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Thread: I feel like a total a hole and crazy.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not important,lol. The edit window is 30 min, so forget about it. If posters wish to reply, they can hit "reply with quote" and break it into paragraphs themselves.
    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    I would if I was writing a college paper but I'm just asking for advice. I didn't think it was that serious?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    I would if I was writing a college paper but I'm just asking for advice. I didn't think it was that serious?
    When you post a wall of text it is hard to read for some of us. You get more replies if you break it into paragraphs.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Celia. It makes it a lot easier to read when in paragraphs, particularly when you are asking posters to give you advice and respond to your concerns.

    This is quite uncalled for:

    "I would if I was writing a college paper but I'm just asking for advice. I didn't think it was that serious?
    I agree. You want to ask something, make it easier for potential respondents to reply.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    I'm in a relationship with someone who is almost my equal.
    I think this says it all.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I understand what you're saying. Some things I would explore... 1) The idea that you are responsible for another adult's happiness (your partner currently) and 2) the idea of being alone. I think they're related in your situation but they're separate issues.

    Feeling comfortable with yourself will usually lead to the conviction that you are not responsible for anyone's successes or failures. It's not about being unkind or harsh or an a hole. It's about being all right with yourself and whatever your decisions may be. Your child may be your priority but if you are making decisions that override your happiness, this also means that your child has a mother who isn't right with herself. You're shooting yourself in the foot trying to move to the next chapter.

    Thinking about others while in a relationship in passing, the occasional daydream or banner thought process is ok. Being so distracted that you can't function in the relationship or are reconsidering your future with this person isn't. Maybe deep down you know that your current partner provides the emotional stability for your family but he lacks also in other areas. You haven't reconciled that yet. Remember that total package I was talking about? Every one of us is a work in progress so there's only perfection in someone where we want to see it. You don't see it in either man though - that part is evident from your words or reactions to both of them.

    Follow your gut instincts.
    Thank you for that, I really appreciate it. My gut instincts for months has been telling me that I need to be alone and work on myself in order to be fully committed to my child, my self and life goals. I think about guy #2 a lot because he also would encourage me to become independent and I think it was nice to have someone who would push me to focus on that. But I know I really should be doing that for myself. I do not want to go back with guy #2 although we had a great connection. I feel like if I end it with my boyfriend now, I know I do not want to ruin the time I'm alone to be in a relationship that I may not be ready for. My family really pressures me to make it work with my boyfriend because he really is a great guy, and part of me is like if I don't make it work will I be making a mistake? Even though I know I need time to be myself, be alone, have friends, take care of my life a bit better to set myself and my child up in the future.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's not important,lol. The edit window is 30 min, so forget about it. If posters wish to reply, they can hit "reply with quote" and break it into paragraphs themselves.
    Thank you for clarifying, I was confused on why it was becoming an issue? A couple of users are upset about it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    Thank you for that, I really appreciate it. My gut instincts for months has been telling me that I need to be alone and work on myself in order to be fully committed to my child, my self and life goals. I think about guy #2 a lot because he also would encourage me to become independent and I think it was nice to have someone who would push me to focus on that. But I know I really should be doing that for myself. I do not want to go back with guy #2 although we had a great connection. I feel like if I end it with my boyfriend now, I know I do not want to ruin the time I'm alone to be in a relationship that I may not be ready for. My family really pressures me to make it work with my boyfriend because he really is a great guy, and part of me is like if I don't make it work will I be making a mistake? Even though I know I need time to be myself, be alone, have friends, take care of my life a bit better to set myself and my child up in the future.
    The idea of a successful single woman or single mother is still a foreign thought in many peoples' minds. It's up to you what you wish for yourself and how you see yourself now or in the long term. Some things I remind myself of on days when I'm not so clear:

    -I create my own happiness.
    -Some beliefs and goals precede the relationships I have with others.
    -Existing commitments are important. If not, rethink them or reorganize.
    -Be willing to explore new opportunities or ways of thinking.

    You don't have to explain yourself to everyone. I hope you do what's right for you.

  9. #18
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    You may be not ready to commit to anyone, hence why you choose emotional unavailable men or someone you cannot be emotional available with. You are using the 6 months guy as a way to escape, but it's not about him. You just don't wanna be with guy number 2. But you really really need to figure out why. What about him or you as a couple is not working for you? In simple terms, would the love of your life be asking you to be an FWB? Nope.

    You say #2 is your perfect match. Is there something about you you don't like that you see in him?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    Thank you for clarifying, I was confused on why it was becoming an issue? A couple of users are upset about it.
    You will get more reads - and thus more feedback - if you make it reader-friendly. This is especially true for folks with poorer vision or reading from a smaller screen on a phone. It's simple forum etiquette for the writer to use paragraphs. You'll notice that most do so.

    Anyway, I agree with the others that it might be best to just be single for a while. The current guy doesn't appear to be what you are looking for, and the other guy isn't really it either. Your best bet is probably to take some time to yourself and then start fresh with someone else altogether.

  11. #20
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by celiamarie
    I would if I was writing a college paper but I'm just asking for advice. I didn't think it was that serious?
    ENA Forum Rules. - Rule # 6: ........."Please post in letter style. Use paragraphs, punctuation, and capital letters appropriately. Netspeak and shortcutting (b4, str8, etc) are difficult to read and not permitted in posts."

    Thanks.

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