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Thread: Is it okay to stay with a controlling boyfriend if the control doesn't bother me

  1. #1
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    Is it okay to stay with a controlling boyfriend if the control doesn't bother me

    So, my boyfriend checks my phone (not religiously, but here and there) I'm not allowed to have a passcode on my phone without him knowing the passcode even though he's allowed to have one. His reason is bc he's always had a password and when I got with him I didn't have a password on my cell so why do I want one now? He gets jealous and makes comments if I wear leggings to work, if I don't anwser my cell at work he will accuse me of cheating or caring more about work than him and sometimes leaves me voicemails calling me names or saying hell kill me and whoever I'm cheating with. I quit my last job for him, now I have a job I am in love with and he wants me to quit because he says it's detrimental to our relationship. He doesn't say to quit, but he says, "This job will be what breaks us up if you stay." Which he said at my last job too. He's made it clear he wants me a stay at home and makes me feel guilty for in his words "pawning my baby off" to go work everyday when I don't have to because he makes good money. I'm not allowed to have social media, though he has one. The main one that pisses me off is the job thing. I will never quit another job bc of him. The social media makes me mad depending on the day. Is it okay that I stay with him since it really doesn't bother me that he's controlling? Or can someone explain why it's bad to stay even though I'm okay with it? We've been together for a bit, my child is not biologically his btw. He does have great qualities not listed in this as well. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Never quit the job which you love. Your job will outlast your boyfriend and your job puts food on the table and a roof over your head. Your boyfriend will not provide for you forever. Never rely on a man for your survival. Make it on your own.

    Eventually, his controlling behavior will bother you. You need more self confidence and security. Being controlled and bossed around while accepting this unacceptable behavior is a sign of your low self esteem. Don't be meek and okay with it. You need to work on elevating your self esteem and transforming it into strength and toughness. It's bad to stay with him because you're teaching your child that it's okay to be controlled and disrespected. His controlling ways will wear on you and at some point, he'll make your life a pure living hell. It's just a matter of time. Beware.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member gsxr104's Avatar
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    "sometimes leaves me voicemails calling me names or saying hell kill me and whoever ... "

    That is a terroristic threat! You have a child that is not his and you say you're okay with his being controlling and it doesn't bother you?
    It is a gross and wreck-less endangerment to your child if you stay with this person another second! You need to find a place to stay and not just leave but leave skid marks behind you as you exit. Don't let yourself or your child become another statistic.



    You need to get your child and not just leave but leave skid marks out of the parking lot !

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    No, it's not ok to stay. a. The whole scenario sounds like escalating towards domestic abuse. b. What kind of example do you think that seeing you being treated like this sets for your child?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If you need it explained, that child should be removed.

  7. #6
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    If you stay, you should let someone else care for your child as it demonstrates remarkably poor judgment on your part and a frightening lack of insight into how your choices will affect your child moving forward.

  8. #7
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    Why would you WANT to stay with him?
    Thatís whatís wrong.

    If you love your child , then either leave him or give the child up for adoption and choose to be his slave.
    They are your only choices .

    This is absurd.

    Controlling behaviour only gets worse.
    Never better.

    So pass your child into someone else and lock yourself in a room.
    Thatís essentially his goal.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a BDSM relationship where you willingly allow humiliation and control?

    You say it doesn't bother you. Are people in your life warning you?

    What do you mean by "allowed"?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    But this does bother you. And it should. The reason why it's mistake is because control always escalates...

    Threats to kill you should never tolerated. Not even once.

    What is happening with you, that you accept this? These examples you gave are abuse, not love and horrible examples for your child.

    That's the other main reason. Not only are you short changing yourself but also your child. They d
    deserve much better. Abuse is taught. Your guy is probably the product of a lot of abuse and he needs help, but it is on him to want to change and stop the cycle that will ultimately be passed down to your child.

    I think you should look for mental health resources near you. To help you understand why you suppress that this bothers you, why you accept this, and most importantly to help you get out of this situation and protect your child from any damage being done.

  11. #10
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    Im literally here asking for advice because I don't understand 1 why it's okay to me and 2 if it's okay or not. I'm a excellent mother and thanks to you and the other people saying to remove my kid I will NEVER ask for help ever again

  12. 10-31-2020, 08:17 AM
    Reason
    Disrespectful/Flaming

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