Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 40

Thread: How do I cope with an anxious daughter who feels the need to control me?

  1. #21
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Where love guides our hearts and actions
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,324
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    Thanks for your replies. I do admit I donít stand up as I should to those that push me around. This happens with a few people in my life right now including one at work. I avoid conflict but the price is internal upset and stress.
    While I understand my daughters feeling a need to protect me and anxiety about it, I also need to take control of my life. Somehow I need to assure her that I can make good decisions and she need not track my every move. I also need to assure her that no matter who Iím with Iíll always have her as my priority. I donít believe itís an excuse for her behavior if she doesnít like my partner for any reason other than if they donít treat me right.
    You know what to do, it's just a matter of finding the inner strength to do it. My father passed away two years ago, so I'm now extra concerned about my mom. She's had health issues as well. But I also realize she can take care of herself. So while I might make a suggestion here and there, I generally let her run with her life. Just be gentle and kind and let your daughter know that you appreciate her concern, but that you can handle things yourself. If you need her help, you'll ask her. Treat her like an adult and let her know you love her, and she should eventually come to terms with things.

    It can be difficult to stand up for yourself. The anxiety and stress of confronting issues is not pleasant to deal with. But if you don't, then you still end up feeling bad and nothing gets resolved. You should feel free to speak your mind and live how you want to live, making your own choices. You've overcome a lot, so you are a strong women. Don't let anyone push you around. Best of luck to you.

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    8
    So I said something to my boyfriend yesterday like I daughter is a little anxious about meeting you again since the only other time she met you last year did not go well( she felt he was critical and disrespectful since he critiqued our cat who she loves dearly and she said he was picking on her. She cried a little about it too). I was hoping for him to say that she has nothing to worry about course will get along. Instead, he said she is crazy. I didnít know what to say exactly but I replied by saying well you know your relationship with my daughter is still important so we got to make it work and he nodded yes. Iím real really anxious about first asking my daughter to see him again and then how he will behave so that I know get along. Is his response indicative of another bad encounter with my daughter?

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    54
    Posts
    38,215
    Gender
    Female
    Donít let them meet it obviously wonít work.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    8
    I canít keep them apart forever if he is part of my life. The bigger question is do I want to be with someone who canít be somewhat understanding of my daughter who I know is anxious but sheís not crazy. I do love him very much and he does too but is this a deal breaker?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,219
    Your daughter comes first. If there are people out there (any people), who refuse to accept that your daughter has anxiety issues, won't accept, and won't be kind about it and instead berates, then you as her mother, need to protect her from those kinds of people. Her anxiety will get worse if she has people put her down even more over her anxiety issues.

    The first time anyone called my child crazy, is the last time they would see me. End of.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,490
    Gender
    Female
    I also echo what Bluecastle said:

    "..you show heróand, most critically, yourselfóthat there is only one person who has control over you, and that is in fact you."

    And what ShySoul said:

    "You should feel free to speak your mind and live how you want to live, making your own choices. You've overcome a lot, so you are a strong women. Don't let anyone push you around. Best of luck to you."

    And Susan, here we are at the heart of the matter.

    " I avoid conflict but the price is internal upset and stress."

  8. #27
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    54
    Posts
    38,215
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    I canít keep them apart forever if he is part of my life. The bigger question is do I want to be with someone who canít be somewhat understanding of my daughter who I know is anxious but sheís not crazy. I do love him very much and he does too but is this a deal breaker?
    For me it would be.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,597
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately, it sounds like you are with a bully. He bullies you, he bullies your daughter until she is in tears. He tries to boss you around regarding her wedding...and the list goes on.

    You've only been with this guy about a year and he's already alienated you from your family, taken over your leisure time, tells you what to buy, how to eat, how to cook, etc. Insults you, calls your daughter "crazy".

    You need to finally be honest that this guy is a problem. Try to mend things with your daughter, etc. Do Not expect her to worship someone who bullies her to tears. If you do, then you have some serious soul searching to do.

    His obnoxious bullying and controlling behavior is very "indicative" that things won't go well. What better way to abuse you than not only bully and be rude to you, but hurt your daughter. Self-centered arrogant creeps like this think everyone else is the problem. Hopefully your daughter won't disown you/disinvite you to the wedding so you can hang on to a jerk like this.

    You seriously need to rethink things and stick up for your daughter rather than continue being this guy's doormat. Wake up and move out. Your daughter is not "controlling" she is rightfully concerned that you are with such a horrible brute and totally blind to it.
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    I was hoping for him to say that she has nothing to worry about course will get along. Instead, he said she is crazy. Is his response indicative of another bad encounter with my daughter?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,490
    Gender
    Female
    What JMan said:

    "I guess my bigger question is what exactly are you bringing to the table in terms of couples activities and interest aside from your daughter's wedding plans? It's often hard to make a distinction between situations where someone is grabbing the other person's arm and dragging them or when one person simply goes the direction the feintest wind decides for them. Draw some boundaries. Do things you like to do-- both by yourself and with him. Sitting back and waiting for someone to take the wheel in the way you prefer to be driven isn't the most efficient way to navigate romances."

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,597
    Gender
    Male
    He shouldn't be. Your daughter should be. Read up on how abusers isolate someone from their family.
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    if he is part of my life.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •