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Thread: My girlfriend said I wasn’t the best she’s ever had, without me asking

  1. #1

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    My girlfriend said I wasn’t the best she’s ever had, without me asking

    One day I was just talking to my girlfriend and we ended up on the topic of sex. I’m not totally sure how we got into the topic of choice but I asked her if she was satisfied with our sex life (She’s been out longer than me and she’s a couple years older than me so I figured more experience) She didn’t have anything bad to say about our sex but she brought up how I wasn’t the best head she’s ever had. I never asked that question though so it kinda threw me off guard. I asked her why she told me that and she said sorry and stuff but it just kinda left me feeling weird. Honestly she’s not the best head I’ve head, because I was in love with someone a couple years before her, but I would’ve never told her that for feelings sake. I didn’t know how to feel because she’s too not my best but I love her and I wouldn’t tel her that. I’m already insecure about a lot of stuff we do because she is more experienced with girls than me so it kinda just made me feel inadequate. It makes me not want to do anything anymore. Has anyone felt this ? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Are you both just biding time just for the sake of it then if neither of you feel you're the best? It sounds like a sad relationship to me.

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    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    What's her personality? Is she the kind of person who says things without thinking? Is she very open and casual about the topic? My first thought is that she says what's on her mind and may not have a high level of sensitivity to how those words may affect someone else. Does she know that you are insecure in this area? If not, tell her. And if she does know, then you really need to talk to her about how insensitive those comments come across. If you're hurt by her words, then you need to say something rather then keep it inside. Only way to handle things is to work through them together.

    How long have you been together? If this is a newer relationship it may just be getting used to each other and understanding each other's wants and needs - both physically and emotionally. If you both want the sex to be better, then communicate on that as well. Figure out what you both like and work on pleasing each other. I'm guessing the sex isn't bad, you might just need to fine tune a few things to get better in sync with each other. I'd also advise against comparing it to anyone else. Try to fully be in the moment with each other and appreciate the unique experiences this partner brings.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it seems like you are incompatible. This discussion about "are you satisfied", unfortunately turned into a critique.

    You've "had better", she's "had better", so it's unclear if either of you are over your past relationships and are just together for whatever reason.

    Comparing sexual partners especially unfavorably seems like it's time to reconsider the relationship.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You were out fishing for trouble and that's what you got. It was going to happen inevitably and it sounds like she's losing her patience with you even if the cracks are minor right now. You need to get a grip on your insecurities because if it's not this, it's something else later on down the line. Why shouldn't she be satisfied with your sex life together? Has she been distracted lately or showing lack of interest? That lack of interest may come from the relationship as a whole. If so yes do reconsider but work on your insecurities because they can be self-fulfilling.

    It doesn't matter how old someone is or how many more partners they've been with than you. The problem is you perceiving yourself to be less than her in some way, internalizing that (in this case) in the bedroom and projecting it on your relationship.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Have you ever told each other what you like and don't like? Are you willing to try?

    This could be a way to bring out the best in both of you. Next time you are about to be intimate ask her to help you please her by giving you gentle tips and encouragement. Everyone is different so why not give it a try, it could be fun.

    Lost

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    She told you what she was feeling. Though I think that's bad form, insensitive and better kept to herself, you can agree you've had better as well. You just didn't articulate it.
    I suppose hearing those words would rattle me bit but the bigger picture is the both of you are experiencing the same thing. Try not to personalize it.
    You can either have a candid discussion with each other about meeting each others. needs, be content with what you have or decide you aren't compatible.

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    Ask a stupid question - get a stupid answer.

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    How old are you both? How long have you been together? To me it seems like you both don't have the best communication styles. I think in a relationship criticising is not the way to go about things and instead it's much better to discuss things openly and try to work on things and improve. Like, when I start having sex with a new partner, I try to learn their body and what they like and try to help them do the same. I don't criticise their skills or what they're doing, but I might just directly ask them to do certain things and also give them feedback. Like giving positive feedback when I'm enjoying things and so on. Just saying; "You're not the best I've had" is too negative and not helpful, so your girlfriend shouldn't have said that.

    However asking a blunt question like: "Are you satisfied with our sex life?" is probably not great either. You would be better off to try to read your girlfriend's body language during sex and try to see what she likes, and/or ask what you can do that she enjoys.

    I also think not everyone is great at every single sexual act, but most people are good at some sexual acts. Like, I had people who weren't good at oral sex, but they were great at hand stuff. I think if it's not just FWB but it's a real relationship, these things just need to be worked on. If you love someone then you need to try to learn how things can work with them. Also when first dating maybe someone doesn't know yet what their partner likes, so they might be doing something "wrong". But that can be learnt as you spend more time with your partner and you get to know their body, as well as get to know them as a person.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She wants the sex to be better/improve and that was her way of expressing it. Instead of looking at it in a negative way, use this opportunity to accept the challenge, and take things to the next level. Come up with new ways to make it more exciting/adventurous/fun, etc.


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