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Thread: Why am I keep on loosing interest after the first dates?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, screen that stuff out before agreeing to meet. Are these Tinderellas?
    Originally Posted by Togo
    For example if the date is a smoker, have plans to move to another country, or recently broke up and etc.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok, screen that stuff out before agreeing to meet. Are these Tinderellas?
    yeah man, old same Tinder. You got the point here. Maybe I should add this on my profile bio. Because I totally do not lack of matches these days. I don't know if it pandemic behavior, or I am just very lucky these days.

  3. #13
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    LOL I have no idea what a Tinderella is, but online "dating" by its very nature is contrived. Meaning that when you have the outcome already determined, and are simply trying to find someone to be what you want them to be, that's backwards and isn't conducing to finding anything more than a bunch of "one and dones". If that speaks success to you and you consider yourself "lucky" to be finding it, then I'm not sure what your actual question is.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Apparently this is what it is, Waffle. lol

    "Tinderella is largely an online phenomena. It can refer to any woman looking for love (think ďfairy-tale endingĒ) on Tinder or other online dating apps, women who are seen as a bit too eager for love online, or, more generally, to just how hard it is to actually meet someone on Tinder."

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  6. #15
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    Why are you feeling bad about not being interested though? I think that being attracted to someone and feeling that spark either is or isn't. You can't actually force it so you don't have to feel like you owe these women anything. Also what are you looking for? I stopped using Tinder quickly because I found that it was all about swiping on what someone looks like. Many people didn't even bother to write anything in their profile. If you want something more serious then I would recommend using apps where people actually fill out their profile and it's not all about looks. I've found OK Cupid and Hinge to be good and they're free. Or even websites that are paid where people are more serious.

  7. #16
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    I had a dating profile with positive statements except for one "no drug taking or excessive drinking." Otherwise I stated my list of what I did want -and it wasn't long. A number of men contacted me who didn't make the cut as far as my 'musts" so I didn't meet them. And I screened by phone -I was very good at that - and ended up finding out dealbreakers, including men who lied about their age/marital status/educational background. So I didn't meet them either. I agree with Catfeeder. Dating is hard but to me it's worth it if you're looking for forever.

  8. #17
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    I know when I get back into dating Iím going to be extra picky! I wonít settle just for the first guy who send me a smile on some dating platform. In my past I would have jumped at someone interested no matter who they were because I was afraid of being alone. Now Iím alone and feeling content. I want my forever and I wonít settle for less then what I deserve.

    I think youíre doing the right thing by dating and seeing who is out there. If you donít feel a connection why waste your and their time?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Togo
    That is a relief if it is true. Thanks.
    You're welcome. It might be helpful to use more of that screening in advance of meeting people.

    Otherwise, instead of investing in full dates, just set up quick coffee meets for a half hour or so on your way home from work or whatever. Agree that neither can corner the other on the spot to set up a 'real' date, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, if not, then no response is necessary.

    This avoids squirmy rejection stuff, and it spares you the time and cost of full dates.

    On quick meets, you can ask the right questions to shake out your dealbreakers: smoking, moving, rebounding, etc. And you can probably tell within 5 minutes whether someone might offer the kind of simpatico that motivates you to ask for a real date.

    Since most people are NOT our match, you can use quick meets to accept those natural odds without internalizing them, and it's rather liberating. You can enjoy a short time of learning and allow wrong matches to pass early.

    This needn't do something to your head. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

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