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Thread: Help my son with the passing of his grandpa

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My son canít make phone calls unfortunately. His auditory processing disorder doesnít allow him to understand what is happening on the phone. He needs to see a personís face .
    OK. All the best to you.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, ~Seraphim~.

    Hopefully, there can be healthy distractions for him so he won't have as much brain space to grieve and mourn. Perhaps get him involved in various activities to keep him busy.

    My condolences and I'm sorry for your loss.

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    OK. All the best to you.
    It is not that it is bad idea it is just at present he is not capable of that.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Is there maybe some way you could arrange for him to say goodbye?
    Years and years ago, when my father passed, my brother was not able to go to the funeral due to being in hospital at that time. His recovery was a long one, but once he was able, my mom arranged a special little ceremony where just us went to visit dads grave, and we tied letters to dad on helium balloons and let them free.
    OK, not the most environmentally responsible, but my brother has told me how important that was to him. We also planted trees, in honour of dad.
    These particular ideas may not be the best ones for your son, you know him better than anyone. Just the idea of something a bit structured where the space and time is specifically for saying goodbye and honouring the person.

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  6. #25
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Is there maybe some way you could arrange for him to say goodbye?
    Years and years ago, when my father passed, my brother was not able to go to the funeral due to being in hospital at that time. His recovery was a long one, but once he was able, my mom arranged a special little ceremony where just us went to visit dads grave, and we tied letters to dad on helium balloons and let them free.
    OK, not the most environmentally responsible, but my brother has told me how important that was to him. We also planted trees, in honour of dad.
    These particular ideas may not be the best ones for your son, you know him better than anyone. Just the idea of something a bit structured where the space and time is specifically for saying goodbye and honouring the person.
    He went to the funeral. It is more about he is enraged COVID had a hand in killing his grandpa.

  7. #26
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I'm sorry, ~Seraphim~.

    Hopefully, there can be healthy distractions for him so he won't have as much brain space to grieve and mourn. Perhaps get him involved in various activities to keep him busy.

    My condolences and I'm sorry for your loss.
    All of his activities have been cancelled due to COVID.

  8. #27
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had some good advice to share...You know your son. What are some of the things that you have taught him, raised him with as coping mechanisms?

    Do you know what I mean? In my family, when bad things happen, we talk about things and let us just feel how we feel.

    i can hear my own parents saying, life is hard but getting through it to better times is important, acknowledging how we feel and accepting sometimes it just is awful.

    A death, an untimely one, a pandemic and all. There's not a bright side. Recounting how much you loved your dad/grandpa, what his life meant to you guys...

    Creating a place where he feels understood and comforted and then maybe some encouragement to get the physical anger out at the gym, with a punching bag or doing chores like chopping wood or what you guys do. Cleaning, tackling a project, ripping down wallpapers or an old shed....

    Its all about the coping, channeling pain out and also balancing in comforts. Leaving his favorite snack out on the table, giving him space, also encouraging him understand he is not alone, you're here and dealing with it, too.

    Hugs.... I don't know if this helps or not...
    It does help. I am just a lost mama right now.

  9. #28
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    Tough one since both of his male role models are not around right now.

    Is your husband able to do video chats with your son? If so maybe those could be a little more frequent until he returns.

    When your son was younger what was his outlet for his frustrations? Was there anything he could do to release some of his anger back then?

    23 not matter the diagnosis is still a tough age for a son and his mother.

    ((HUGS))

    Lost
    Thank you.

  10. #29
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    This made me so heartbroken to read... I'm so sorry Seraphim. Things like this are a lot harder for people with autism :( Have a friend whose adult daughter has autism and is also having troubles coping off and on with the restrictions controlling their life. It just breaks up their normal and comfortable view of things.

    Then the grief and anger... I do think autism makes the processing take longer, because it's normal for them to go in circles trying to figure it out. Which can make the parent weary hearing it go round and round, but it does I think help them.

    I'll be thinking of you both and praying.

  11. #30
    Member maritalbliss86's Avatar
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    Just a suggestion, not sure if this would help, but do you think you can help him understand that at least your dad chose to leave on his own accord?

    Maybe your dad was the kind of man that wanted to live life on his own terms? It would make sense with him wanting to face death on his own terms then.

    If you can maybe help your son see all this - if it's actually true - maybe that could help him come to terms with his grandpa choosing death due to COVID? It would explain it and maybe take away the anger part if he can see that this was his grandpa's choice to do this. He can still feel angry about it, but this was just the kind of person his grandpa was (if this is true).

    I think sometimes when someone has something like terminal cancer and their family wants them to still try to go through all the painful treatments, they choose to die instead. My grandma did that, but we all understood the treatments probably wouldn't have worked anyway, and would have only caused her longer, drawn out pain.

    But she definitely chose death at that time. It was her choice and chance and she took it.

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