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Thread: Trust issues and resentment

  1. #1

    Trust issues and resentment

    I have been with my fiancť for over 1.5 years, however I have known him for 10 years, because I am best friends with his sister so Iíve always been close to his family. I am F (27) and he is M (26) we just had a baby in June he is now 4 months old and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship and I have another from a previous as well. A few months back I found out that he had cheated on me With a Much older coworker F (42) while I was pregnant. I admit that I kinda understand why he cheated, I wasnít having sex with him, I was being cold towards him, I was very depressed while I was pregnant. This obviously isnít a valid reason to cheat, there never is but He admitted his mistakes And his regret and he has since been trying to make things right and we are trying to rebuild the trust. He has been being honest with me, Doing what he needs to in order for us to rebuild the trust. He deeply regrets what he has done and has said how disgusted he is with himself because this woman is well, disgusting. Sheís much older than him, is addicted to pills, not attractive. He told me that he used her for money because she kept giving him money, which I found to be true she had given him around $5,000 in the four months they were involved. I donít know how to feel about this, she still tries to reach out to him through third parties because he blocked her on everything and changed his number and wants nothing to do with her anymore, but she still tries to contact him. He is not in contact with her, but the fact she still tries makes me so angry and I have so much anger and resentment towards him for what he did to me even though Iím madly in love with him. It has caused me to be so hateful and degrading towards him, and I know the things I say hurt him but I donít understand how to move on from this and truly forgive him. I have so much anger and resentment towards him and I know he already feels horrible about what he did, he cried about it almost every day how much he regrets it. Iím just wondering how to truly better our situation.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Get some couples counselling to work thru this. You are way too angry and mired in this mess. Yes you have a right to be angry but you need to figure out where and how to go on from here.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he still work with her? What was the the money all about? You need to find out the truth. She can pursue him legally until he pays it back. Unless he's a male prostitute, his story is another lie.

  4. #4
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    What the heck was he using that money for?

    I think you need to really reflect on what all of this says about his overall character: cheats on his pregnant girlfriend, accepts a substantial amount of cash from this woman he's cheating with and pretty openly admits he was using her for sex and money...

    What exactly are you pretending not to see? This man is incredibly shady. I don't think I'd be interested in trying to move forward with someone like this. It's good "VERY BAD NEWS" written all over it.

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  6. #5
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    He of course is very upset he got caught.
    And will say anything and use all acting skills in his power to prove that to you.

    The bottom line is that he got his sisters vulnerable friend pregnant.
    You have a 4 month child to someone you barely dated. Did you even date? It is irrelevant how long you think you knew him?

    9 + 4 = 13.

    So you fell pregnant to a guy who had kids , you had a kid , within 20 weeks of having sex???

    Why didnít you use contraception? Why didnít he?

    Where were both your children when this baby was being conceived???

    And why are you not accepting responsibility for the situation you are now in?

    What exactly is your dilemma here? What advice are you seeking? Or are you just speaking out loud?

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Same thread.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Oh god.

    That guy.

    OP, you need to make better choices for you and your child. This man is awful and you've known that for a while. Twisting yourself into pretzels trying to accept his behaviour doesn't make him less awful.

    Why are you sticking around? It does no good to a child to raise them in a toxic home.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're stuck in a web of lies, cheating, deceit and distrust. Do you need this person for money? He has to support the child but the relationship is finished.

    Don't stay for cyclical routines and patterns of abuse and manipulation. It's also turning you into someone you don't recognize. You turned to someone else for affection online in the other thread. On/off relationships are toxic, unhealthy and they completely undermine a person's mental stability.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    How can you say you don't know how to feel, but then you have all this anger and resentment? That's how you feel and rightly so.

    I think the conflict comes into your mind and heart because, you don't want to feel this way. but you are doing a disservice to yourself. It's a tough spot to have a new baby with what sounds like a real creep. Think about it.....

    he used a woman he thinks is gross for sex while his gf is pregnant. Manipulated this woman into borrowing money, that he has not paid back. And now she's the villain in his story.

    You're right to feel how you do and I am sorry. Its a terrible situation but I imagine if you dont end if, this is the life you are choosing.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Let's break this down to reality.

    Your bf and the father of your 4 month old child prostituted himself to a coworker for $1,250 per month for 4 months. He is not a good man and he does not love you as shown by his actions. Always trust the actions of someone not their words.

    Make sure his name is on the birth certificate and file for child support since he kicked you out after you flirted with some guy online.

    There is no advice we can give you to make him an honest trustworthy man and there is nothing you can do to turn him into a guy anyone can trust. He is a cheater, liar and has pretty sketchy morals.

    You should also go and get an STD test as soon as possible.

    Lost

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