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Thread: I don't know if I should keep fighting for my marriage

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You learnt the hard way that rushing into things and assuming that you love this person, without hardly knowing them. It could end up in disaster and you could find out later on down the road that you didn't really know them and you don't even really like them.

    When two people first meet, it's all hearts and flowers and they think they are madly in love and everything is perfection...unfortunately, it's just not reality.
    Hormones play a huge part in it as does lust and it being something new.

    When the blinders come off though and things settle down, it might not be anything like you thought it was and they might not be someone you even like.
    This sounds like what happened to you, and you're right, you don't rush into things for this exact reason.

    What do you do now? Divorce. Any man that suggests you try to take advantage of your own mother, it's not a man you should stay married to. I can't even understand how a person could think those things.

    It's a hard way to learn the lesson to not rush into things and to take you time though.

  2. #22
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    I left today.
    I mannaged to pack all my important things and got away.
    I'm exhausted and overwhelmed.
    It is difficult because I am the one that ended things.
    He immediately called and first asked me to come back then he used a more treating language.
    It would have been different if we didn't live with his parents.
    I feel sorry for him. He is a damaged individual that is mentally dependent on his parents.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    A brave move bile. You did well! None of this is easy. Try to get some rest now, you need it and deserve it. Be very kind to yourself.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Good for you. What's your next step?

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  6. #25
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    To be honest I'm too overwhelmed and I'm just going to try to settle and devote myself to my child.
    I'm not going to file for divorce I'm going to leave all the messy stuff to him.
    I'm afraid of hisand his family reaction. They are very possessive of my child so anything can be expected.
    The weaker part of me wants to give him another chance to ask if je can live with me at my place, to try to be a real couple and by ourselves, maybe he can become more independent.
    But I feel that he cannot change.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you with trusted friends and family now? Divorce is not "messy stuff". Talking to an attorney is crucial with regard to protecting your child.

    Unfortunately many people go back to abusive relationships because they are still hoping the nightmare magically turns into a fairy tale.

    This is called cognitive dissonance. Google it.

  8. #27
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    I'm with my family.
    I have talked to an attorney and the social services.
    The law in my country makes it impossible for a small child to not be with his mother.
    I've been advised to stay calm and not take any actions. So, I'm going to just let them beat their heads and figure out what they are going to do.It's about time that they feel the consequences of their behaviour.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not about teaching your in-laws a lesson. It's about protecting yourself and your child.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Bile. I have just been re-reading your original post. It was so unfortunate that you got entangled with this individual and his equally awful family. The word "consequences" doesn't figure largely in the vocabulary of such people. Again I am so glad to read that you got away. The fact that you are afraid of these individuals is quite chilling. Do not let the idea even cross your mind of returning to this person.
    You have managed to break free. Please take every professional advice you can get.
    The best of luck to you.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    The word "consequences" doesn't figure largely in the vocabulary of such people.
    I agree. Such people typically shunt the blame to others (you!). Don't hold your breath waiting for them to recognize their own errors! And steel yourself to be branded as the bad guy in their eyes.

    Don't worry about them. Keep your eyes forward and stay safe within the protection of your family. Focus on yourself and your child.

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