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Thread: Need help with a friendship/relationship not sure what it is tbh

  1. #1

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    Need help with a friendship/relationship not sure what it is tbh

    I met a friend though xbox over 8 years ago, me and her have been talking every since, i decided to meet up with her finally after 8 years and we hit it off, we had so much more in common than i thought. I didnt try anything on with her when was there, because i actually just enjoyed her company, done a lot of nice things though looking back at it and even paid for dinner, but came home and got so confused.

    May of over thought things i really dont know, but obviously something changed, because before i was there we were talking daily, she would send me pics and videos daily of her, inc one that threw me of her in bed waking up where you could clearly see she was topless but didnt show anything.

    Then when i was there bearing in mind 1st time we met, she got changed in front of me, said sorry for flashing me at a different albeit i wasnt actually paying attention. Even took my photo without me knowing which was odd as she knows i dont like my photo taken

    After i come back the texts kept coming but pics and videos stopped. Because were in lockdown i asked her if she wanted to come to a hotel with me not stay just come over and walk the grounds with her dog as it had lovely scenery and then i would drop her off and go back and stay there as i had a business meeting close by the following day. She then asked to stay which threw me completely considering we had only ever talked about being friends nothing more.

    Next day came she changed her mind, we ended up arguing and tbh i cant remember what it was about, i told her i wanted to come and see her so we can actually talk this all out to which i got the reply please dont.

    I deleted snapchat after that, she blocked me on facebook, still friends on xbox though so i thought give it one more chance. Sent her a message a day later on whataspp thinking she would of blocked me on that too and to my suprise i got a reply. Things were amicable and then she tried to push me away and then blocked me before i could send the final message. After a day of me talking with friends i noticed i was unblocked again and the convo had been read

    Now she does suffer a lot with anxiety, doesnt have a lot of good people around her. I cant keep going round in circles and i find texts to be the least form of communcation because you can hide behind it.

    Im at a loss to do because we both talked a lot over the years, both i and her know a lot about each other. I was the 2nd guy she allowed over to her house which she seemed to want to tell me. I dont want to just ignore her and kinda wanna actually sit down and talk. So my question is would you drive all the way up there and then try to speak to her or would you just let it go

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by leej02
    So my question is would you drive all the way up there and then try to speak to her or would you just let it go
    Nope, not a chance.

    She is showing you that she doesn't want the same things you do from this. My honest guess is that she is seeing someone else but doesn't want to cut you off completely in case it doesn't work out and she wants your attention again.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you'll have to step back, reflect and let it go. Something happened in person that, in her mind, didn't work for her.

    You also need to question the judgement of someone who "flashes" every random guy on the internet.
    Originally Posted by leej02
    I met a friend though xbox over 8 years ago

    i decided to meet up with her finally after 8 years and we hit it off

    I didnt try anything on with her when was there, because i actually just enjoyed her company, done a lot of nice things though looking back at it and even paid for dinner, but came home and got so confused.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Now she does suffer a lot with anxiety, doesnt have a lot of good people around her. Train wreck stuff, and the brief encounters already showed this is the case.

    Besides the Xbox, do you have hobbies where you interact with others in 3D? If not, when a vaccine for COVID becomes available, I'd suggest joining Meetup.com to meet potential dates. Many localities have singles groups within a particular age range where people meet up for fun activities. Less stressful than online dating. I suggest you work on your self esteem first, since it's probably lacking. Otherwise, you would want to be avoiding her like the plague after what you witnessed. You will repeat the pattern of accepting subpar people if you think that's all you're worthy of. Good luck.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Nope absolutely do not drive to her and demand some face to face talk. Deal with reality. While you got along great as chat buddies online, meeting up in real life didn't actually work out for you. Whatever needs to be there, isn't quite there or quite right.

    You can let things cool down and carry on via xbox, but don't try to turn this into a real life relationship anymore. You tried, it didn't work. It's done. It's pretty common for people to click online but then not get along well in real life.

  7. #6

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    but thats the actual issue, we did click when we met, we actually realised how many things we actually had in common, not just gaming, we spoke to hours, went out to a decent restaurant, and i even stayed the 1st night not in the same bed and we went out the 2nd day all day too, had a really good time, but things only fell apart when i came back home, as i said we ended up arguing over something silly, i honestly couldnt tell you how it started or what it was about, she does have baggage and issues, but nothing that cant be dealt with but i hate just texting it does no one any good, even though we said we would leave each other be, 2 days later texting again, see the issue

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Were you in a relationship recently or just broke up? For your peace of mind, I'd let this one go.

    Try not to worry too much over this. Don't text this person anymore. I think knowing her is preventing you from finding a more fulfilling relationship. It doesn't feel good but you deserve to free up your life and time for someone who has more to offer.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leej02
    but thats the actual issue, we did click when we met, we actually realised how many things we actually had in common, not just gaming, we spoke to hours, went out to a decent restaurant, and i even stayed the 1st night not in the same bed and we went out the 2nd day all day too, had a really good time, but things only fell apart when i came back home, as i said we ended up arguing over something silly, i honestly couldnt tell you how it started or what it was about, she does have baggage and issues, but nothing that cant be dealt with but i hate just texting it does no one any good, even though we said we would leave each other be, 2 days later texting again, see the issue
    Yes two people can have very different experiences and thoughts about things. You thought it went well....and yet immediately after - major drama. She is playing passive aggressive games you can't fix that. Basically, you can't fix what the other person has no desire to fix, not to mention instigates. You can't force her to communicate if she doesn't want to. Whatever her baggage, you can't fix that. Only she can and only IF she wants to. Nothing to do with you. What you need to understand is that people are not fixer upper projects. If you want a happy relationship, find a girl who has her baggage resolved and is happy to communicate, be with you, etc. With the right one, you will never be confused about where you stand. In short, aim higher and better than a mess.

    You really really need to back way off. Write her off as any real life/relationship potential. After you've cooled off and distanced yourself properly, then you can maybe go back to just being virtual pals....although.... I kind of suspect same as Rose that this might get in the way of any real life relationship with someone else. Not to many women will tolerate a guy yapping away with some chick online for hours.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by leej02
    she does have baggage and issues, but nothing that cant be dealt with but i hate just texting it does no one any good, even though we said we would leave each other be, 2 days later texting again, see the issue
    Eh, if she were as interested as you, you wouldn't be trying to convince her to meet and talk about this. She'd be game because she would want to put things back together again too.

    But she's not. Let her lack of desire to do so be your cue that you're barking up the wrong tree with her. She's not into this as much as you are any longer.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How do you believe she'd behave if she wanted to see you again?

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