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Thread: Online date advise

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Will you just look past it then and keep dating him, knowing that he's most likely dating someone else besides you?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    In the beginning people are talking to and meeting people from online dating. Yes, it's awkward running into him.

    Keep in mind, no matter how well the first meet went, one-and-done happens all the time, so don't take it personally.

    Just move forward and continue talking to and meeting men until both of you want a second date then take it from there.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lora11
    Not a sister. I asked. I just do not want him to feel confronted because he really does not own me anything at this point. We just had one date and I do not want to ruin it (if there is anything to ruin)
    I'm not clear about what happened. You said that you both pretended not to notice one another, so when did you ask him?

    I'd back off and see if he contacts you. If not, you'll have your answer. If so, decide whether you want to see him again.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'm not clear about what happened. You said that you both pretended not to notice one another, so when did you ask him?
    I was wondering the same thing.

    OP, have you since spoken to him?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lora11
    Not a sister. I asked. I just do not want him to feel confronted because he really does not own me anything at this point. We just had one date and I do not want to ruin it (if there is anything to ruin)
    Asking a casual, logical question is hardly confronting someone. Obviously this bothers you so either ask him or move on. If the question bothers him then he's avoiding something.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    One meeting with someone you met on line, is not really a date. Its a meet and greet to see if a date is desired.

    He is free as a bird to do whatever. Did you guys say you wanted to go on another date? Did you talk to him after? I think we're all a little unclear on what actually happened. How it was awkward and what you said.

    I would tend to think it could mean nothing at all that he was out with another date. And he might not have known how to handle it when he saw you.

    I probably would not ask him about her until I felt sure he had some interest in seeing me again. And even then I would tread lightly. Its really easy to be misunderstood early on because people don't know each other. They have no frame of reference. They fill in the gaps with assumptions.

    And you don't want to make a big deal of it, explaining you don't care but just want to know ... which always comes across as disrespectful and controlling. like I met you one time, I owe you nothing.

    you catch more flies with honey... always remember that. Best bet is to let it go....

    My other advice is, slow down you don't like him. you like what you think he is. If he doesn't ask you out or respond positively to you asking him out. Don't dwell on it. Someone better will come along.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I would ask you to reverse the situation. What if he ran into you on a first meet with another guy you had been chatting to online and agreed to meet?

    Would you feel like you blew it with him even though you liked him more than the guy he saw you with?

    You are very correct that he does not owe you anything so pretend like it didn't happen and move forward. Lets say you hadn't seen him what would you be doing right now?

    The thing is this happens all the time but people just don't usually run into each other so they are blissfully ignorant and go along happily thinking they are the only one.

    If you like him then see what happens but you may need to initiate the next contact as he may think it is over for good because of the awkward meeting.

    You have nothing to lose here really. Be brave and send him a note.

    "Hey ________, That was really awkward running into you with that other woman wasn't it?" Then see what he says.

    It can be hard to find and make a connection doing online dating so don't just throw this away without some clarity.

    Lost

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I agree with Lost.
    It may be possible that he will want to avoid an awkward moment and second guess reaching out. Because as proven in your own words, it made you uncomfortable,

    You have nothing to lose by reaching out to him and either casually mentioning it in passing. . .like addressing the the preverbial elephant in the room - or carrying on as if nothing happened.

    Because in the light of day, you two don't really owe each other an explanation. Keep it simple and don't overthink it.

  10. #19

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    I reached out to him. I really liked our first date and it does not happen often. He did not respond. Well, so be it. I should have said what Lost suggested, oh well. Thank you all for the great advice.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lora11
    I reached out to him. I really liked our first date and it does not happen often. He did not respond. Well, so be it. I should have said what Lost suggested, oh well. Thank you all for the great advice.
    Do you mean you reached out but didn't address the other person that was there?

    People will test you wherever you go. It's up to you to speak up for yourself and address things that make you uncomfortable. Not everyone will be as straightforward or think in the same way as you. It's part and parcel of dating. If you are hesitant to be more vocal, dating will be hard for you. Don't lose faith or courage. I'd say try working on being more outspoken and don't make apologies for it. You are entitled to your thoughts and for others to treat you well.

    I'd take this as a learning experience and don't ever second guess your radar or gut feelings on something.

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