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Thread: Is this the final straw in the relationship

  1. #1

    Is this the final straw in the relationship

    So I have been in a relationship for the past 3 years now and it has always been hit or miss and our main issues come down to my boyfriend he has no communication skills what so ever ,no time management, listening skills aren't super great either, in the past 2 years since the birth of our child things have been getting worse he doesn't seem to prioritise me or his child, he doesn't help us financially, doesn't work , very rarely helps with house work and will only do any childcare related things when told to (just to name a few) I know he loves us both and is the funniest guy and when he actually tries and bothers is so great So a few weeks ago it got to the point I told him that he is on final chance and if he doesn't sort it out then as much as I don't want to it will be the end of our relationship

    So I would like to mention that I have a body positivity Instagram account as a plus size woman (this will be relevant) and pictures of boobs(censored) and belly are on it he knows and gave his full blessing for this I also have a only fans but this is only belly again and uncensored boobs nothing else again he knows and is fully aware of this

    Now he is bisexual and when we first got told I said if he wants to sleep with a man he could but he had to tell me if he was talking to a man and keep all lines of communication open about what is happening so tonight we were talking and I mentioned about my boobs and the fact he mentioned about doing a onlyfans for himself as a joke it was during this that I have found out that he has sent pictures of his penis to this Internet group chat that he is on I asked if they were old one (meaning those from before we were together) he said some were, I asked if any are from the last 3 years during the time that we have been together he said that there is. I asked if he was serious and he said that the chat he is in is mostly made up of males (like that makes any difference)

    I told him that its the fact he didn't tell me or communicate any of this to me I have always been open with anything I post as I never wanted and issues to arise from this He said its not like it was one person in particular and its not like he cheated and he claims he hasn't done this in a year Which I understand but its the fact he never told me and i feel like its a completely different scenario I have told him I want him to stay at his mums house tonight whist I decide if this is the final straw in this relationship Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
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    Why would you have a child with someone like this? What do you get out of this "relationship?"

    He does not love or respect you. You need to look at his actions. He is using you for financial support and as a personal maid . You are setting a terrible example for your child by being with a loser like this. UGH.

    Are you okay with him having sex with others? What does he do all day?

    I feel so sorry for your kid. You knew who this lazy loser was. I don't get it!

    I hope that you have been using condoms. Get tested for STIs!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 11-13-2020 at 06:52 PM.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Why isn't he working or contributing?

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why would you have a child with someone like this? What do you get out of this "relationship?"

    He does not love or respect you. You need to look at his actions. He is using you for financial support and as a personal maid . You are setting a terrible example for you child by being with a loser like this. UGH.

    Are you okay with him having sex with others? What does he do all day?

    I feel so sorry for your kid. You knew who this lazy loser was. I don't get it!


    I hope that you have been using condoms. Get tested for STIs!
    I second this post. What a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. I can't understand why you would even be with a guy like this. Do the right thing for your child. Set a good example. A child deserves a happy, healthy and stable environment. Right now, it's none of that.

    Ans yes, it should be the last straw!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Well, I'm not sure you have much to go on if you want to take the high road, OP. I understand you're hurt but really... Both of you seem to be pushing the boundaries. What's the point of being with a person who wants to be with other people sexually unless it's something you're into? There's no reason for him to be looking or participating on those websites. Onlyfans is an online money grab for people looking to sell images of their body, no? There's no reason for you to be there either. I think you have low self-esteem, unfortunately, and he wants to explore his sexuality.

    Have a heart to heart together but don't be surprised if he has something to say about your ongoings also. I agree both of you need to set a better example for your child. Hopefully he also gets his act together and helps provide for the family.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Well, I'm not sure you have much to go on if you want to take the high road, OP. I understand you're hurt but really... Both of you seem to be pushing the boundaries. What's the point of being with a person who wants to be with other people sexually unless it's something you're into? There's no reason for him to be looking or participating on those websites. Onlyfans is an online money grab for people looking to sell images of their body, no? There's no reason for you to be there either. I think you have low self-esteem, unfortunately, and he wants to explore his sexuality.

    Have a heart to heart together but don't be surprised if he has something to say about your ongoings also. I agree both of you need to set a better example for your child. Hopefully he also gets his act together and helps provide for the family.
    Rose, he has never done it. I think it is highly unlikely he will suddenly morph into a decent human being and provide and contribute. We should never expect people to change.

    She should have walked long ago. They are both setting a poor example as parents.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It still doesn't change the fact that she has low self-esteem. That issue will continue to attract the wrong types of partners, sadly.

    OP, I think you need to spend more time focusing on yourself, rebuilding your own self-image without the help of Onlyfans or other websites or social media, seek people who reaffirm your values and be with a partner who values all of you. If you've been too accepting, perhaps it comes with issues with your self-worth also. None of these patterns in dating or relationships are going to change until you're able to move past these blocks in how you view yourself.

    I don't agree with what your partner has done but there are gray areas in your relationship already.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You two are behaving like this, with a child in the background?!?

    As a mother, you need to put your clothes on, and stop this. You're a mom now, I doubt there's any kid in this world that wants his moms breasts all over the internet.

    As for this guy, whether he tells you about what he's doing, or not, both of you are just as bad as the other.

    You're parents now! Neither of you should be acting like this.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It still doesn't change the fact that she has low self-esteem. That issue will continue to attract the wrong types of partners, sadly.

    OP, I think you need to spend more time focusing on yourself, rebuilding your own self-image without the help of Onlyfans or other websites or social media, seek people who reaffirm your values and be with a partner who values all of you. If you've been too accepting, perhaps it comes with issues with your self-worth also. None of these patterns in dating or relationships are going to change until you're able to move past these blocks in how you view yourself.

    I don't agree with what your partner has done but there are gray areas in your relationship already.
    Anyone that would put up with behavior has major self esteem issues. Currently, she is supporting and cleaning up after two babies. I don't get it. I would rather be alone.

    OP, put your clothes on! Hw would feel if your child or parents saw this stuff?

  11. #10
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    In to counter balance the people saying you have to put your clothes on because youíre a mum. Mums still have a sexual side and there shouldnít be anything wrong with that. (Caveat, many people have not fully shaken off Puritan ideas around sex so brace for many to make the judgements those above have warned you of).

    Agreeing with the rest, the stand out troubles in the dynamic you describe are bad time management, bad communication, not pulling his weight. What does your ideal partnership look like? What are your deal breakers? Should poor communication be a deal breaker (I think yes personally for that makes it so much harder to work through stressful times together). I know itís flippant to say leave this guy but in all honesty, it might be time to dream that as an option.

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