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Thread: Can I save the relationship?

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    OK thanks for the clarification! But something is actually stopping your boyfriend from wanting marriage after 3.5 years. I think it's been too long and there is no point in waiting a few more years for him to make up his mind. He should already know now if he wants to marry you or not. Instead he's taking a break from you because it scared him off. If he saw a future with you, he would marry you. It's as simple as that. In the very least he would get engaged.

    The only reason Iím holding out hope is that I think he is depressed. So, Iím wondering if he is pushing me away because of his own mental health. If he is, then Iím willing to wait (not forever, but a while) for that to be sorted out. Just wish I knew how to support him right now while he is struggling with his depression.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    OK thanks for the clarification! But something is actually stopping your boyfriend from wanting marriage after 3.5 years. I think it's been too long and there is no point in waiting a few more years for him to make up his mind. He should already know now if he wants to marry you or not. Instead he's taking a break from you because it scared him off. If he saw a future with you, he would marry you. It's as simple as that. In the very least he would get engaged.
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    So there are religious differences or not? Don't dismiss it. You have your own place and can have men sleep over but he lives with his parents who do not approve of premarital sex? Unfortunately this is an extreme incompatibility. Fade out.
    No, there is not a religious difference! And in a weird way, I think his parents know/donít care about the premarital sex. His mom just has a weird hang up about him sleeping over.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Which of these is it? Unfortunately, any one of them you pick, leads to the same answer. He wants to stop dating after 7 mos.

    He's depressed,
    His family is very traditional and doesnít believe in spending the night or living together until marriage
    He doesnít want to upset his family.
    He blamed it on me - telling me that my jealousy and insecurity gave him pause about moving forward.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He's depressed,
    His family is very traditional and doesnít believe in spending the night or living together until marriage
    He doesnít want to upset his family.
    He blamed it on me - telling me that my jealousy and insecurity gave him pause about moving forward.
    Exactly.

    I think he wants to end this relationship, OP, and doesn't know how to man up and tell you directly that it's over.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't contact him again for your own peace of mind and mental health for awhile until you regain some idea of what you want or where you want to go from here. Unfortunately that usually brings individuals or exes back as the mystery is too much. They all lead to one point: you deciding for yourself whether this isn't a good place to be.

    If you haven't reached that point, things will continue to be confusing but it's you processing everything. This is probably how character is tested or made - your character, as in what you live by or stand by and what you accept or don't accept in your life. You can either go back to the situation and repeat the mistakes and losses or disappointments or you can say enough is enough and strike out into the unknown.

    It's up to you but whatever you decide is your decision. It doesn't bother any of us here but you'll have to live by your decisions and if you have others depending on you (kids, parents, family members or other commitments), you owe it to yourself to take everything into account. The decision to 'win back' as you say an individual or rekindle a relationship or begin a new relationship isn't always just about you. It affects everything else around you.

    You also have to decide the reasoning behind his thought process. You may not see it now but you're seeing the way he solves problems or issues in a relationship, treating you as disposable when there are challenges. You're a thinking, rational and decent human being. Use your brain. Is this how a mature or reasonable person handles challenges in a long term relationship pointing to marriage?

    If you can justify the relationship and the ripple effects it has or has had in the past, then do what you have to do and 'win him back'. You may lose yourself in the process also because you've forgotten what should have mattered in the first place - trust and consideration. Those things are missing. You may be missing and grieving the idea of being a part of something bigger (relationship, marriage, family), not him.

    Take more time to think.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    When you are in an insecure situation, it's normal to feel insecure.
    I agree. Your gut is screaming at you to get out, and you are trying to stomp it down into a box and pretend it's nothing. At 32, his character is fixed. Nothing is ever his fault. He is an immature, full grown man whose parents still rule his life. He flirts with girls on social media and has weak boundaries with his ex-girlfriends. You will never feel safe and confident in this relationship.

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