Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Missing an ex from my past

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    1

    Missing an ex from my past

    Hi I hope you can help me
    Iím a 30yo married woman who overall is happy with her life. Iíve no major issues, me and my husband are happy and life is stress free.
    Lately though Iíve been having dreams about my ex who I was with a few years in my early 20s. I was crazy about him, especially in the early days, and we were inseparable. In the end things got hard and I discovered he wasnít quite the sweet heart I thought: he was jealous, controlling and after we broke up contacted me a year later and toyed with my emotions for months while using me for sex - he wasnít the same person I got together with. I had my heart broken twice.

    His father was also horrid to me and kicked me out once for crying over someone Iíd lost to cancer, my ex couldnít cope with my upset and started throwing things and I was blamed and told not to go back to the house. Towards the end of that relationship I had never felt more alone in my whole life.

    I donít know why Iím suddenly thinking like this? Do I just miss that time of my life and not him? Why do I even care? Heís married now and I feel like I was never worthy or something. Like this new girl gets all the nice bits and the family approval and I was just thrown to the side like dirt.

    The funny thing is, when I found someone else and moved on he sent me one final text to call me a . Thatís the last I ever heard from him (I didnít reply).

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,445
    Gender
    Female
    Perhaps your low self-esteem is responsible for a subconscious feeling that you deserve someone unhealthy for you. I'm assuming your husband is a decent guy, and functional feels off to you.

    You can control where your mind goes. If his number is still on your phone, block and delete. Don't seek out how his life is going by stalking his social media. Your goal should be to work on your self esteem by reading books and articles. Start pouring that emotional energy into your husband. Spice things up by going to a couples store to pick out new items for bedroom use. Take tango lessons with him. Begin a new solo hobby you can be passionate about.

    Perhaps you miss the great highs and lows and all the drama of a toxic relationship. Learn to embrace the lazy river calmness of a good marriage, but don't get lazy yourself and always make effort to inject sparks into the marriage. Also, feel free to ask for what you want from your hubby. A back massage. Holding hands while snuggling on the couch while you talk or watch a favorite show. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,556
    You can dwell on it or choose to let it go. How long is 'lately'? The past year or the past couple of days?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,173
    Gender
    Male
    This is just a dream but your ego is turning it into something real. Don't let it!!!

    The next time it happens roll over and hug your husband and whisper to him how happy you are and how much you love him.

    All of that in the past is what brought you to your husband and your happy life so don't look at it like you lost something some other woman got, you have something she will never have because you know who that ex really is.

    Lost

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Long Island, New York
    Age
    45
    Posts
    253
    Gender
    Female
    So much great advice above. Yes you need to let it go. You may be reminiscent about a time in your life when you were happy. However, most of the time all relationships are happy in the beginning. You need to remember him for what he did to you and how he made you feel those times he broke your heart. You have a great marriage like you said, be happy and tell yourself there is nothing good about him to remember. Good luck

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,608
    Gender
    Male
    Yes. You're unhappy somehow and thinking of simpler times dating, in college, etc. However it's alarming that you worship an abuser and only a therapist can help you with that and address your current dissatisfaction with married, responsible adult life.
    Originally Posted by Emploor
    Iím a 30yo married woman

    my early 20s.

    Do I just miss that time of my life and not him?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,756
    They say when you dream of an ex, listen to what they have to say. They say the advice they are giving you is relative to what is going on for you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,672
    Get busy and distracted so you won't have time to dwell on your ex during your waking hours and hopefully he won't pop up in your dreams anymore.

    Concentrate and focus on your happy marriage and life in general. What you have is priceless so feel a huge sense of gratitude.

    In your mind, say, "Good riddance!" to your ex and enjoy living a good life with your husband and appreciate your daily happiness.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    3,085
    Ask yourself, do you care? Dreams are curious things. Are you putting a lot of stock into something that is actually Unrelated and your brain is working through it? As in symbolism or a similar feeling in another non romantic aspect of life?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    5,618
    Gender
    Male
    If your ex showed up on your doorstop tomorrow morning asking for your hand, what would you say?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •