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Thread: Consistent conflict for months..

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Originally Posted by Clownybaby
    He does understand his wrong doings and knows itís wrong and itís why weíve come to this point.
    The right man for you won't need this pointed out to him, OP.

    The right man would be much more respectful of you from the beginning. You are trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, and are probably going to learn the hard way that it won't work.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Hopefully you understand that most 1 yr. relationships are much happier than this and most men are not as sleazy as this.

    Your forgive and forget philosophy is misplaced and the perfect combination of your denial and his ongoing sneakiness.

    He may have "rescued" you from your bad home life/ parents, but at a very high price for you.
    Originally Posted by Clownybaby
    it was the first conversation weíve had about it without turning it into a screaming match and getting emotional

  3. #23
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    I utterly and completely endorse what Smackie wrote:

    "We know we will get a lot of resistance from you, we always do in these types of threads.The advice and point of views are pretty solid given already.You are talking to people who are in their 40s and up. We are no stranger to what you are going through. You have hope by thinking if you didnít get your way in this relationship, you walking away will kill him. Sorry but itís not going to. heís got you played. He is just telling you what you want to hear. Heís playing stupid calling his intentional behaviour as being just mistakes. You think you have this but we have seen it all before over and over again. Coming here is your last hope the hang onto a guy the lies, blows smoke up your but and takes no accountability for how he hurts you. You canít build anything from that...itís all a folly. You have been warned, so if the hurt continues and you refuse to see the reality this guy is not good for you, then it is all on you. You make the choice to stay with him to ďmake this workĒ. IMO you get what you get with this guy, he is who he is. He lies to you and hurts you....this is why we date people, to find out how they treat us and if they are the best choice for our future. Time to break it off before you get more bamboozled."

    I am puzzled. You are only twenty. What is the big rush to get tied to this person? You must also ask yourself why your self-worth is such that you are prepared to accept hurt at any cost. Get out of this bind, live your life, enjoy life and remember there are other men out there!

  4. #24
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    I also agree with Smackie, and I think you're running an uphill battle that you are likely to lose. You had a bad family situation, and this guy you barely knew became your knight in shining armor and rescued you from the mess of your home life. The bottom line is, it was too much too soon, and you had no idea who he really was at the time and that you are not compatible long-term. You jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. I don't think you or therapy are going to change him. These actions are not mistakes, they are intentional. I think what you need to do is move out on your own. Find a roommate, work towards a job and a career that offers you the ability to function independently and also work on yourself and your self-esteem. I feel like what you're trying to do is have this man complete you, but not in a healthy way, and you're latched on to that first 2-3 months that were probably pretty great, but unfortunately not a reality. Out of the year you've been together, it sounds like a good 7 months of that year have sucked.

    Maybe this guy feels suffocated. it's his own fault for pulling you into a live-in relationship when he barely knew you, and probably damaged from your home life, meaning he has had to help you work through your own emotional baggage, when neither of you were in a place to be putting any baggage on each other at all. There is a reason people date first.

    What I perceive here is a lot of things working backwards. You're starting at the end that isn't working, and trying to re-write the beginning.

    It's really great if this guy helped you out of a bad situation, and gave you the strength to remove yourself from a bad situation, but I think ideally, this moving in with him would have been temporary while you find a a new place to live, and then you date. Later, if things go well, you could move in together, but if it turns out the dude is actively participating in behaviors you are unhappy with and then lies about it, you would more easily have the option to end it. I know it's not "easy" at all, and I know that it hurts, but it has to be done. This isn't working.

    You leapt into a serious relationship with a guy you barely knew, and now you know him, and it's not pretty. I'm very sorry. I won't give you hopes of fixing this. I think it's time to cut your losses.


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