Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 40

Thread: How do I cope with an anxious daughter who feels the need to control me?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,597
    Gender
    Male
    Is this the BF who bosses you around to play golf and tells you what to eat, and how to run your daughters wedding?

    Has the relationship with your daughter been conflicted all along? Or since her father died? Or since you started dating again?

    Or ... Just since you started dating the golf guy who's trying to run your life and run her wedding?

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    8
    Thanks for your replies. I do admit I donít stand up as I should to those that push me around. This happens with a few people in my life right now including one at work. I avoid conflict but the price is internal upset and stress.
    While I understand my daughters feeling a need to protect me and anxiety about it, I also need to take control of my life. Somehow I need to assure her that I can make good decisions and she need not track my every move. I also need to assure her that no matter who Iím with Iíll always have her as my priority. I donít believe itís an excuse for her behavior if she doesnít like my partner for any reason other than if they donít treat me right.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,347
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    Thanks for your replies. I do admit I donít stand up as I should to those that push me around. This happens with a few people in my life right now including one at work. I avoid conflict but the price is internal upset and stress.
    While I understand my daughters feeling a need to protect me and anxiety about it, I also need to take control of my life. Somehow I need to assure her that I can make good decisions and she need not track my every move. I also need to assure her that no matter who Iím with Iíll always have her as my priority. I donít believe itís an excuse for her behavior if she doesnít like my partner for any reason other than if they donít treat me right.
    See- you avoid conflict because it's easier - the price is worth it because then you can feel sorry for yourself - think about whether the upsides of being reasonably assertive is worth the hard work. You do NOT need to assure your daughter of anything. At all. Simply tell her that you are fine and if you need her input you will let her know. Does she not know she is your priority as her child? Really? And yes if you were being abused or in imminent danger then your loved ones should step in. But that's not this situation, right?

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Posts
    8
    Iím definitely not being abused. He treats me very good and also my adult son who he sees on a regular basis.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,347
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    Iím definitely not being abused. He treats me very good and also my adult son who he sees on a regular basis.
    That wasn't my point -I made the hypothetical point that I could see her interfering if you were being abused.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,538
    Originally Posted by Susanwirld
    I also need to take control of my life.
    You don't need to explain your personal or romantic decisions to your adult daughter. Keep it simple and live your life by example. Less talk, more do. Live those boundaries. Don't just talk about them.

    You'll be just fine.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,219
    Although, to be fair...if the daughter is experiencing anxiety, reassurance is the best approach. I don't know the daughters situation, but if she is experiencing

    an anxiety disorder or fear of losing her mother due to only having one parent left, then reassurance that you're safe and that she is your priority, will help.

    Obviously I don't feel that she should strong arm you and boss you around, so there really is a fine line between someone just being bossy and someone who is highly anxious.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,290
    Gender
    Female
    I'd tell daughter that I'll continue with my kindness toward her man with an expectation that she'll hold herself to the same standard.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,347
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Although, to be fair...if the daughter is experiencing anxiety, reassurance is the best approach. I don't know the daughters situation, but if she is experiencing

    an anxiety disorder or fear of losing her mother due to only having one parent left, then reassurance that you're safe and that she is your priority, will help.

    Obviously I don't feel that she should strong arm you and boss you around, so there really is a fine line between someone just being bossy and someone who is highly anxious.
    Yes, reassurance that she is safe in general for sure - but I don't think she has to cater to her daughter with details because her daughter will likely just take it and run with it and find ways to pry and pester for more details. "I am living my life in a safe and healthful way - I promise you - I am here with you."

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    11,318
    Gender
    Female
    I've resisted asking and does matter? May I ask how old the poster is?
    I just think of mother and my friends parents and the concerns that come with the it choices and reasoning depending on their age.

    My mother might have written something similar. Most certainly not about dating but some of the choices she made as she grew older.
    I know she would get offended with my interference sometimes. But as time went on she became in increasingly vulnerable.

    There is an almost to be expected parent/child role reversal that happens.
    The poster has shared her vulnerabilities, but not her age.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •