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Thread: Can I / Should I stay friends with her?

  1. #1
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    Can I / Should I stay friends with her?

    Hello everyone, I hope you're all well.

    Last year, almost a year ago, I met a wonderful woman online and we clicked immediately. According to the app she wasn't far away and so we hot together for a date. It was amazing. Right off the bat she told me that she was from Canada and was only here for a short time visiting.

    After she went home to Canada we continued to message, call, video call and things intensified over the weeks and months. I got to know her family little gradually and we started planning our next meeting. She even invited me to her sons wedding.

    Then covid hit. So seeing each other was impossible but we decidedto wait knowing we'd meet eventually. We'dvideo chat every night, send gifts to each other and do everything we could to keep things close between us. Then she got a promotion at work. And as the weeks and months rolled on, and we still couldn't meet, eventually she admitted she didn't see a future for us and I got the "let's just be friends" speech.

    So over the last few months I've tried to move on, date other people etc, but I'll see a photo of her or something again and it breaks my heart. I've tried so hard to squash my romantic feelings for her, but I just can't. But at the same time I love having her in my life and we support each other a lot with things we've been through lately.

    But it's hurting that I can't seem to let my love for her go. Even to the point where I see her flirting with other guys etc in mutual group chats and even in my dreams now I see her with someone else and it hurts.

    So I'm torn. I genuinely value her friendship but I can't go on feeling heartbroken like this. Should I cut her loose completely?

    Any advice would be massively appreciated!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Yes you need to cut her loose completely.

    There is zero chance you two will live in the same place and your heart has already fallen for her so how can you just be friends?

    Basically you are torturing yourself by hanging on and it isn't fair to anyone you date if you are still harboring feelings for her.

    It might hurt but it is for the best for both of you.

    Be kind and let her know you can no longer just be friends as it is to hard for you. Don't just disappear on her, that way you can say a proper good bye.

    Lost

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    As long as you keep looking at what she's doing on social media, you are prolonging the grief period.

    The 'let's just be friends' line is a load of bovine manure. You can't be friends as long as you still have feelings for her. Yes, cut her loose completely. Your healing will come much sooner and you can get on with your life.

  4. #4
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    Thank you so much. This is exactly what I was hoping for.
    How would you suggest I say the goodbye? Voice note? Text? Phone call?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xxjustinukxx
    Thank you so much. This is exactly what I was hoping for.
    How would you suggest I say the goodbye? Voice note? Text? Phone call?
    How are you keeping in touch normally and who is reaching out to maintain that - you or her? If you, then you can just go ahead and fade out. If she reaches out asking where you've been, you can just tell her that you've needed to disconnect so that you can get over your feelings and move on. There is no need for dramatic good byes as that's already been done - she ended things and you two are no longer a thing. This is now just more you acting on that. She already has if she is flirting away with others.

  7. #6
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    We reach out to each other every day. Both intiate equally. She's been leaning on me lots lately as she's has some family problems which is fine. I don't want to just disappear but I do want to make things clear.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    In that case, just let her know that you really can't continue this friendship thing for the moment and need to disconnect so you can heal and move on. Sometimes keeping it simple and direct is best and most clear way to go about it and least awkward. Do it at your next chat, by whatever means you chat normally.

  9. #8
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    By text? I just worry that's a bit cold after everything we've been through together.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's already told you it's over. How much colder can it get? Send the text or give her a call. It's up to you. It does have to end and no more chit chats for "support". She's using you to flatter and fan her ego while she flirts with other men infront of you. You don't need this in the least.

    Continue on the healing path and start putting yourself first.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is she married? Why be on a geo-dating app, while just visiting? You never saw her at her home, right? Because this that and the other always came up?
    Originally Posted by xxjustinukxx
    According to the app she wasn't far away and so we hot together for a date. It was amazing. Right off the bat she told me that she was from Canada and was only here for a short time visiting.

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