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Thread: Help my son with the passing of his grandpa

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    When you say covid fatigue as it affects your family could you be more specific (or is this specific to the passing of his grandpa only)? Some people don't like talking about it. I abide by the rules and restrictions but refuse to make it a part of a 'talk' or allow it to overtake other areas of my life. I do have to meet with others periodically and it does come up in conversation. I hear a lot more rants than I do say anything about the topic in general which works for me.

    He may have to work through his emotions in his own time.

    Maybe you seek to connect more on the topic (your grieving process vs his) but he is seeking more normalcy without having to talk about it.
    Covid is apart of everything, our work, where we go what we do, where we can and canít go , the fact we canít see my husband etc and etc. It has invaded everything and was part of my dadĎs reason of choosing to die.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Can you two volunteer together to help people in need? That might feel positive and something you two can do together.

    Very sorry he is having such a hard time!
    He would never do that right now.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    For the time being, do whatever you can to keep him away from any talk about Covid...it's obviously a trigger.

    I know it may be difficult with media, but for now anyhow, talking about Covid will only make things worse.

    Distraction will help. Maybe watch movies with him that he will enjoy and aren't anything upsetting, suggest different activities as well that he enjoys that won't trigger him.

    It's tough. In our house, we try to keep the tv off and if we want to watch something, we use Netflix. Somedays a person just doesn't want to hear the dismal crap, so I get where your sons coming from. Add into it mourning a loss and it's tough.

    Give it time, it will pass. Right now he's trying to work through his feelings and he will in time.

    Hope you're doing okay in the meantime, Seraphim. Hugs.
    For sure, we havenít had our TV on the news for months. But of course he can see social media on his own. He is a very avid YOUTUBE watcher so Lord knows what he watches on there. And he has some ideas which are extremely opposite to mine.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by camus154
    I don't blame him.

    COVID fatigue is affecting all of us. It really is new territory.

    That said, so what? We've each of us had to deal with the death of a grandparent. It sucks, but it's also natural. Help your son understand that while circumstances right now are not necessarily ordinary, the ultimate circumstances are.
    Well, not so much natural. My dad was 74 and stopped his dialysis and said thatís it Iím going to die bye-bye. And my son never got to say goodbye.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had some good advice to share...You know your son. What are some of the things that you have taught him, raised him with as coping mechanisms?

    Do you know what I mean? In my family, when bad things happen, we talk about things and let us just feel how we feel.

    i can hear my own parents saying, life is hard but getting through it to better times is important, acknowledging how we feel and accepting sometimes it just is awful.

    A death, an untimely one, a pandemic and all. There's not a bright side. Recounting how much you loved your dad/grandpa, what his life meant to you guys...

    Creating a place where he feels understood and comforted and then maybe some encouragement to get the physical anger out at the gym, with a punching bag or doing chores like chopping wood or what you guys do. Cleaning, tackling a project, ripping down wallpapers or an old shed....

    Its all about the coping, channeling pain out and also balancing in comforts. Leaving his favorite snack out on the table, giving him space, also encouraging him understand he is not alone, you're here and dealing with it, too.

    Hugs.... I don't know if this helps or not...

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    He would never do that right now.
    (Or virtually which is what I did, calling people who live alone -elderly people - during this covid time). Anyway sounds like my suggestion didn't work. I am sorry he is having such a hard time.

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    (Or virtually which is what I did, calling people who live alone -elderly people - during this covid time). Anyway sounds like my suggestion didn't work. I am sorry he is having such a hard time.
    My son canít make phone calls unfortunately. His auditory processing disorder doesnít allow him to understand what is happening on the phone. He needs to see a personís face .

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had some good advice to share...You know your son. What are some of the things that you have taught him, raised him with as coping mechanisms?

    Do you know what I mean? In my family, when bad things happen, we talk about things and let us just feel how we feel.

    i can hear my own parents saying, life is hard but getting through it to better times is important, acknowledging how we feel and accepting sometimes it just is awful.

    A death, an untimely one, a pandemic and all. There's not a bright side. Recounting how much you loved your dad/grandpa, what his life meant to you guys...

    Creating a place where he feels understood and comforted and then maybe some encouragement to get the physical anger out at the gym, with a punching bag or doing chores like chopping wood or what you guys do. Cleaning, tackling a project, ripping down wallpapers or an old shed....

    Its all about the coping, channeling pain out and also balancing in comforts. Leaving his favorite snack out on the table, giving him space, also encouraging him understand he is not alone, you're here and dealing with it, too.

    Hugs.... I don't know if this helps or not...
    I will answer when the littles are in bed. ❤️

  10. #19
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Tough one since both of his male role models are not around right now.

    Is your husband able to do video chats with your son? If so maybe those could be a little more frequent until he returns.

    When your son was younger what was his outlet for his frustrations? Was there anything he could do to release some of his anger back then?

    23 not matter the diagnosis is still a tough age for a son and his mother.

    ((HUGS))

    Lost

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Well, he doesnít talk about things that have nothing to do with Covid and just connect them. They are logical connections and heís angry.
    SO -- you have listened to his anger. There is nothing you can do to fix it, so use your boundaries to a) stop hearing about it b) it reinforces the idea if he wants to wallow unproductively - he can see a therapist. You don't have to listen to the same anger all the time that doesn't change/there are never any realizations. this to preserve your own sanity and stress. If he wishes to talk to you, he can find other topics.

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