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Thread: 30 years old dating 20 year ols

  1. #1

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    30 years old dating 20 year ols

    Hello, im new here. I just really need some advice and i cant talk to my friends about this, at least not yet. I am a 30 year old guy, i have been divorced for a while. And i havent tried to seek out for a new relationship, but i met someone that i think i really like. The problem is that shes younger than me. If this was a 10 year old difference and i was 40 while shes 30 i think it would be simpler. But shes only 20. Now, i understand that our experience levels are much different, both emotionally and sexually. But i just really need to know your opinions about this. Im not looking to get married, but im also not looking for an one night stand. Me and her and just getting to know each other, shes a costumer where i work, and i never spend time talking to costumers no matter how hot they are, but this time i got to like her a lot, i actually look forward for her to show up so we can talk, and we usually chat for at least 5-10 minutes before we say goodbye. I havent asked her out on a date yet, but i know she likes me and she will probably say yes. Now with whats happening regarding coronavirus she told me that she would be leaving town for a month, this is good, because i dont know what to do yet, i have her phone number so loosing touch isnt an issue here. I have a month to figure out what i wanna do. I have met many girls around my age, 25 to 35 but they all seem to carry some baggage from their past, and i dont want any of it in my life because ive been through enough in my own relationship(s). And meeting someone this young might change my life in a way that i wasnt expecting. But is it a good idea?

    Sorry for the long post, i would really appreciate your input on this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by solasan
    I have met many girls around my age, 25 to 35 but they all seem to carry some baggage from their past, and i dont want any of it in my life because ive been through enough in my own relationship(s).
    Don't be a creeper, dude. You carry baggage, too. A girl can smell avoidance a mile away, even if she's only 20.

    If you like this girl and she likes you, fine. But a 20 year old girl is going to mature to 25 and 35, so if there's something you don't want to deal with, you're going to have to keep switching partners....

    Unless you're looking to 'mold' someone who is impressionable. Then you'd have motivation to stay.... But that brings us back to the creeper thing.

    Originally Posted by solasan
    And meeting someone this young might change my life in a way that i wasnt expecting.
    How do you imagine?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Well it could work out for you with her, but honestly I think you are too old for her. She needs to experience the things a 20 yr old girl does, with others of her own age.

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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Don't be a creeper, dude. You carry baggage, too. A girl can smell avoidance a mile away, even if she's only 20.

    If you like this girl and she likes you, fine. But a 20 year old girl is going to mature to 25 and 35, so if there's something you don't want to deal with, you're going to have to keep switching partners....

    Unless you're looking to 'mold' someone who is impressionable. Then you'd have motivation to stay.... But that brings us back to the creeper thing.



    How do you imagine?
    You are probably right, i dont want to deal with anyones problems at this point in my life. And i certainly dont want to have kids and have a family just yet.. This is mostly the reason why my ex and i ended it, i wasnt ready for the next level of our relationship.. I havent dated anyone this much younger than me and this worries me. I dated a girl that was 23 when i was 18 and it was kinda weird sometimes, because i was still a kid in some ways. But then again 18 and 20 arent really the same and guys are usually very childish when they are 18, hell im still immature and i do stupid and reckless things even now that im 30..I dont know, im conflicted. I just dont want to hurt her, because im also an ass sometimes. All i know is that i really like her because shes very smart and we are having some really cool conversations and its been awhile since a woman made me want to keep talking to her.

    Thanks for replying btw!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just be upfront with her that you're not looking for anything serious. . . And that would apply to any woman, any age.

    Funny,. You seem to be the one with baggage. I don't mean to sound harsh but you're the one not ready ready for a relationship, but don't want anyone with baggage?

    Anyway. . . Young women tend to mature more then men, so she may surprise you.
    Just be honest about what you're looking for and let her decide

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Well it could work out for you with her, but honestly I think you are too old for her. She needs to experience the things a 20 yr old girl does, with others of her own age.
    Thanks for your input. I know that im older and thats why i asked but i dont think that right now i do things that i wasnt doing when i was 20, i still go out and drink all night, i still drive my stupid r1, i still play fifa all night and i still have my friends over for weed and alcoholic beverages D: The only difference is that now i have a job, my own house and my own car and responsibilities. But then again being financially stable isnt it a good thing for a potential romantic relationship whether shes 20 or 30? I mean come on im not 60!

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Just be upfront with her that you're not looking for anything serious. . . And that would apply to any woman, any age.

    Funny,. You seem to be the one with baggage. I don't mean to sound harsh but you're the one not ready ready for a relationship, but don't want anyone with baggage?

    Anyway. . . Young women tend to mature more then men, so she may surprise you.
    Just be honest about what you're looking for and let her decide
    Thank you, ive been getting some really good replies here that made me think of a lot of things.

  9. #8
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    You are listing plenty of reasons why this wouldn't work out.

    Listen to your gut. Aim for women closer to your age. The difference between 20 and 30 is too big in most cases.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    The maturity level between 20 and 30 is huge. In many ways, she's still a kid and hadn't experienced life yet and certainly not as much as you.

    You're the one with baggage due to your past divorce. At 20, she's just starting out in life. I remember when I was 20.

    I agree with others. It's better to date someone in your age bracket and same with her.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you really are so immature you wouldn't be humming and hawing over a decision to take a 20 year old out on a date. No, contrary to your self-described immaturity, I do not think you are immature. I think you haven't dealt with the end of your marriage and you're using a host of distractions to help you forget why the marriage ended and are also, privately away from your friends or the people who know you, wondering if this person can also provide another escape for you. If you often recede into forms of escapism you'll never really grow in life.

    You fear baggage in someone else but also have baggage. It's like being afraid of your own reflection. There's a lot of resentment and non-acceptance of self there. How long will you keep running from yourself?

    Have courage. Move forwards and don't look for escapes especially while dating or involving others. People you know deserve more than that. Don't treat others so lightly or casually for your own personal gain.

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