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Thread: Masks and a Wedding

  1. #1
    Member MsCodeMonkey's Avatar
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    Masks and a Wedding

    My fiance and I got engaged in February of last year before lockdowns after five years together. We had set the date to March of 2021, and I honestly thought things would be so much better by now. I thought I'd be able to have a normal wedding. Well, my town in Texas has rapidly climbed in hospitalization rate up to 31% and so many people either refuse to wear masks entirely or wear them really improperly. In September, my fiance and I and my mom and dad caught covid. He ended up taking a turn for the worse, and he was in the ICU for 7 days and in the hospital a total of 10. Thankfully, he pulled through. I had planned on a wedding of like 150 people, and the more I thought about it the more I knew things weren't going to be better to that degree in march, so I moved the reception to 2022. However, I thought I'd still get married on the same day and just have a small thing with his family and my family. Even that is proving to be a source of great worry for me. Ky thinks that if we ask that everyone will wear masks and wear them properly over their nose and mouth. Sure his strongly left leaning democratic family will. Mine on the other hand...Maybe they will for us, but I feel like if they wear them it won't be properly. The last thing I want is my fiance fighting with my family at my wedding.

    I had a fight with my sister today about masks. Through all of this, I've hung out with my friends pretty much entirely remotely. I, however, made an exception for one of my sisters and her family and my mom. We don't wear masks around each other, but we do wear masks in public. However, my sister keeps wearing this yellow mask that doesn't cover her nose and basically gaps open when she speaks. I've been trying to hold my tongue, but I know I kept letting it slip that it should really be tight against her nose. I would normally never police with someone wears, but wearing it like is basically not wearing it at all. So she basically got mad at me for being passive aggressive and policing how others are following the mandate and said it did cover her nose(ya loosely when she doesn't move her face at all). And I told her I knew she was so smart and that she cared about people, so she should be wearing it properly. Eventually she said if I got her one she would wear it when she was with me. So I handed her the extra one in my bag. Not really a successful end to the conflict, but we both just ended the discussion. Last time I went out with my mom she insisted on wearing hers under her nose even though she's a nurse....

    And I would just let it slide especially as all of us have had covid fairly recently, but I know if my fiance sees it he's going to resent it, and it's going to be an issue at our wedding. Even worse are my ex-step-dad and brother who are anti-maskers. I feel like I'm less worried about them wearing them and more worried about them fighting with my fiance. I really don't need it right now on top of the stress of everything else. Like, obviously they should....

    I don't know about the rest of your, but I'm ready for this all to be over. I'm happy to hear advice, but I also think maybe I just needed to vent. I'm so anxious about the whole thing now, and I love to plan parties.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    There have been "super spreader" events that have occurred in the last 6 months that have caused a huge amount of people to get sick all at once...weddings is a big cause of these super spreaders.

    Ask yourself is it worth it to risk your friends and families lives? Will you feel okay if you have a group like this or go without masks and someone ends up again in the ICU, or even dies. Will you have no guilt for the rest of your life, knowing that it was your wedding that caused it?

    There has to be some responsibility right now. You have to consider everyone..not just what you want, or not just what someone else wants...but the good of EVERYONE.

    Would it be the worst thing in the world right now to either postpone the wedding, or with a much smaller wedding that only included your parents, and siblings and everyone wore masks?

    Weddings seem to be the worst right now in causing a large amount of people to become sick all at once, because the people who attend your wedding, also have their contacts.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I haven't seen nor been with my local relatives nor in-laws ever since Feb. 2020. We will not attend family holiday gatherings this year.

    What you have to worry about is asymptomatic people spreading COVID-19.

    We're staying home this year and hunkering down for the holidays. Better safe than sorry.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    To be honest, after re-reading your post...I would go with my fiancee to the court house, have our own wedding and leave it at that. No other guests...because you're not doing it for them and yes, the way you've described everything, you're going to have huge fights on your hands and possibly more sick people.

    Both the fighting and possibly getting people sick, sound like a nightmare.

    Would you be willing to get married with just you and your husband in attendance as well as possible witnesses? (like only 2).

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. Have a small civil ceremony with a few people. Plan a nice honeymoon

    Why not forget about a big reception in such uncertain times and adapt by saving your money. Spend the money you would waste on feuding families at a covid super spreader party and have a nice honeymoon and start to your lives together.

    You need to adapt not only to what's happening in the world but to the fact that forcing feuding families together is not a good idea .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    This is a sucky catch 22 situation.

    You cannot enforce everyone to wear masks properly at a wedding. That would be the venue’s job to enforce because THEY will be the ones fined and shut down by the health department if people are not social distancing/wearing PPEs. Venues are under heavy scrutiny with gatherings since COVID... so good luck finding a Venus to agree to hold a wedding- especially with cases spiking now. Plus you will have to consider hiring extra security... more money to thrown down just to keep drama out.

    Also your fiancé/husband should NEVER be put in a position to fight with YOUR family- it is your job to handle your own family, not him... especially when you guys are married. Never meddle with your in laws because they WILL cause problems to your marriage by making your spouse side with them. It’s always a lose-lose situation.

    Another thing to consider: you only get ONE wedding day. You can’t redo it because it’s tacky and is playing pretend as if you guys never were married- and it’s deceitful. Even if it’s COVID, I wouldn’t hold two weddings. So if you guys get married at the courthouse, that is your wedding day... you shouldn’t plan a “church wedding” because the wedding was already performed. In fact many churches are against holding an additional wedding ceremony if the couple already married at the courthouse. BUT if you cannot wait, you can get married and then when COVID is over, have a vow renewal party... but you would have to skip the wedding attire, bridesmaids/grooms, first dances, bouquet toss. You can still have venue, catering, DJ, and cake though!

    You both have to decide what you want. I was engaged for three years because of financial instability and I went to graduate school for better job stability - and I was fine. I don’t have any solid advice here since this is a very different circumstance, but if I were in your shoes I would postpone the wedding until we have an idea of when there will be a vaccine and especially since we all don’t know what things will look like in the next several months ahead. Plans and regulations in every state are constantly changing, and you all would have to be changing your plans too. Wedding planning is an ultra stressful process. Plus it’s not like you can go anywhere for a honeymoon any time soon because of travel restrictions. Sadly getting married/having a baby around a worldwide pandemic is not a good idea.
    Last edited by Snny; 11-08-2020 at 09:41 AM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Very well said Snny.

  9. #8
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    I had a small wedding reception by choice (10 people at my (late) in-law's home) . It was magical because my focus was on the ceremony and getting married. We went out for lunch after and this was in 2008. My husband was up for doing a big wedding reception later (after our baby was born) but we saw a lot of family at my in-law's 50th wedding anniversary and I didn't want a big party. I write about me because there are so many ways to celebrate getting married. Here's what I would do. I think it's wonderful that you postponed the big reception till 2022 -so smart on your part. Given the mask stuff which is bizarre and ridiculous on the part of those who won't wear them properly, I would do a private ceremony with the two of you and perhaps a witness if needed and your officiant. I'd do a zoom event that day (I've attended a few -not weddings but religious milestone events) - it really can be lovely and those who love you will feel like they are there.

    Also many people postpone the big party for one reason or another so it's totally normal and again I think it's great how you thought outside the box and how you're giving this such careful thought. A ear friend's daughter just attended a large wedding reception in person - the venue found some sort of ridiculous loophole - with her husband and two young kids -my friend is older and of course after didn't know if she could help with the grandkids (yes, her daughter and family got tested right after but obviously it can show up later)

    Thanks for being so careful and thoughtful. And congratulations!!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Ok, I'm in Canada where we have pretty strict rules. I'm constantly shocked at how lax rules are in the US. What your family does and would like to do regarding masks would result in many fines up here, you just cant do that. So my opinion comes from how we live up here.

    Wearing a mask with your nose hanging out is almost as bad as no mask at all. Given how all of you have had covid, rules really should be adhered to. If I was you I'd get married at city hall with just parents as witnesses and save the reception for a year or two from now when hopefully things are better.

  11. #10
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MsCodeMonkey
    . . . my sister keeps wearing this yellow mask that doesn't cover her nose and basically gaps open when she speaks. I've been trying to hold my tongue, but I know I kept letting it slip that it should really be tight against her nose. I would normally never police with someone wears, but wearing it like is basically not wearing it at all. So she basically got mad at me for being passive aggressive and policing how others are following the mandate and said it did cover her nose(ya loosely when she doesn't move her face at all). And I told her I knew she was so smart and that she cared about people, so she should be wearing it properly. Eventually she said if I got her one she would wear it when she was with me. So I handed her the extra one in my bag. Not really a successful end to the conflict, but we both just ended the discussion. Last time I went out with my mom she insisted on wearing hers under her nose even though she's a nurse....
    Kudos to your sister for not responding to this condescension.

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