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Thread: Sad, scared, depressed and need help thinking this through

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you. Your daughter is defensive because she feels guilty--and with good reason. A global pandemic is a pretty lousy time to expect a loved one to find a job AND a home.

    This is not her finest moment.

    Can you renew your lease on a month-to-month so you can learn whether a roommate situation might work out? If not, then you won't be locked into carrying the expense for a year?

  2. #12
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    I just had my resume done by a professional. I will look into temp work. Didnít think of that. Thank you!

  3. #13
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    We just signed a month to month lease so she can leave when she buys. Thankfully they didnít raise the rent like they usually do for month to month lease.

    Room mates scare me. I worry about living with strangers. Iím thinking about taking someone in temporarily to see how that feels. Once I get a job and my inheritance I will want to move and donít want to leave someone high and dry with this high rent.

  4. #14
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    My grandson is her son so he lives with her full time. She has had guys spend the night here as well when her son is at his dads. But I can see how that might feel awkward.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Janut.

    Re-reading your first post I don't think this was/is the issue:

    "I had no idea she wasn't happy here. She never told me she had any issues with me"

    She wasn't unhappy, but no doubt just wishes to move forward now in life. Granted, and I agree with the others, the timing is truly appalling.

    Anyhow, I take it she hasn't bought the house yet. It takes time to buy a house. Has she told you where the house is? Any other details? Is she purchasing with someone else?

    You may have to consider sharing the accommodation with another person. Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them. Naturally you would thoroughly screen any potential "sharers". However, all this won't be happening today or tomorrow.

    You remark:

    "I worry about living with strangers. Iím thinking about taking someone in temporarily to see how that feels"

    What exactly do you worry about, J? You wouldn't take on just everyone and anyone, but rather a recommendation and above all with references.

    Good luck with the job hunt.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Your friend that offered her sofa. Would they be willing to get a place together? Do you go to church or anywhere that has maybe a bulletin board or someway to find a roommate through a mutual connection?

    I would also get my name on that list for housing. Time passes either way. It might not be a short term fix, but rather a long term opportunity in the future.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Can't help but wonder what's suddenly on fire with your daughter in terms of not only seeking to leave so abruptly, but you actually not even being welcome to a couch. Did she get with some toxic man you don't know about who is driving this behind the scenes? It's very odd behavior.

    Telling you that she doesn't want to buy or live with you going forward is all normal. Most adults don't. What's weird is this rush. Leaving you in a lurch like this when in just a few months you can both get your own places and part ways comfortably. What's going to change for her if she waits a month or two? Very odd behavior on her end.

  9. #18
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    To answer your questions:

    She is looking in the same town. She put a offer in for a home and I haven't heard if it was accepted. Normally its a 30 day escrow to close then she can move.

    She is purchasing by herself, no other person is involved

    Yes, a stranger is a stranger until you get to know them. I worry because Ive had bad room mates and I don't want to be in a place like that again and have to kick them out. But I can ask for what I want. Older, quiet, no drugs, parties, etc. I am actually thinking that option through. The landlord would have to approve them as well.

    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Janut.

    Re-reading your first post I don't think this was/is the issue:

    "I had no idea she wasn't happy here. She never told me she had any issues with me"

    She wasn't unhappy, but no doubt just wishes to move forward now in life. Granted, and I agree with the others, the timing is truly appalling.

    Anyhow, I take it she hasn't bought the house yet. It takes time to buy a house. Has she told you where the house is? Any other details? Is she purchasing with someone else?

    You may have to consider sharing the accommodation with another person. Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them. Naturally you would thoroughly screen any potential "sharers". However, all this won't be happening today or tomorrow.

    You remark:

    "I worry about living with strangers. Iím thinking about taking someone in temporarily to see how that feels"

    What exactly do you worry about, J? You wouldn't take on just everyone and anyone, but rather a recommendation and above all with references.

    Good luck with the job hunt.

  10. #19
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    My friend has a nice apartment at a great rate in a high end location. She does not want to move and I dont blame her.

    I will get my name on that list - your right about that! I don't belong to a church right now, so thats not a option. There are places to post room rentals, so I will explore that after I have a move out date from her


    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Your friend that offered her sofa. Would they be willing to get a place together? Do you go to church or anywhere that has maybe a


    bulletin board or someway to find a roommate through a mutual connection?

    I would also get my name on that list for housing. Time passes either way. It might not be a short term fix, but rather a long term opportunity in the future.

  11. #20
    Gold Member janut1's Avatar
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    She started dating someone a year ago, but he lives with his parents as well LOL He is a nice guy and is not moving with her, She is not ready for that and I know because she has told me time and time again. She likes her space. They have no place to be alone and I think that is bothering her.

    I told her that I would love it if she waited until after the new year, but she has her mind set.

    I'm actually happy for her that she can actually buy a home on her own. Its a great stepping stone for someone her age.

    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Can't help but wonder what's suddenly on fire with your daughter in terms of not only seeking to leave so abruptly, but you actually not even being welcome to a couch. Did she get with some toxic man you don't know about who is driving this behind the scenes? It's very odd behavior.

    Telling you that she doesn't want to buy or live with you going forward is all normal. Most adults don't. What's weird is this rush. Leaving you in a lurch like this when in just a few months you can both get your own places and part ways comfortably. What's going to change for her if she waits a month or two? Very odd behavior on her end.

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