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Thread: Help my son with the passing of his grandpa

  1. #1
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Help my son with the passing of his grandpa

    My son is having a very hard time with COVID fatigue and gets enraged easily with ANY talk of it. He blames restrictions partially for the death of his grandpa. ( which is partially true, my father found restrictions extremely impossible for people who were mobility disabled and deaf and with severe health issues. )

    I have acknowledged his feelings , we have talked. I am extremely Covid fatigued myself and of course miss my father and my husband is gone until Christmas.

    My son refuses ALL suggestions of therapy so that is pointless and at 23 I canít force him.

    If I wasnít so down myself.

    Any suggestions on helping him with his grief and anger?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think as Moms we go into fix it mode. It's always been our job to keep our kids safe and safe from hurt.
    Unfortunately grief and anger are normal, often healthy responses to life events.
    It's hard to step back and not try to make it all better.

    It sounds like you are doing a good job and he knows the door is open to talk and you understand that he's hurting. Unfortunately, you might just have to ride this one out.

    Hang in there. It must be difficult when you have so much else going on at the same time. Stay mindful to what is yours and what is his.

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    Set boundaries for your own sanity.
    if he starts BLAMING things that don't have anything to do with Covid on Covid, rants about things and is not being "productive" in his discussions (just talking in circles) "I love you and like to listen to you, but when you talk about that, I will go back to my book" (or name what you are doing instead). Not as a threat -- just quietly do it and ignore him for a bit, unless he comes to you in a calm manner about something else. After this a few times and he asks why you won't listen, tell him that if he wants to talk about it, then he can tell a therapist.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    When you say covid fatigue as it affects your family could you be more specific (or is this specific to the passing of his grandpa only)? Some people don't like talking about it. I abide by the rules and restrictions but refuse to make it a part of a 'talk' or allow it to overtake other areas of my life. I do have to meet with others periodically and it does come up in conversation. I hear a lot more rants than I do say anything about the topic in general which works for me.

    He may have to work through his emotions in his own time.

    Maybe you seek to connect more on the topic (your grieving process vs his) but he is seeking more normalcy without having to talk about it.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 11-03-2020 at 08:45 PM.

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    Can you two volunteer together to help people in need? That might feel positive and something you two can do together.

    Very sorry he is having such a hard time!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    For the time being, do whatever you can to keep him away from any talk about Covid...it's obviously a trigger.

    I know it may be difficult with media, but for now anyhow, talking about Covid will only make things worse.

    Distraction will help. Maybe watch movies with him that he will enjoy and aren't anything upsetting, suggest different activities as well that he enjoys that won't trigger him.

    It's tough. In our house, we try to keep the tv off and if we want to watch something, we use Netflix. Somedays a person just doesn't want to hear the dismal crap, so I get where your sons coming from. Add into it mourning a loss and it's tough.

    Give it time, it will pass. Right now he's trying to work through his feelings and he will in time.

    Hope you're doing okay in the meantime, Seraphim. Hugs.

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    I don't blame him.

    COVID fatigue is affecting all of us. It really is new territory.

    That said, so what? We've each of us had to deal with the death of a grandparent. It sucks, but it's also natural. Help your son understand that while circumstances right now are not necessarily ordinary, the ultimate circumstances are.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I think as Moms we go into fix it mode. It's always been our job to keep our kids safe and safe from hurt.
    Unfortunately grief and anger are normal, often healthy responses to life events.
    It's hard to step back and not try to make it all better.

    It sounds like you are doing a good job and he knows the door is open to talk and you understand that he's hurting. Unfortunately, you might just have to ride this one out.

    Hang in there. It must be difficult when you have so much else going on at the same time. Stay mindful to what is yours and what is his.
    True, I am very protective of him. And he will resolve it in time. COVID is especially difficult because of course non of us have lived through any of this and it was part of the reason my father chose to die and my son deeply resents COVID partly for that reason. He also couldnít go say goodbye to grandpa at the hospital so he last saw my dad last Christmas.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Set boundaries for your own sanity.
    if he starts BLAMING things that don't have anything to do with Covid on Covid, rants about things and is not being "productive" in his discussions (just talking in circles) "I love you and like to listen to you, but when you talk about that, I will go back to my book" (or name what you are doing instead). Not as a threat -- just quietly do it and ignore him for a bit, unless he comes to you in a calm manner about something else. After this a few times and he asks why you won't listen, tell him that if he wants to talk about it, then he can tell a therapist.
    Well, he doesnít talk about things that have nothing to do with Covid and just connect them. They are logical connections and heís angry.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to deal with your own anger and grief first. Kids pick up stuff they sense.

    Unsure if I should post here with any sound, well meant advice if it's just venting or to dispute
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    .
    If I wasnít so down myself.

    Any suggestions on helping him with his grief and anger?

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