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Thread: Boyfriend claims I'm his girlfriend now - no real talk of it?

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    Boyfriend claims I'm his girlfriend now - no real talk of it?

    (25F) (34M). So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months. All things have been going well, we get a long really well, I know his friends etc. All signs of a serious relationship. For a few months I was unsure of what we were as he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We had the talk a few times. He had a few concerns regarding some things or lack of in common. He said he wanted to only make a decision after his exams (they have just finished). We haven’t talked about until briefly tonight. Okay, I was under that impression; we aren’t official yet. Tonight I mentioned that I wasn’t sure about us continuing to have sex without a ‘label’ as it seems casual. He said we don’t have to have sex (he’s quite traditional) and then he said ‘what? You are my girlfriend’ ‘I thought we’ve known that since we’ve been dating’. Now I’m confused. I said ‘well if you introduced me to a friend of yours, do you say I’m your girlfriend?’ And he said yes. While months ago when I met his friends, he didn’t say that but I’m confused. Advice?

    TL;DR I thought this guy and I wasn’t official. We have been dating for over 6 months. Then claimed I am his girlfriend.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Don't overthink it.
    He wasn't sure. He is now.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't chase so hard. Dial it back. No more questions and just read between the lines a bit more. The idea that your feelings aren't reciprocated can be overwhelming and painful but definitely rein it in a little. You don't want to step all over that spark you both had from the beginning.

    If you don't feel comfortable sleeping with him, do other things together. It doesn't have to be a big issue. Make suggestions to do other activities or engage with each other in other ways. In that space inbetween hang out with more friends or see how he treats you around others. Leave room to breathe.

    What you should be sure about is that it is a monogamous relationship for obvious reasons and make sure you're on the same page (ie safe sex etc).

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Don't chase so hard. Dial it back. No more questions and just read between the lines a bit more. The idea that your feelings aren't reciprocated can be overwhelming and painful but definitely rein it in a little. You don't want to step all over that spark you both had from the beginning.

    If you don't feel comfortable sleeping with him, do other things together. It doesn't have to be a big issue. Make suggestions to do other activities or engage with each other in other ways. In that space inbetween hang out with more friends or see how he treats you around others. Leave room to breathe.
    Thank you Rose! I feel there is a bit more clarity now. Sleeping with him is something I love doing but we also have fun doing basic, but fun things together. I'm assuming that he wouldn't say I'm his girlfriend if he didn't mean it as he's a naturally very risk-averse person.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Welcome... I added the safe sex thing. I hope you both have some understanding. He sounds like a good guy. Give it time to blossom. Very happy for you.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Welcome... I added the safe sex thing. I hope you both have some understanding. He sounds like a good guy. Give it time to blossom. Very happy for you.
    Thank you, kind stranger, you are very pragmatic.

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    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    He had a few concerns regarding some things or lack of in common.
    Have you spoken about this?

    What was he referring to here?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He realized a simple label would keep the sex flowing since you threatened to cut it off without this label.

    What that means is he's still not in with both feet, but now knows what you want to hear in order to get sex.

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    “ I was unsure of what we were as he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We had the talk a few times. He had a few concerns regarding some things or lack of in common. He said he wanted to only make a decision after his exams”


    Why does someone have to ask you to be their gf?

    What talk did you have? About how you need him to ask you to be his gf???
    And why?
    Did you ask him to be your bf?
    It sounds like you did but that his reply was he would decide after his exams???
    Was that answer really ok with you??? And why???

    He is clearly not interested beyond what he is getting from you on a week to week basis.

    Tells you what you want to hear when pressurised.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He realized a simple label would keep the sex flowing since you threatened to cut it off without this label.

    What that means is he's still not in with both feet, but now knows what you want to hear in order to get sex.
    That's how I read it as well.

    First he says this:

    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    For a few months I was unsure of what we were as he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We had the talk a few times. He had a few concerns regarding some things or lack of in common. He said he wanted to only make a decision after his exams (they have just finished).
    Then he acts like that conversation never happened:

    Originally Posted by dustycloud
    ‘what? You are my girlfriend’ ‘I thought we’ve known that since we’ve been dating’.
    That's crazy-making. Of course you're confused.

    Is this the same guy who was being insulting? Haven't you been seeing him since February/March? Didn't you give him an ultimatum in July? If that's the case, it's really been about 9 months... How long can he keep you dangling?
    Last edited by Jibralta; 11-06-2020 at 08:42 AM.

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