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Thread: Forced break up due to family

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by cookiescream
    I actually heard the whole thing on the phone, so it's not that he's neglecting to tell me anything. It's just really strange and even he can't figure out why the sudden strong reaction when they never used to bother about each others' lives in the past.
    No, what I meant was there could be more backstory to his family's current reaction that you don't know about. Not that he's neglecting to tell you something about the ultimatum they delivered, in and of itself.

    As others above have wondered, I would also question if he far more distraught by his previous break-up than he's told you. They might have legitimate concerns about his mental state and ability to handle a new relationship if he'd suffered terribly after the last one ended. Or, he might have other underlying issues you haven't seen yet that makes them worry about him. Just something to think about.

    In any event, he's made it clear that the relationship cannot continue. You could stay friendly but I wouldn't keep too close. It will hurt too much if this doesn't end up the way you hope.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Deleted this to quote your/my response below....

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cookiescream


    I definitely see where you're coming from, and I do see the point. The difficulty here is that we belong to a few hobby groups together that have ongoing activities. It will be supremely awkward for everyone else if we were both not even friends.
    In some ways this is an excuse you are telling yourself. You can certainly be cordial in social settings but believe me, no one is expecting you to be bffs for their sake.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Cookie, do you really want to be with someone who can't make decisions for himself?

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  6. 10-31-2020, 10:01 AM

  7. #35
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    cookiescream,

    As frustrating as this situation is, you've handled it the best way you can. Between all the past bad breakups and an overprotective crazy family that threatens to cut him out of their life, he is bound to have hesitation on being with you as more then friends. Everyone else he has been close to basically leaves or tells him they will. That's got to be incredibly rough. Yes, he would ideally stand up to the family and choose to go his own way. But that's not an easy choice and he is in an emotionally vulnerable place.

    All you can do for now is be his friend. Be the one who stable element who does care for him. Show him that you are going to be there and would not leave him. Hopefully that gives him more confidence to fight for the relationship he wants. Maybe it can even convince the family that you are different then the other girls. Of course, you should think of yourself at the same time. Be honest with your feelings and don't try to do anything you are not comfortable with. If it gets too painful, let him know and see how you both want to handle it. The relationship you have sounds like deep connection that is sadly faced with a really messed up circumstance. I hope that together you can get through it.

  8. #36
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    At 7 mos., if you want to stay friends for whatever reason you can do that. At your own peril.

    However he depends on his family financially. It's not your job to sever him from his family in some sort of me vs them right-fighting mission.

    It's also not your job to stand by, sacrifice your own happiness and future for a guy who basically dumped you 7 mos in and hid behind a "crazy family" story to do this.
    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    . Be the one who stable element who does care for him. Show him that you are going to be there and would not leave him. Hopefully that gives him more confidence to fight for the relationship he wants.

  9. #37
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cookiescream
    They don't think he should be dating at the moment, period. They don't think he's ready to be in any relationship and don't want him getting serious with anyone.
    If someone in their mid 20s told me that they had to stop dating because their parents said this, I'd think they were lying. It's sort of preposterous. I think most parents would be embarrassed to even try something like this. It's bizarre.

  10. #38
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    If someone in their mid 20s told me that they had to stop dating because their parents said this, I'd think they were lying. It's sort of preposterous. I think most parents would be embarrassed to even try something like this. It's bizarre.
    I agree. It might be a stretch but what comes to mind is he put his family through alot over his breakups.
    He would have had to do something pretty serious for them to over involve themselves in this way.
    I dunno. . .

  11. #39
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    He would have had to do something pretty serious for them to over involve themselves in this way.
    Yes indeed.

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