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Thread: Cohabitating please help

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    And he is married now. When will his divorce be final? That's far more important than whether she lets him have full title to the home.
    Ok can you tell me why? Legally he canít file for divorce for 12 months. He was separated for 5 months but living under the one roof until she could move into the investment property. She is keeping the investment and he is keeping the other house they lived in. Itís JUST over 12 months. The divorce papers havenít been submitted I donít want to be a cold btch and pressure him Iím prepared to let the dust settle for another couple of months as long as heís 100% sure itís what heís doing Iím fine with it. Iím guessing you could be getting at that the change of ownership and her removed off the title is irrelevant and she can still claim half because they are legally married???

  2. #12

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    Iím not really understanding, he wants me to move in does that mean I become completely submissive? I thought I could have a say in this? Put it this way if I wanted him to move in to my place Iíd be asking what he would like to make it more his home to balance things out

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Why would that balance things out? Why not get a new place together? That would level the playing field.

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Why would that balance things out? Why not get a new place together? That would level the playing field.
    It certainly would! But itís just a house, it can be renovated and things replaced. I donít know how to go about it given all these answers I feel like I donít have a right to wouldnít any of that bother you? Iíve seen posts where a lot of people canít move into the ex wife home or the very least want to redecorate what would you do if you met someone that lived in the marital home and asked you to move in?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You have never been through a reno with a SO before have you? It's a living hell. Don't go there.

    Me I would never touch a recently divorced man with a 10 foot pole nor would I ever more into his home..

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Kellyabx
    It certainly would! But itís just a house, it can be renovated and things replaced. I donít know how to go about it given all these answers I feel like I donít have a right to wouldnít any of that bother you? Iíve seen posts where a lot of people canít move into the ex wife home or the very least want to redecorate what would you do if you met someone that lived in the marital home and asked you to move in?
    "just a house?" Its his marital home and HIS house. There is no guarantee he will allow a live in girlfriend to come in and renovate and redecorate as she sees fit.

    What would I do? I would distance myself just a little and once he was legally divorced, only DATE -- once he is actually divorced, things may change. He may grieve the finality of the end of the marriage. There could be emotional unfinished business. He could decide that he wants some space to get reacquainted with his male buddies. He also may not want another commitment so soon - if you think you will move in as future wife -- he may not see it that way.

    His family and friends might treat you very negatively because you were willing to swoop in before the ink is dry.
    Live separately and keep your standards high. Decorate your own place. See how he is as a boyfriend for 6 months, a year.

    Right now he wants you to move in because he is lonely by himself in the house, might be used to a woman cleaning and cooking, wants the convenience of sex close by.

    Make him work for it!

    Don't jump!

    Trust me. he could be a different guy

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Having been married and divorced and marrying a divorced man, I'll just speak from experience. Don't move in just yet and don't treat living together as an ultimatum of whether the relationship works or not. If you're so frustrated that you're using the move in issue as a litmus test for whether you should stay or go or how well you plan dog grooming, this relationship is already on its last legs. It's splitting hairs at this point regarding title and final divorce papers issued by court.

    The main issue you outlined in your initial post is that you have a problem with hygiene and living conditions. He's a slob. You won't take kindly to this, I'm sure, as none of us would if we had another person tell us that of our partner but you'll have to reconcile that fact with living together. I can tell you're at your wits end and quite disgusted overall. You're looking for a different kind of man and realizing that he's not the one, still desperately trying to make it work because if you can prove together that a few hangings suit your taste, maybe the smelly dogs and stained furniture won't matter so much.

    The problem is your partner living the way he chooses to live and you're not happy with him. Why would you want to move in with someone you can't even stand?

  9. #18
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    The dogs are sniffing around for food all the time, we eat in the lounge room and they come up close to you and stare one of them so close you have to protect your plate. Iím going to start eating alone in the kitchen. He lets them on the couch pats and scratches them and these dogs smell rotten and the house stinks!! One sleeps in our room but pees inside on walls because he needs to go out in the middle of the night and heís not heard. Their beds are filthy.
    This is just beyond disgusting and if ever there was a deal breaker, I would say it's this (for me, anyway). It also tells me a lot about the man himself too. There is no way I would ever be able to live with this. Ever. I would head for the hills so fast you wouldn't see me for dust. Ugh.

    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Incompatibility.....need I say more? You can't come between a pet and it's owner. Like kids, if your rules don't match theirs there will be conflict.....it's his house, like he's going to change his habits for you. This is an opportune time to reassess your relationship if you want to move forward or not.
    I second this post in it's entirety. OP, you really need to go back and re-read your own post. Really absorb it. Print it out and stick it on your fridge and on your mirror. Really take in every word you wrote. Read it many times a day. Every day. If you don't see the writing on the wall and what a bad match you two are, then all I can say is that you are in for a very long, bad bad bad ride. This all just screams incompatibility and it would be wise to open your eyes now. Whatever you do, do NOT move in with this guy!!

    Also, be aware that you're possibly a rebound. This guy isn't even divorced yet and already monkey branching to the next woman. What he really should be doing is taking at least a year time out before launching into another relationship. This has red flags all over the place. You really need to step back a bit and take some time to re-think this relationship (imo).

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Kellyabx
    Ok can you tell me why? Legally he canít file for divorce for 12 months. He was separated for 5 months but living under the one roof until she could move into the investment property. She is keeping the investment and he is keeping the other house they lived in. Itís JUST over 12 months. The divorce papers havenít been submitted I donít want to be a cold btch and pressure him Iím prepared to let the dust settle for another couple of months as long as heís 100% sure itís what heís doing Iím fine with it. Iím guessing you could be getting at that the change of ownership and her removed off the title is irrelevant and she can still claim half because they are legally married???
    So she moved out recently.
    He was living with her until recently.
    How long have you been dating?
    Can't be long enough to consider moving in

  11. #20

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    Most of you are screaming out Ďmarried maní I understand but this isnít my issue, the divorce will come and he is constantly moving forward with finalising things. compatibility- yes Iíll agree. A few have said about the dogs that itís disgusting and yes it is I hate it when they roll on their backs and rub into the rugs or drag their snouts across the carpet. Other than all this he is really good to me and 100% wants a future with me. He told me before we got together he was getting a divorce but wants to be happy he will be actively finding someone he wants a relationship and common interests ( we have like traveling, camping etc) I donít want to feel like an intruder or a guest if he wants me to move in I want to blend, is this all worth throwing away because he hasnít reached the divorce destination and been alone for x amount of time? People and relationships seem so disposable these days itís sad. But if youíre all seeing red flags here and a predictable failed future then maybe I need to listen and reconsider, weíve been locked down during covid and now we can get out he wants me to meet his parents :/

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