Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Best Friend Breakup

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    7

    Best Friend Breakup

    Happy Friday Everyone! I am a married female who has had a gay male best friend for over 45 years.....yes, we are getting old.
    My best friend played the organ at my wedding in 1979. My husband, myself and friend...I will call him Brady, all grew up together. My husband is not jealous so that was never an issue. So Brady and I usually talk everyday on FaceTime. We visit then say the Rosary together as we are Catholics. This year has been mega stressful for me. I had to go to court and take my granddaughter away from my oldest daughter due to abuse and neglect. My Mother went into extreme Alzheimer’s and I had to put her in a nursing home as we could not care for her any longer. I am very close with my Mother and she doesn’t even know who I am. That was devastating. I severely injured my back trying to care for Mother and had to have major surgery 4 weeks ago. I have been in a lot of pain since my surgery. Last week Brady FaceTimed me to chat as usual. It was a Sunday so he asked me if I went to Mass. I told him I was having too much pain. Well he became furious with me. He started telling me he was going to “hold my feet to the fire” about missing Mass. I told him I didn’t need him to hold me accountable and then I pointed out that he often skips Mass which is true although I have never tried to make him feel guilty about it. So Brady tells me he will say the Rosary alone and will pray for my intentions. I said ok as I was having severe sciatic pain. Brady said he would check on me in a few days. Well Brady has blocked me from calling him! He won’t answer my emails. I cannot believe how he is acting. I have helped Brady pay his bills when he has needed help. I finally cut him off money wise over a year ago but it didn’t seem to upset him. So I feel totally abandoned not to mention humiliated. I hardly ever called him, he usually called me, so why on earth block me? I guess it is his way of punishing me for offending him. I have had such a stressful year and he knows it so his actions feel especially cruel. I don’t think I could ever trust him after this. I sent one email asking him to call me to discuss the situation but he ignored it. So I am resolved about losing a dear friendship but I am struggling with the added grief that has triggered all the other losses I have been dealing with. I would appreciate any advice from this community. I would also like to help others who are dealing with losses and grief.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,637
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. He doesn't seem like a good friend. It sounds like he has is own issues. Where is your husband in all this? Hopefully in addition to your doctors you have a referral to therapy to unpack and sort some of this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,407
    He doesn't sound like a good friend. Perhaps he was in the past but I'd let this friendship fade away/go no matter how difficult it is. I'm sorry.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,579
    His behaviour is absurd and hypocritical. Take a step back and ask yourself whether this is someone you want in your life. Turn to your faith and live by your own morals. Don't depend on him anymore.

    How is your relationship with your husband? You used the word 'breakup' which is a bit overdramatic. This isn't a break up of any sort. It's a friend who's intolerant and has double standards. Don't latch onto people like this just because you have a history with them. He's not someone you can trust going forward. Feel sad if you feel sad that he is what he is and then put it away or let it go.

    You have far too much on your plate. Focus on better and more positive relationships.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    54
    Posts
    38,222
    Gender
    Female
    He is being hypocritical. I would ignore it for now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    25,091
    Gender
    Female
    Lean on your husband instead of your friend. Reach out and find girlfriends to communicate with as well. Let him have a tantrum. There could be other things at work - things he is stressed out about but not telling you or things have been boiling over for awhile. I would just not pursue him or chase him. Live your life. If he comes back into it, decide what to do from there

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,177
    Gender
    Male
    Has he thrown tantrums in the past?

    He is not being a good Catholic is he?

    Obviously you have been a much better friend to him than he has to you all these years and now in your time of need he abandoned the friendship over something so small. I would guess he was upset because you cut him off and this is his way of showing it.

    Exactly what have you lost here? I would bet if you made a list you would see you aren't missing much.

    I would bet good money that if you hadn't cut him off he wouldn't had one ounce of problem with you missing mass.

    Leave him be and focus on all that is on your plate right now. He will circle back as soon as he needs money again...

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,314
    Gender
    Female
    First of all, big internet hugs. I'm sorry for all you are going through and hope that things will get better for you soon.

    As for your friend....given your ages....I wonder if his behavior isn't driven by early symptoms of dementia or Alzheimer's. Reason I say that is that my aunt became very similar - she suddenly became very aggressive, picking unreasonable fights with fam and friends, suddenly cutting people off, etc. Acting out, very abrupt, unreasonable, etc. From the time this started to the time she was finally properly diagnosed took about 3 years. I guess what I'm saying is that try not to take this too personally as there might be deeper issues going on that nobody is aware of yet. In my aunt's case, first diagnosis failed when she initially started acting "funny" for lack of a better word. She was only finally diagnosed once it became obvious to everyone what the problem is and you didn't need to be a doctor to know what's going on.

    I would let him cool down and don't reach out but maybe you can keep a discreet eye on him from afar.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,343
    Gender
    Female
    I think there's something else happening below the surface. He's never treated you this way before, so whatever is going on with him is concerning. He's scared about something....maybe how things are changing in your lives, complications due to the pandemic....maybe he feels it the end of the world coming soon, and here you are not going to mass...freaking him out....is it possible no? The world population is acting like it's upside down, people protesting over wear a bloody mask, when there are other more important things to worry about, you know what I mean? I think he's scared for you.

    I suggest you just let him settle himself down. I doubt very highly he's going to ditch you. Sometimes people need to take a time out. Once the dust settles, and things get back to some kind of normal, things will resume as they were. He will come around, apologize for being a clown, and hope you are not mad at him.

  11. #10

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    7
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    His behaviour is absurd and hypocritical. Take a step back and ask yourself whether this is someone you want in your life. Turn to your faith and live by your own morals. Don't depend on him anymore.

    How is your relationship with your husband? You used the word 'breakup' which is a bit overdramatic. This isn't a break up of any sort. It's a friend who's intolerant and has double standards. Don't latch onto people like this just because you have a history with them. He's not someone you can trust going forward. Feel sad if you feel sad that he is what he is and then put it away or let it go.

    You have far too much on your plate. Focus on better and more positive relationships.
    Thank you for your comments. My husband and I are close. We were all raised in the same Catholic Church. My husband is not interested in the spiritual and refuses to go to Mass with me. This is why I liked to discuss the Bible, Saints, etc with Brady.
    Brady is a PhD and is very good at interpreting information. My husband does not like to think too deeply whereas Brady and I loved to figure things out. My husband and my family understand how much I will miss Brady because he filled my need for critical thinking. That being said my husband and family are being super supportive. Maybe “breakup” wasn’t the right word.
    I certainly did not mean to imply any romantic aspect. I am an only child and Brady was like my brother.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •