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Thread: Consistent conflict for months..

  1. #1

    Consistent conflict for months..

    Hi ... Iíve never done this and I recently came across this forum ó

    I feel lately like Iíve lost myself in my relationship, in a way. Social media and my partners bad decisions have impacted me so negatively that my good views on myself have almost completely diminished. Weíre trying to make it work, talking about couples therapy, taking a break from one another soon for up to a week - no contact.. itís a start I guess

    Weíve only been together for just over a year. Heís 28(m) & Iím 20(f) so thereís a bit of an age gap. We decided to move in together after having known each other for only 3 months in total and dating for 2. Weíve come this far. But lately I feel Iím not enough, like I donít meet his desires, or he wouldnít seek other things out of ďcuriosityĒ. Why does my boyfriend get ďcuriousĒ and want to see other people naked? So much so that he tried to get to their onlyfans links - and lied about it.. he didnít get any further than the login screen because he claims he doesnít have an account, and that heíd never pay for that. So I canít help but think that for sure if that subscription was free - he would proceed. Iíve been crying to him for months about how low heís made me feel and how insecure heís made me with his actions. Not only attempting to get to someoneís onlyfans, but publicly liking provocative & explicit photos on the internet for others to see. It makes me look stupid. And itís hurtful and disrespectful to me because I would never.. Iíve brought it up over and over how Iím not okay with him liking those things because what reason is there for him to give other people validation? When he doesnít even give it to me enough. Itís one thing to look, and to keep scrolling, but to look and take the extra step to like these photos, letting these people know heís looking at them - itís disrespect... he says he didnít see anything wrong with liking things like those on the internet.. but I had told him over and over that Iím not okay with it and it makes me feel gross. Does he just not care? Is he too invested in the idea of putting his parts into people? Immature maybe? Idk .. I wish I understood. Why is he so curious about what other women look like naked.... when Iím right here.. am I not fulfilling enough? Because thatís what it feels like. I feel like Iím not enough. Iíve expressed this, but nothing I seem to express about my feelings seem to get through to him. I want so badly to build a future with him as he says he does with me, but then why does he do this instead of respecting my boundaries?

  2. #2
    He says theyíre just mistakes. And everyone makes them... which I agree and I understand. But a mistake doesnít happen 5+ times. At this point itís a choice that heís making to disrespect what I ask. I donít feel like I ask too much, if he wants to be monogamous then why canít he be MONOGAMOUS.. why canít he have eyes for me and keep them off other women? Why does he allow his ďcuriosityď to harm our relationship? We used to be so good, and I wanna be good again if we can work through it. But it just hurts and I canít understand it and I feel lost

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    You have to respect your own boundaries. You have to draw the line. You have to choose between him and yourself. You can't have both in this situation. He is not interested in respecting your boundaries. He's interested in getting as much as he can, however he can get it. He's taking advantage of you.

  4. #4
    We want to work on it - and it will definitely take time.. he says he hasnít done any of that in months, itís just hard for me to trust it because heís already lied about things related. We came to the conclusion that in order for us to work we need to seek therapy both individually and as a pair. He takes care of me, so I donít think heís taking advantage exactly. I said I wanted to take some days apart with no contact because I want him to miss me and if he doesnít then weíll know our relationship is finished.

    I just canít manage to get over the anger and resentment I feel over the decisions he made against me and us so many times... it makes me feel so lonely.


  6. #5
    I feel like if we come out of this on the other side we can be great. But it will take time. & right now it just hurts.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    How long has he made you feel less than?

  8. #7
    Itís been half the relationship at least.. itís only gotten more intense with time. We want to take the steps to improve for us. But I canít wrap my head around the fact he claims this love for me but has done things to hurt me that he knows hurts me. He says he hasnít done anything like he was in 2 months, Iím not sure if itís really been that long because at this point my days fade into each other and I canít remember the day of the week let alone dates that things have happened.. but I wanna choose to believe heís not doing these things behind my back - Iím just not there yet because itís still so fresh to me and hurts.

    Weíve recently logged out of all of our social medias and removed them from our phones - so I guess thatís some improvement. He didnít fight me on it when I asked him to get off them.

    I guess Iím just having a hard time with such a feeling of resentment and lack of understanding why my body doesnít seem to be enough. Are men just like this? Do all of them just wanna see everyone naked... if so I have no hope for relationships.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    There is zero respect and no future with him. That's your harsh reality check. I'm sorry. He's a liar and you can never trust him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    He has made you feel devalued for the majority of the relationship, yet you think it can be "great." Clown, this is who he is! If you guys had not rushed into the insta relationship you would have seen this. Moving in with one another at 3 months was nuts, you should have waited at least a year, as your situation proves out.

    All of this garbage, one would have thought yo has been involved for years, not such a short period. I would still tell you to leave after a LTR.

    This guy does not respect or love you and the sooner the recognize that this is a lose-lose, you will be better off. "I feel like Iím not enough. Iíve expressed this, but nothing I seem to express about my feelings seem to get through to him. I want so badly to build a future with him as he says he does with me, but then why does he do this instead of respecting my boundaries?" I don;t know what the heck you are fighting for!

    The dude is a liar and cheat. What a complete waste of time!

  11. #10
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    After only a year together he can't keep off of seedy websites, you're talking about couples therapy and having a week's break from each other. None of that should be happening. Don't kid yourself that you're in a good relationship, that he wants the same things as you or that he will change. What do you think he's going to be doing on the week when you go no contact?! Don't go on a break for a week, but make that break permanent. You are too young to be stuck in a relationship with someone who lacks respect for your feelings.

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