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Thread: Should I stay or should I go? He cannot get his life together

  1. #11
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cheetah13
    I don't think I can put up with him for another month and a half until our original move back date. I realize this would be somewhat screwing him over, but I feel justified because I went in debt to keep this relationship alive and have been paying for everything lately.[/B] I think I just love the idea of him, but I am no longer in love with him. However he is essentially a "loser" and I don't know if he will ever get his life on track.
    You don't keep a relationship alive with money. Relationship survives because of love, mutual respect and patience.

    Also if his license was suspended because no auto insurance, how come you both can't put your heads together and try to get insurance and get his license reinstated with proof of insurance? Or again, is it too much of a financial burden on you?

    Just want to add my experience, my husband moved to be with me (met online) and I advised him to stop working in dead end jobs so he can focus on school and get a career. I supported us for a time (not sure how long probably 6 months) until he was able to get an apprenticeship. During these times, it was tough but it's the patience. If you love someone, and you both are proactively working towards a common goal(s), it can work out. Also my husband has a misdemeanor on his record and that has prevented him getting some opportunities but that didn't stop him from applying again or applying at other places. OP, you've even said your guy is destined to retail/warehouse jobs, so that means he can get a job. These jobs might be dead-end jobs but to some people, they love it or they've found a niche in these sectors. Your guy might still be looking for that niche.

    I think if you care about him, I would recommend you try to show him some emotional support until you leave. He might respond back in kind. Going back home to live with mommy and daddy isn't the highlight of anyone's life.

  2. #12
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    What exactly do you have in common?

    Do you also steal? Get your license suspended? Laze around?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    You should definitely go. Now is the perfect time.

  4. #14
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    Honestly, I would stop telling him he can't get a job out there and encourage him to take his clothing etc, and move to his parents house ahead of you.

    Then you can decide to stay where you are with your job, but just sell some furniture and move into a much smaller apartment that is just the right size for one. You are paying the rent anyhow, would paying less help?

  5.  

  6. #15
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    BTW, just because someone didn't go to college doesn't mean they have no future. Plenty of non graduates own businesses, work their way up at their jobs, etc. What he lacks is motivation and character.
    A

  7. #16
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    Have you been supporting him for 4 years?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What exactly makes you and him similar? He is a user, you are a giver. You went to college and worked your behind off to graduate, he is happy coasting by with nothing much. You are law abiding, he is a thief and an ex con with a record. You have a job, he doesn't bother. You are nothing alike. In fact, you are polar opposites when it comes to important fundamental life things.

    Relationships are not about hobbies or same tasted in movies or music, OP. You are learning this the hard way. You are correct that you've invested not in the guy in front of you but rather in the fantasy of who you want him to be. Your fantasy is never going to turn into a reality with this guy. It's been 4 years - you get what you see and nothing else. Just an unemployed user and a loser with a record.

    Please get out and yes, do be careful on how you go about it. People like that do not like to see their meal ticket walk out the door. Expect drama in either begging and rosy promises of everything you want or threats....or both.

    Before you date again, be sure that you think long and hard about some lessons to take away from this experience. Like don't invest in potential and don't act like a wife to a bf while you put yourself in debt supporting a leach.
    Cheetah,

    Read this, over and over.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Staying with someone out of guilt does him no favors. You've tricked yourself into believing that he "can't" find work, but for accuracy, change that word to "won't".

    You'd be surprised how quickly a grown adult can learn to survive when left to their own devices.

    If he wants to remain a dependant, let his parents handle it.

    Don't you deserve better?

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