weekends Iím ok with that. Child support isnít scary to me. Iím financially stable.

    And thank you for not judging. We spent a lot of time in 5 months together because of Covid. We had the discussions about how she wished she had one more kid before it was too late, and I ended a marriage from a wife who could not have children. So this makes me so happy regardless. I grew up with split parents and I turned out pretty Fkn good.

  10. #9
    Iíll find out for sure in 2 weeks.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's one thing to blame it on the hormones, but it's another to act this way when she found out she is expecting...big difference. It's not the hormones talkin. I would get a lawyer right now because I have a feeling she may terminate the pregnancy and then just tell you she miscarried. She just may not want this baby and is pointing to things like that article she read as looking for an excuse.

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