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Thread: Forced break up due to family

  1. #21
    have to redo this response

  2. #22
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    This whole thing is really weird, and I'm feeling like there is way more to the story. You keep saying he is not mentally strong enough to confront them and fight them off. What does that mean exactly? If the love is really true, I feel like atleast one of you would be proactive to try and preserve it. Whether it's you personally meeting with the family to fight for your relationship, or him being able to tell them that he loves you and wants to be with you no matter what. I wonder how much both of you even want this relationship? Try to get your relationship back, or walk away. Do NOT keep him in your life and get yourself trapped waiting for something that may never happen.

  3. #23
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    If it's truly out of the blue for him, there is something he is missing too, or neglecting to tell you.
    I actually heard the whole thing on the phone, so it's not that he's neglecting to tell me anything. It's just really strange and even he can't figure out why the sudden strong reaction when they never used to bother about each others' lives in the past.

    Something just clicked in my head though. If he isn't emotionally or mentally strong enough to challenge a family that is being controlling or toxic, maybe we are better off being just friends. If not this, there could be issues further into the relationship or them trying to control other aspects of us down the line, and if he's weak, we wouldn't have been able to overcome those anyway. And it would cut a deeper hole in my heart if we were say, 2 years into the relationship and something happened.

    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I can see this... But the healthier choice is to say, I need time to let of the romantic feelings I have and so do you.

    If you are truly great friends, you will reconnect when the rose colored glasses fade away and you're seeing things more clearly.
    I definitely see where you're coming from, and I do see the point. The difficulty here is that we belong to a few hobby groups together that have ongoing activities. It will be supremely awkward for everyone else if we were both not even friends.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I wonder if he hasn't told you everything. It's quiet possible he had a mental breakdown, was suicidal, ending up in the psych ward and his family almost lost him....making them extremely paranoid. That would explain as to why his family is freaking out and being overly protective. No one ever wants to admit they flew over the cuckoos nest.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    "We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2."

    ^This really stood out to me and kind of goes in line with his family being correct - he jumps into relationships hot and fast and in a way that is not healthy and no, he hasn't learned or changed his ways. I also suspect, same as everyone else, that there is something major you don't know about his past history. Also, if his family is unstable, you can bet your life that he is too.

    I'm sorry OP, I think everyone can understand that intoxicating feeling when you click with someone, but to really know someone, takes years not months no matter how much you feel instantly connected and that all is rosy. They are called pink goggles for a reason and eventually they do have to come off. You didn't date long enough for that to happen....or rather.....it's happening right now in a very abrupt and strange kind of way. Personally, I wouldn't like a guy who is so impulsive and easily influenced by others. Not good partner material no matter how much you have in common with him otherwise.

    As for staying friends - don't. I know you are in the same hobby groups, but you can be civil without fostering friendship with him. Given his impulsiveness, imagine how you'll feel when he moves on to date someone else and gushes to you about that or asks for advice on how to keep his fam out of it....because that's the sort of stuff you chat out with friends..... You need to disengage from him until you reach a point where you no longer care.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He doesn't sound ready to date at all. If he can't live on his own terms and depends on his family for approval or support, the problem is him. I'm being very blunt. Are you usually drawn to men like this?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I know someone who was so distraught over his girlfriend cheating on him that he called his sister and said he was going to kill himself. The sister called the police and he was placed on a 3 day hold in a psychiatric hospital. He recently started dating someone new and yes, his family is concerned.

    I don't know if your friend has had something similar happen.

    However, my kids have friends who were forbidden to date by their parents while they were in college. I presume your friend is beyond college age though.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    Usually, when people use the Family Card, they’re just using family as the scapegoat to get out of a relationship instead of telling you the real reason. I feel there’s more to this story than just his family’s disapproval based on the information given.

    Either way, you are better off without him. You don’t want to marry a man who doesn’t have a backbone to future in-laws.

    EDIT: Ok 7 month relationship? Yep, this one’s a doozy.
    I agree with this.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by cookiescream
    Wait I think you (and some others) are getting the story wrong. It's not that they are not allowing him to date me in particular. They don't think he should be dating at the moment, period. They don't think he's ready to be in any relationship and don't want him getting serious with anyone.
    He is a 30-year-old man. Cookie, none of this will change. This guy is a man child and incapable of a relationship. Now, or in the future. he made his choice and is stringing you along. He knows there is no future. Please do not waste any more time on this guy if you are planning on having a family. You will meet someone who is emotionally ready to settle down and not keep you on the periphery of their life.

    If a friend told you this story, what would you say?

  11. #30
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    He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in.

    If I had no clue a sibling was dating anyone and then i meet the person and they announce they are in a serious relationship, i would be gobsmacked. Seriously. His family is right to be skeptical. To them, its the first date and he moved quickly.

    I have a relative that all the sudden was married with a baby. This isn't second cousin once removed that i only see at funerals and weddings -- it was someone a lot closer than that and we were all like
    No one knew he was even seriously dating anyone.

    Its not them - its him. If he had just said you were someone he started seeing (truth) the reaction would not be as bad or he hadn't hidden you.

    Btw, there are people who have their SO cheat on them, and it happens again but NOT every relationship. I am going to bet that he isn't telling you the full picture and he either cheated too, or these women started to see someone when they were on break or "let's see other people" and he just needs to be the victim

    Find a man who wants a relationship

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