Jump to content

I had to part ways


winkie

Recommended Posts

I was dating this amazing guy for almost 8 months. He had some stuff from his childhood and he has a daughter in another state. The ex took her there and it’s been hard on him.

Needless to say, we got along awesome. We just vibed. The only problem after 8 months he didn’t know what he wanted. I am older by about 8 years. He is 37 and I am 45. I do not want anymore kids(told him from the beginning) or at least I thought I didn’t. He may want another one, but that is not the whole reason, when asked. I am at a loss.

I had to break up with him. My heart was hurt when he said he didn’t not know what he wanted. I guess I just wanted to write it down on this forum. I have never posted anything before. My heart just hurts.

Link to comment

Cry your eyes out. And then think about how strong you were to end something that was unfulfilling. You're stronger than you think for knowing what you need and deserve. That's it right there.

 

You have the right idea not mixing up with people who don't know what they want. Regardless of their issues, you need to get on with the business of living and tend to yourself. There's a time and place for everything.

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately in addition to him not being ready to date, it sounds like he's pining for his ex and family. Add to that the incompatibility regarding kids and you did the right thing ending it.

I was dating this amazing guy for almost 8 months. he has a daughter in another state. The ex took her there and it’s been hard on him.

I do not want anymore kids. He may want another one, but that is not the whole reason, when asked. I am at a loss.

he didn’t not know what he wanted.

Link to comment

I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to be. Time will heal your wounds.

 

Look at the silver lining or blessing in disguise. He wouldn't have been capable of giving you the type of happy life you desire and deserve.

 

I agree with others. He has baggage and comes with strings attached which is complicated and you don't need this type of insecurity, instability and stress. At the end of the day, think in practical terms and remain realistic. Then the hurt becomes less.

Link to comment

Thank you everyone. He is not at all for his ex. It is over but yes he has baggage from it. Also from his childhood. I have 2 kids of my own and I am happy with that. It’s just hard this is the first person since my divorce (July 2015) that I actually was crazy about.

I will say he opened me up to things that I thought I would not want (cuddling, being with someone all

The time, staying over all the time, maybe remarrying), I am grateful for that.

Link to comment
Thank you everyone. He is not at all for his ex. It is over but yes he has baggage from it. Also from his childhood. I have 2 kids of my own and I am happy with that. It’s just hard this is the first person since my divorce (July 2015) that I actually was crazy about.

I will say he opened me up to things that I thought I would not want (cuddling, being with someone all

The time, staying over all the time, maybe remarrying), I am grateful for that.

 

Be kind to yourself as you allow time to heal your broken heart. What helps is to get busy, distracted by doing things you enjoy, become industrious and then you won't have as much time and energy to dwell on your past with him. Then he'll eventually become a blur.

Link to comment

I remember someone saying to me when I was crazy about someone and they didn't feel the same, that that person wasn't "the one". Because "the one" would feel exactly the same about me too. I think being in a relationship has to be mutual love and adoration and "vibing", as you said. If after eight months the guy said he doesn't know what he wants, then obviously you're not really Viking. Because from his end he's not feeling it to the same extent as you. Saying he doesn't know what he wants is just such a blank statement and doesn't really speak of having much feelings. I think you deserve someone who does know what they want, and they want YOU.

Link to comment
I remember someone saying to me when I was crazy about someone and they didn't feel the same, that that person wasn't "the one". Because "the one" would feel exactly the same about me too. I think being in a relationship has to be mutual love and adoration and "vibing", as you said. If after eight months the guy said he doesn't know what he wants, then obviously you're not really Viking. Because from his end he's not feeling it to the same extent as you. Saying he doesn't know what he wants is just such a blank statement and doesn't really speak of having much feelings. I think you deserve someone who does know what they want, and they want YOU.

 

* vibing, not Viking. Autocorrect is the worst looll

Link to comment
Cry your eyes out. And then think about how strong you were to end something that was unfulfilling. You're stronger than you think for knowing what you need and deserve. That's it right there.

 

You have the right idea not mixing up with people who don't know what they want. Regardless of their issues, you need to get on with the business of living and tend to yourself. There's a time and place for everything.

 

Rose Mosse, I wonder about you? You are very wise in your advice. I have been seeing your posts. It would lead me to believe you have been through it all and survived. Thank you for the inspiration.

Link to comment

Sit with yourself for a while without "doing" things.

The distractions of always being in motion prevent you from feeling your feelings. Many people think that, by keeping busy, the emotions will simply evaporate. That is not true. There is a time to be busy, but make time to be still, so you can see what pain comes up for you. And stay with the pain. Far too many people rush themselves out of pain, because they've been taught that "that's feeling sorry for yourself and that's not good." Nothing could be further from the truth. Running away from pain makes it last longer. I worked for Suicide Prevention and one of the most striking things was what people did to avoid pain: constant motion, constantly "being productive." They never sat there and let themselves cry their hearts out or feel the pain that sometimes takes months to get past (in this fast society, people delude themselves into thinking they should be over someone in a month or two.) You will be "over" them when you can think about them without your heart breaking. It may break a little bit for a while (3 months, even 6 months), but eventually it will be minimal and you won't carry it with you into the next relationship (which far too many people do. You can tell, because they're STILL talking about "how hurt I've been by the last six guys I went out with"). (And if your first date is about the last person who hurt you, you are still stuck in the past and not ready to date and that goes for your date, too. If I date a guy and he starts talking about his ex, there is no second date. He's not ready to date again: he's still living in the past.

 

If you keeping dating the same kind of guy, you are 1) wounded yourself, 2), not being observant enough about the person himself (not his charm, not his good looks, not his money), but his character (NOT personality. Personality is superficial: character is the bedrock). And 3), ALWAYS ask about his relationship with his mother and his siblings. If he does not like his mother, that's something to inquire about. Any psychologist will tell you that. Poor relationship with mom = trouble, unless he's worked it out in therapy, because the mother provides the stages of emotional development for the child between the ages 0-3. That's when the core of "you" is formed. So: unstable mom/distant mom/cold mom/abusive mom = poor relationship with women. Same thing with dads, whether you're a man or a woman. Poor dad relationship? "Daddy issues." Ask about mom, ask about dad and ask about siblings and ask "why do you think you didn't get along with___________?" That will help you weed out the people (and this goes for friends, too) worth having close to you and which ones to only meet for coffee!

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...