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Thread: I don't know if I should keep fighting for my marriage

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by bile09
    I have already done this and I have also consulted a psychologist.She advised me not rush things to be patient and basically try to somehow win him over.
    Now I am in a dilemma.
    Is it best if I end things faster or give myself some time to just think things through.
    Terrible advice. Find another doctor.

    How long did you date before marrying?

    So many red flags before marrying. Him telling you he wanted a family and marriage, yet you were near strangers. Didnít you see the dynamic of his family while dating?

    What did you do when he told you to cut off your mom? You should have bailed then.

    Get a divorce and learn from this. You are in a abusive situation and this damaging for your kid! There is no future with this guy! What you see is what you get!

  2. #12
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    We dated for four months that's why I couldn't really get to know his family.
    Looking back I am sure that not letting me really get to know his situation was a calculated move on his part.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Can I ask what's keeping you in this marriage? This is more of an open-ended question. There are reasons to leave and reasons to stay. I'm curious what's keeping you here.

  4. #14
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    Well I am a child of divorced parents myself, so in the back of my mind there always this thought that that's why I'm rushing to end things.
    Also, maybe I'm hopeless but I did love him deeply and there are still feelings there.
    Also, comming from a broken family I fear for my child because I know what that means.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bile09
    Well I am a child of divorced parents myself, so in the back of my mind there always this thought that that's why I'm rushing to end things.
    Also, maybe I'm hopeless but I did love him deeply and there are still feelings there.
    Also, comming from a broken family I fear for my child because I know what that means.
    The greater fear should be the abuse your child will suffer if you stay.

    Any number of posters on here can tell you from personal experience that when parents decide to stay in a toxic marriage or relationship, the damage is a million times greater than if they had left.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by bile09
    Well I am a child of divorced parents myself, so in the back of my mind there always this thought that that's why I'm rushing to end things.
    Also, maybe I'm hopeless but I did love him deeply and there are still feelings there.
    Also, comming from a broken family I fear for my child because I know what that means.
    Keeping your child in this environment is damaging. Donít make your child pay for your poor decisions. Get away from these people!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Change only begins to happen when people acknowledge there is a problem.
    Your husband isn't even close to realizing it.
    His desire is to convert you to his and his families way a thinking.
    If you have to live this way indefinitely would that be ok?
    Because short of some sort of radical intervention, you're outnumbered here.
    I remember not wanting my kids to come from 'a broken home. But the reality is divorced families are more normal than not.
    At first my mindset was like yours. I wanted to stay for my kids.
    In the end - my choice was to leave FOR my kids.

    Your child is taking notes and what they see they will imitate in their adult relationships.

    You are setting an example.
    Personally I wanted my sons to learn that women won't stand still to be treated poorly. They are strong and can decide that being on their own is a healthy, better option
    What example to you want to set for your child?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bile09
    I have already done this and I have also consulted a psychologist.She advised me not rush things to be patient and basically try to somehow win him over.
    Now I am in a dilemma.
    Is it best if I end things faster or give myself some time to just think things through.
    Get a new psychologist and then find a new place to live and move out with your child. You will have to sort out custody and support payments for the child that he will have to pay to you til he or she is 18. What an unhealthy situation you are in, it will never get any better with this guy so under the thumb of his parents.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bile09
    Well I am a child of divorced parents myself, so in the back of my mind there always this thought that that's why I'm rushing to end things.
    Also, maybe I'm hopeless but I did love him deeply and there are still feelings there.
    Also, comming from a broken family I fear for my child because I know what that means.
    I come from a broken family. However, my mother and siblings were relieved that there was finally peace in the home.

    If your instincts are telling you to end things because it's pointless to talk to your husband, do what's right for your child and you long term.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with coming from divorced parents.

    This alone indicates that you are with a dangerous sociopath. Why doesn't this register as being grossly abnormal?

    Unfortunately it sounds like you are financially and mentally over-dependent on him. That you pushed forward with some daydream about marriage kids happily ever after and decided to ignore red flags in order to do so.

    You need to break free from distorted thinking and do whatever you can to extricate yourself from this horrendous mistake.
    Originally Posted by bile09
    he said that I should cut contact with my mom I should try to take advantage of her financially.

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