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Thread: My girlfriend has developed a very low libido. What can we do? (Im 27m, shes 2

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    My girlfriend has developed a very low libido. What can we do? (Im 27m, shes 2

    We are almost three years into our relationship. She was my first sexual partner whilst she had had multiple (but none long-term). The first 1.5 years or so were great sex-wise. After that her appetite gradually deteriorated to now being at a point where she has absolutely no appetite for sex in any form. When we have had sex, its very clear shes not into it. And when we dont, I get frustrated (and she can tell). Id say my sex drive is pretty average, whatever that means (I masturbate maybe 3 times a week, and would be happy with sex once a week).
    Every other aspect of our relationship is basically perfect, but this is increasingly becoming a big issue. At first we tried making things a little more interesting in the bedroom which helped a bit in the short term. We talk about the issue, but its becoming hard to have a productive conversation when we are now so far apart in how we feel. And she is definitely fed up of the conversation (no doubt that talking about it is one thing thats contributed to her lower libido).
    She insists its not about how attracted she is to me - she just doesnt have any sexual desire anymore. Shes been to the doctors and there isnt anything physical thats likely to be the issue. And theres nothing suggesting that shes depressed. Shes been referred to a psycho-sexual therapist, but the waiting list for that is a few months - and as it stands its very possible well have no sex at all for that time. Im obviously willing to wait, but am worried about putting a lot of pressure on that process to fix things.
    We moved in together a few months ago, and her sexual appetite seemed to diminish more quickly after that. Shes recently started a busy new job, which Im sure also hasnt helped. But this was an issue before that as well, and even when we have a few days where she isnt working, things arent any different. Im all out of ideas and feeling pretty down about it all, and shes sick of talking about it anyway. What can I/we/she do? Getting Ready for a First Date

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Did she change birth control?

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    How old is she, OP?

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    After 3 years together, 60 days to wait for the therapy to start isn't long in the span of things. If it were me, I'd wait and see what the therapist suggests. He/she will likely lay out an initial plan for you two to follow. If that's too much pressure for your gf, it's too damn bad. Either she will want to fix things for the both of you, or she doesn't care.

    It's either a low libido, or she's angry at you for some reason but fails to tell you what's bothering her in the relationship. Or, maybe she's outgrown the relationship and too cowardly to break up.

    Give the therapy a good long time to work, because miracles don't happen overnight. If it doesn't work, know you did everything you could before throwing in the towel. Because no, you shouldn't live your one precious life in frustration. Even if she's wonderful in every other way, being incompatible sexually should be a dealbreaker. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What happened 1.5 yrs ago? First of all stop begging, talking about it or useless "spicing things up in the bedroom". Those things are for you, not her. You need to address the relationship problems. That mean whatever is spilling into the bedroom from the relationship tension (including hounding her about your urges and needs).

    Playing house is stressful, especially if she has other stressors such as a new job, etc. You need to step up. That means pulling your weight financially as well as any and all household chores, errands, etc.

    Lack of sex is a both of you problem not a her problem. She went to a physician and all is well. So you need to figure out why living together is a drag for her. You also can not stop the romance once you move in.

    Do you go on dates? When's the last time you surprised her? When's the last time you made dinner? When's the last time you had nonsexual time on the sofa watching something she likes? Wake up. It's not her hormones, it's living together and stress.
    Originally Posted by justsomeguy8
    We are almost three years into our relationship. The first 1.5 years or so were great sex-wise.

    We moved in together a few months ago, and her sexual appetite seemed to diminish more quickly after that. Shes recently started a busy new job, which Im sure also hasnt helped.

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    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I tend to think there is more to this than what you think you know.

    Sex is important but more important is sexually compatibility. Any thing can be normal and healthy, if both are consenting adults. I don't mean the actual acts. but rather, in this case,, whether a couple has sex every day or every 2 years, is normal to them, if both people prefer it that way.

    It could be that nothing in her needs fixing and you are not asking for anything unreasonable. they don't have to be related.

    if a person is reluctant to be intimate with you, it does seem to reason, they are not comfortable being completely honest either. And the more you push, the more they pull away.

    How comfortable are you staying in this relationship, if things don't change?

    It us encouraging she is open to therapy. So if everything else is great, as you say, is it worth to you to see how this goes? Or are you getting more bitter by the day?

    Therapy is not a magic pill. After one visit, everything won't magically be back to how it was. Do you have the patience for long haul?

    She could see all your attempts to fix this, as you only wanting her for sex. It is hard to start a new job and a new routine, as is moving in with your partner. you may not be living up to her expectations.

    Sometimes relationships fall apart, just as is moving to the next level. One person thinks its fine. the other person is realizing, its not what they want.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by justsomeguy8
    We moved in together a few months ago, and her sexual appetite seemed to diminish more quickly after that.
    Interesting. How do you spilt up the chores? I ask, because sometimes one person gets stuck doing everything while the other does no chores and/or half-asses the ones they are responsible for. That's usually a big libido killer.

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    [blank message]
    Last edited by justsomeguy8; 11-02-2020 at 02:10 PM. Reason: mistake

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    [blank message]
    Last edited by justsomeguy8; 11-02-2020 at 02:10 PM. Reason: mistake

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Did she change birth control?
    No she didn't (and the doctor seemed to think this was unlikely to be the issue)

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